Say WHAT?
It’s a funny world my friends where the strangest things can happen. Case in point.
This morning my Sister In Law ‘Shem’ won some money. Heh. SOME. Hahahahahahaha (The SIL that lives here that I get along fine with that has always been my favorite, even when things became strained for a time between us because of her mom’s antics when we moved here. She woke up eventually. Things aren’t like before, but they are better at least. She’s very well off. She is the grandma of the triplets I mention so often by the way. She is wealthy, has her own businesses with a partner who is more like family, but that’s another story.) Anyhow…. This morning monster comes pounding on the door first, then flies in my room waking me up screaming “Shem” won money! SHE WON MONEY!!!!! (Me, naked and sleepy, diving under the covers….can you just imagine??) Me: “Huh? Money? Won? Huh???? How much?”. SAY WHAAAAAAAAT???????? She won the amount US$375,000.00 in a raffle/lotto type draw and found out this morning when the phone call came.
Yes, US$375,000.00! I should have such damn luck, I swear! I’m happy for her, but jeez! Listen to the damn CIRCUMSTANCES will ya?
She went to Abu Dhabi (an Emirate near Bahrain in the Persian Gulf) 2 weeks ago today to do plastic surgery with this Fancy (yes, with a capital F) Famous French plastic surgeon from Paris who was visiting. She had a breast reduction/lift (and I am SOO JEALOUS. They are SO. Damn. Perky. I TELL YOU! Waaaah) and body sculpting lipo. Her boobs were actually larger than mine, if you can imagine anything bigger than my G-cups, hmmm? (Is there such a thing as H cup?) And she is only 5’1 and very small framed. It was very Dolly Parton-esque naturally. Now they are lovely and perfect. And PERKY dammit. Sigh. Ok, so, anyway, on her way back through the airport, they have this lotto draw thingie… some of them are you buy a raffle ticket for a luxury car, or you choose numbers on a computer screen and enter your contact info and it gives you a receipt and blah blah. She did both of these while waiting to board her flight in Duty Free, all bruised and swollen and high on pain meds to fly home 4 days after surgery. She picked the lucky numbers and got the phone call this morning.
Congratulations ‘Shem’! Never mind that she almost had a freaking heart attack when they told her she won. They woke her up too! But WHAT a GREAT way to wake up, no?
I sent her a SMS message of congratulations cause her phone was so busy nonstop. I joked that it looks like she will be doing that mini facelift and other minor things she wanted to do next a lot sooner than later now! Just last night I was at her house and she was saying; “Now I have to figure out how to get the money to do the other things I want to do!”
Funny how things work for some people, isn’t it? I hope some of her luck rubs off on me! I just want a good job dangit and maybe a baby? Yes, in that order.
10/02/2004
10/01/2004
The Birthday Report
Thank you for all your lovely birthday wishes.
Carrie Jo, I swear I didn't delete that second comment, hell if I know what happened.
Now, on to my report....
Monster had a total hissyfit that I was going out. She doesn't like it when we go out. EVER. What burns her ass even more is when AMEEN takes us out. It burns her ass. She was screaming and slamming door and cussing at me. I was wandering around humming to myself. screw. her.
Dinner was lovely. SO were the pitchers of strawberry margeritas! I was still on my first one when the horrible singer and her gutair and computer accompaiment started in on that 70's hit "I WILL SURVIVE". Az was sitting next to me and Ameen on my other side. Az's hubby was across from Az. He saw us goofing around singing the song and he motioned to the singer with the mic to come over... she came and next thing I knew, it was in my hand! I'd like to state that the rest was crawling with Navy guys...ie: lots of Americans, which is one of the reasons I chose it. It was as close to home as I was gonna get!
Anyway, seems that Az didn't know all the words, and I ended up singing out my heart all by myself! Heads started turning and soon people were clapping along with the song. I could NEVER forget the words... I called this song "Mama's song" cause it was on the radio constantly just after my parents divorced and we were driving around looking for apartments. I would sing it to her in the car and say "This is YOUR Themesong MOM!". So, I had a nice round of applause when I was done.
When I started singing, Z was sitting across from me hiding behind BOTH hands. Shortly after, he was starting at me open-mouthed in shock! Yeah, THAT will teach him to be afraid I embarass him! HAH!
Many....MANY.......MMMMMMMMMMMMMMAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNYYYYYYYY drink refills later-even Z had 2!-(Z, who NEVER EVER DRINKS AT ALLLLL) we finally crawled home.
Heh. HE had a hangover at work the next day. ME? Who had much more than he did? Nada. I was totally fine.... as usual. Now, on to my actual bday.
Flash forward through my tipsy sleep. I wake up to find Arianna prowling my room. She informs me that I am NOT allowed out of bed. I said "Can I at least go to the bathroom?" she allowed that. Gracious of her, no? Her condition was that I had to get right back in when I was done. I obeyed, wondering what she was up to.
She came in a few minutes later with breakfast in bed. Or her version of it. Tea and toast. Aw. I don't think I've had breakfast (or any other meal for that matter) since I was sick in my teens and my MOM brought for me. WOW. She also brought me a Birthday Card she made for me herself from red construcion paper. Tucked away in the card was a cardboard heart she had cut herself and colored (both sides). My card read as follows:
Happy Birthday Mom. Dear Mom. This is the best day for me and for you EVERY year. It is so nice to spend time with you and I enjoy it and it makes me happy. I love you!!! Love, Arianna
So I am sure you all understand that I was very teary eyed when I read this. I am SO saving this for when I am, hopefully, a very old and cute old lady so I can read it over and over again.
Later, when my hungover hubby came dragging home from work (after reading all of your lovely B-day wishes on my blog, cause he can be a nosey cuss sometimes) with a pretty boquet of flowers in hand. This caused MUCH more cussing and slamming of doors on the part of his mom, even though he tried to hide and sneak them in the house so she wouldn't see. They were very similar to a boquet I saw the other day. Beautiful sprays of creamy white centered Dendrobian Orchids with deep magenta petals, some hewge other orchid that I can't think of the name of, and pale peach roses. I love dendrobian orchids. I had white ones in my wedding bouquet along with roses and that same huge orchid as well. LOTS of green in my birthday bouquet also. He did good.
Yesterday was quiet. Well, other than the screaming, slamming of doors and CURSING shreiking of Monster. and....excecpt for my computer going completely PSYCHO (musta been MIL vivbes) cause it wouldn't let me post ANYTHING. damn thing. Freaky ass computer. Hrumph.
Again, thank you all for the birthday wishes. I was feelin all loved and special. Thank you all very much. A BIG HUG for each and every one of you. MWAH. (what the hell, a kiss too!)
Thank you for all your lovely birthday wishes.
Carrie Jo, I swear I didn't delete that second comment, hell if I know what happened.
Now, on to my report....
Monster had a total hissyfit that I was going out. She doesn't like it when we go out. EVER. What burns her ass even more is when AMEEN takes us out. It burns her ass. She was screaming and slamming door and cussing at me. I was wandering around humming to myself. screw. her.
Dinner was lovely. SO were the pitchers of strawberry margeritas! I was still on my first one when the horrible singer and her gutair and computer accompaiment started in on that 70's hit "I WILL SURVIVE". Az was sitting next to me and Ameen on my other side. Az's hubby was across from Az. He saw us goofing around singing the song and he motioned to the singer with the mic to come over... she came and next thing I knew, it was in my hand! I'd like to state that the rest was crawling with Navy guys...ie: lots of Americans, which is one of the reasons I chose it. It was as close to home as I was gonna get!
Anyway, seems that Az didn't know all the words, and I ended up singing out my heart all by myself! Heads started turning and soon people were clapping along with the song. I could NEVER forget the words... I called this song "Mama's song" cause it was on the radio constantly just after my parents divorced and we were driving around looking for apartments. I would sing it to her in the car and say "This is YOUR Themesong MOM!". So, I had a nice round of applause when I was done.
When I started singing, Z was sitting across from me hiding behind BOTH hands. Shortly after, he was starting at me open-mouthed in shock! Yeah, THAT will teach him to be afraid I embarass him! HAH!
Many....MANY.......MMMMMMMMMMMMMMAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNYYYYYYYY drink refills later-even Z had 2!-(Z, who NEVER EVER DRINKS AT ALLLLL) we finally crawled home.
Heh. HE had a hangover at work the next day. ME? Who had much more than he did? Nada. I was totally fine.... as usual. Now, on to my actual bday.
Flash forward through my tipsy sleep. I wake up to find Arianna prowling my room. She informs me that I am NOT allowed out of bed. I said "Can I at least go to the bathroom?" she allowed that. Gracious of her, no? Her condition was that I had to get right back in when I was done. I obeyed, wondering what she was up to.
She came in a few minutes later with breakfast in bed. Or her version of it. Tea and toast. Aw. I don't think I've had breakfast (or any other meal for that matter) since I was sick in my teens and my MOM brought for me. WOW. She also brought me a Birthday Card she made for me herself from red construcion paper. Tucked away in the card was a cardboard heart she had cut herself and colored (both sides). My card read as follows:
Happy Birthday Mom. Dear Mom. This is the best day for me and for you EVERY year. It is so nice to spend time with you and I enjoy it and it makes me happy. I love you!!! Love, Arianna
So I am sure you all understand that I was very teary eyed when I read this. I am SO saving this for when I am, hopefully, a very old and cute old lady so I can read it over and over again.
Later, when my hungover hubby came dragging home from work (after reading all of your lovely B-day wishes on my blog, cause he can be a nosey cuss sometimes) with a pretty boquet of flowers in hand. This caused MUCH more cussing and slamming of doors on the part of his mom, even though he tried to hide and sneak them in the house so she wouldn't see. They were very similar to a boquet I saw the other day. Beautiful sprays of creamy white centered Dendrobian Orchids with deep magenta petals, some hewge other orchid that I can't think of the name of, and pale peach roses. I love dendrobian orchids. I had white ones in my wedding bouquet along with roses and that same huge orchid as well. LOTS of green in my birthday bouquet also. He did good.
Yesterday was quiet. Well, other than the screaming, slamming of doors and CURSING shreiking of Monster. and....excecpt for my computer going completely PSYCHO (musta been MIL vivbes) cause it wouldn't let me post ANYTHING. damn thing. Freaky ass computer. Hrumph.
Again, thank you all for the birthday wishes. I was feelin all loved and special. Thank you all very much. A BIG HUG for each and every one of you. MWAH. (what the hell, a kiss too!)
9/29/2004
Getting Older
So, my birthday is tomorrow. I’ll officially be 33 at 7:41am EST. (Like the way I drag out turning a year older?) woo. hoo.
What am I doing for my birthday? Nothing much really. Well, Z’s friend Ameen-who he’s known since childhood (who, shortly after meeting me and a few times since said “Divorce this asshole and marry ME instead! He doesn’t deserve you! Haaaaaaaaa!)ALWAYS remembers my birthday and so, for the last month has been planning to take me out for my birthday to dinner , like he does every year since I moved here, and said to Z “Yeah, you can come too.” Since when he asked what we are doing, Z replied with a shrug “I dunno”. So, Ameen will take me out for my birthday a day earlier (tonight) since he has family obligations on my actual birthday. So yes, I am going out to dinner for my birthday, but no, my husband is not involved in the planning-by his own choice- in any way.
Arianna came in and jumped in my face the other morning in bed, then got all snuggly then said in a sing-song voice “Who’s birthday is this weeeeeeeeek, hmmmmm??????” about 10 times with a goofy smile on her face. I love this kid, I swear.
What is it about birthdays that turn us all introspective? With each passing year it gets worse and worse, it seems. At least to me it does.
I find myself thinking about what I’ve done with and in my life so far and what I plan to do. Or perhaps I should say HOPE to do. Or what I maybe SHOULD have done. Or should be doing……Ugh, it’s enough to give anyone a panic attack, I swear! *Scrambles for that “emergency” xanax*
I look at what goals I set for my adulthood I have reached and which ones I haven’t, and which ones are just unrealistic. I find myself being more concerned about my older years now and stability for the future. I’m a planner by nature, so I can’t help myself.
This whole infertility thing really gets to me with each year I add on too. Talk about a biological clock ticking! Damn! Except it’s more like a clock attached to a B*mb. Tick-tock-tick-tock and I don’t know which damn wire to snip to get the clock to stop ticking away. I’ve been thinking about this since I was first diagnosed with PCOS at 15. You do the damn math honey! That’s a heck of a lot of years. I think that is the most frustrating thing for me getting older…. I know my eggs have a general expiration date, except I don’t know exactly when that is… and THAT is kinda scary.
I had really hoped to have a couple of kids (3) by this age. 1 down, 2 to go. I’d be happy with one more, but if by some fluke of science or God’s graciousness I were to have twins, I’d be a happy camper…. And DONE. Of all my goals I’ve set for myself, this is the one thing that really sticks in my craw that I haven’t accomplished yet. Notice I said “yet”. Cause I am a stubborn and determined thing. But damn me it’s frustrating.
I’d also planned that Monster would NOT be living with us still. You ALL know where I am on that goal. That is the UNREACHABLE GOAL. The impossible, short of me leaving, goal. When I got engaged, I mentioned this, and I was promised “a couple of years”. Y’all, I define a “Couple” as 2 or 3 years. NOT 14. It was just a hush up comment. Boy am I a sucker. Hindsight is a bitch, no?
I’d like to have my own home. A house. I don’t really care where. It looks like that MIGHT maybe be a possibility in the next year, fingers crossed. (Long story) But I don’t want to get my hopes all up and all, you know? Yeah, I thought you might. Counting chickens and whatnot.
It pisses me off that I’m gonna be 33 and jobless. This is SO unacceptable. I’ve been working since I was 14 years old, dammit. Z told me a few weeks ago “I bet you will have a nice job by your birthday”. Well honey, unless a miracle happens in the next 24 hours or so, it don’t look like it.
Lets see, that book I always wanted to write? There are about 12 good solid chapters written (with a S*hitload of ideas rolling in my head so fast I can’t get them down fast enough, but there are some misc. notes also). So that is something, no? YEAH!
This blog. Do you know, I never, ever would have thought I would do something like this, but I find that I love it, and I am quite proud of it. Blogging makes me happy. This blog is very close to my heart. Many people in my “real” life don’t know about it. The only person in my family that knows about it is my Mom. NO ONE is Z’s family know about it. (Can you just imagine?? *shudder*) A few old friends (Cat, RoseAnn, Haifa) know, but not many. I am very open on my blog. I don’t hold much of anything back at all. Pretty much what you see is what you get. I’m serious, introspective, funny, SILLY as HELL, cuss a bit, am loving and caring and awfully playful. All the different sides of me come out here. When I’m sad, you know it. When I’m depressed you know it. When I’m happy you know it. When I’m mad… it’s real obvious. When I’m playful… you sure as hell know it! This is my haven. It isn’t all fancy schmancy like I would like it to be….yet. My next plan? (cause you know I HAVE to plan) To move on up to TypePad eventually with my own domain name (Like, once I’m again gainfully employed). Blogger.com sometimes really pisses me off. Ok, frequently pisses me off. Who knows, maybe one day I will end up turning this into a book. I would have to change the names to protect the not-so-innocent, but hey, you never know!
My birthdays cause me to miss my Nana greatly. The only thing worse than my birthday? Christmas. But I know she’s watching over me.
On the upside, and most importantly, I’m relatively healthy with nothing SERIOUSLY wrong (that I know of). Well, excecpt for this dang infection and hacking cough that just won't bugger off!! For a while, I didn’t think I would make it to 30, so to be sitting here almost 33 is quite an accomplishment. I had a rough patch there for a while. But I figure that God must have SOME plan for me, so I’ll know what it is when He is good and ready to let me know.
I have some amazing friends in my life. Old and new. Some that I didn’t have last year. Amazingly some genuinely wonderful people I’ve met by blogging, so my life is richer by having known you. Amalah, Genuiune, Mindy, Chris, Ollie, Hula, Kim, Cheryl b., Saz, Lee, Carrie Jo, Martha, and Leigh. To the rest of you that I might have forgotten to mention, you know who you are! Y’all are “All that AND a bag of chips!!” *triple Zorro snap* Aw what the hell, dip too!
So here I am, alive and kicking in 2004. Please God 2005 is better tho!
I have a feeling that Costrina might just serenade me with the special "Birthday Song" we created when we worked together with Molly. Heheheheheheeeeeee. Did you all know that I can sing "Happy Birthday" in 4 langueages PLUS a very vulgar made-up version too?
Is it too much to want a Pinata? I feel like smacking the crap out of something with a bat. I'll share the candy!
So, my birthday is tomorrow. I’ll officially be 33 at 7:41am EST. (Like the way I drag out turning a year older?) woo. hoo.
What am I doing for my birthday? Nothing much really. Well, Z’s friend Ameen-who he’s known since childhood (who, shortly after meeting me and a few times since said “Divorce this asshole and marry ME instead! He doesn’t deserve you! Haaaaaaaaa!)ALWAYS remembers my birthday and so, for the last month has been planning to take me out for my birthday to dinner , like he does every year since I moved here, and said to Z “Yeah, you can come too.” Since when he asked what we are doing, Z replied with a shrug “I dunno”. So, Ameen will take me out for my birthday a day earlier (tonight) since he has family obligations on my actual birthday. So yes, I am going out to dinner for my birthday, but no, my husband is not involved in the planning-by his own choice- in any way.
Arianna came in and jumped in my face the other morning in bed, then got all snuggly then said in a sing-song voice “Who’s birthday is this weeeeeeeeek, hmmmmm??????” about 10 times with a goofy smile on her face. I love this kid, I swear.
What is it about birthdays that turn us all introspective? With each passing year it gets worse and worse, it seems. At least to me it does.
I find myself thinking about what I’ve done with and in my life so far and what I plan to do. Or perhaps I should say HOPE to do. Or what I maybe SHOULD have done. Or should be doing……Ugh, it’s enough to give anyone a panic attack, I swear! *Scrambles for that “emergency” xanax*
I look at what goals I set for my adulthood I have reached and which ones I haven’t, and which ones are just unrealistic. I find myself being more concerned about my older years now and stability for the future. I’m a planner by nature, so I can’t help myself.
This whole infertility thing really gets to me with each year I add on too. Talk about a biological clock ticking! Damn! Except it’s more like a clock attached to a B*mb. Tick-tock-tick-tock and I don’t know which damn wire to snip to get the clock to stop ticking away. I’ve been thinking about this since I was first diagnosed with PCOS at 15. You do the damn math honey! That’s a heck of a lot of years. I think that is the most frustrating thing for me getting older…. I know my eggs have a general expiration date, except I don’t know exactly when that is… and THAT is kinda scary.
I had really hoped to have a couple of kids (3) by this age. 1 down, 2 to go. I’d be happy with one more, but if by some fluke of science or God’s graciousness I were to have twins, I’d be a happy camper…. And DONE. Of all my goals I’ve set for myself, this is the one thing that really sticks in my craw that I haven’t accomplished yet. Notice I said “yet”. Cause I am a stubborn and determined thing. But damn me it’s frustrating.
I’d also planned that Monster would NOT be living with us still. You ALL know where I am on that goal. That is the UNREACHABLE GOAL. The impossible, short of me leaving, goal. When I got engaged, I mentioned this, and I was promised “a couple of years”. Y’all, I define a “Couple” as 2 or 3 years. NOT 14. It was just a hush up comment. Boy am I a sucker. Hindsight is a bitch, no?
I’d like to have my own home. A house. I don’t really care where. It looks like that MIGHT maybe be a possibility in the next year, fingers crossed. (Long story) But I don’t want to get my hopes all up and all, you know? Yeah, I thought you might. Counting chickens and whatnot.
It pisses me off that I’m gonna be 33 and jobless. This is SO unacceptable. I’ve been working since I was 14 years old, dammit. Z told me a few weeks ago “I bet you will have a nice job by your birthday”. Well honey, unless a miracle happens in the next 24 hours or so, it don’t look like it.
Lets see, that book I always wanted to write? There are about 12 good solid chapters written (with a S*hitload of ideas rolling in my head so fast I can’t get them down fast enough, but there are some misc. notes also). So that is something, no? YEAH!
This blog. Do you know, I never, ever would have thought I would do something like this, but I find that I love it, and I am quite proud of it. Blogging makes me happy. This blog is very close to my heart. Many people in my “real” life don’t know about it. The only person in my family that knows about it is my Mom. NO ONE is Z’s family know about it. (Can you just imagine?? *shudder*) A few old friends (Cat, RoseAnn, Haifa) know, but not many. I am very open on my blog. I don’t hold much of anything back at all. Pretty much what you see is what you get. I’m serious, introspective, funny, SILLY as HELL, cuss a bit, am loving and caring and awfully playful. All the different sides of me come out here. When I’m sad, you know it. When I’m depressed you know it. When I’m happy you know it. When I’m mad… it’s real obvious. When I’m playful… you sure as hell know it! This is my haven. It isn’t all fancy schmancy like I would like it to be….yet. My next plan? (cause you know I HAVE to plan) To move on up to TypePad eventually with my own domain name (Like, once I’m again gainfully employed). Blogger.com sometimes really pisses me off. Ok, frequently pisses me off. Who knows, maybe one day I will end up turning this into a book. I would have to change the names to protect the not-so-innocent, but hey, you never know!
My birthdays cause me to miss my Nana greatly. The only thing worse than my birthday? Christmas. But I know she’s watching over me.
On the upside, and most importantly, I’m relatively healthy with nothing SERIOUSLY wrong (that I know of). Well, excecpt for this dang infection and hacking cough that just won't bugger off!! For a while, I didn’t think I would make it to 30, so to be sitting here almost 33 is quite an accomplishment. I had a rough patch there for a while. But I figure that God must have SOME plan for me, so I’ll know what it is when He is good and ready to let me know.
I have some amazing friends in my life. Old and new. Some that I didn’t have last year. Amazingly some genuinely wonderful people I’ve met by blogging, so my life is richer by having known you. Amalah, Genuiune, Mindy, Chris, Ollie, Hula, Kim, Cheryl b., Saz, Lee, Carrie Jo, Martha, and Leigh. To the rest of you that I might have forgotten to mention, you know who you are! Y’all are “All that AND a bag of chips!!” *triple Zorro snap* Aw what the hell, dip too!
So here I am, alive and kicking in 2004. Please God 2005 is better tho!
I have a feeling that Costrina might just serenade me with the special "Birthday Song" we created when we worked together with Molly. Heheheheheheeeeeee. Did you all know that I can sing "Happy Birthday" in 4 langueages PLUS a very vulgar made-up version too?
Is it too much to want a Pinata? I feel like smacking the crap out of something with a bat. I'll share the candy!
9/27/2004
Hilarious! Sad, but Hilarious!
Today my lovelies have I got a post for YOU!
From time to time I like to post about stupid people tricks I hear about in the news or entertainment industry or sometimes, right here in my own backyard, so to speak. This is freaking HILARIOUS, hence the brilliant and witty title of my post today!
So you all be good readers and go pee first before you read any further. Go on, I’ll wait for you…………… Ok, you back? Good. Now put down that glass of wine, soda, milk, coffee, whatever (Genuine, for you, DO NOT DRINK THE WHISKEY WHILE READING THIS!), cause we don’t want you snorting out of your nose, now DO WE? No.
Ahem!
Around 6am today I was fortunately deep asleep. What woke me up was the lack of air conditioning. (I am very temperature sensitive when I sleep – ie: heat no good) I groggily ask Z, who, bless his soul is going to do the school run “Whaaa? No A/C?……huh?… mumble… bleh”. Z:”Nope.” Me: “Electricity dead again??” Z: “Yeah” Me: “Stupid Assholes”. Z: “-----“.
I try to doze off and on fitfully, since I didn’t sleep last night, AS USUAL. Finally, I give up… waiting for the electricity to come back on. One hour…. Two hours….and I’m kind pissed by hour #4 so I send a SMS message on my mobile to Z, N (Hamster owner), and Az, (Triplets Mom) asking roughly “Do you have elect or is the whole country dead again cause it’s 4 damn hours now?”
From Z, I get no response, which you will understand WHY in just a minute or so. From N I get a PHONE CALL that went like this:
N: ‘Hi! Didn’t you KNOW?’
ME: ‘Hi, um, know WHAT?’
N: ‘ You mean Z didn’t TELL you? Figures.’
ME: ‘No, so why don’t YOU tell me, hmmmm?’
N: *snickering* ‘Your house is the only one without electricity! Grandma had the garden hose on the front porch this morning and…..she poured a ton of water on the electricial panel & circuit breaker box there.(Y’all? It’s as tall as I am, 5’7, and has a painted wooden door that is pretty tightly sealed) Flooded it, and then it exploded.’
ME: * sputtering* ‘WHAT THE FUCK??????????????? It…. EXPLODED?’
N: ‘Yeah.’
ME: ‘Why the HELL did she pour water on the fucking ELECTRICAL PANEL OF ALL PLACES?’
N: ‘You sure you wanna know?’
ME: ‘yeah….’
N: ‘she was killing ants’
ME: ‘-------------‘
N: ‘U there?’
ME: ‘ uh-huh, sorta…there’s 2 cans of RAID next to the elect panel! What the hell?’
N: ‘who the hell knows?’
ME: ‘She could have been electrocuted! What dumb ass pours water near electricity? ON ELECTRICITY??”
N: ‘No such luck’ (this is her granddaughter that she hates, remember)
ME: *more muttering and sputtering*
N: ‘Call Z and see if he will admit it to you!’
ME: ‘Ok.’
I call him and he tells me. THEN he tells me what the compound manager has said to him. The WHOLE panel has to be replaced, BUT, they can’t do anything because the panel is flooded with water. So we have to wait for it to dry. I got FOUR phone calls from the manager telling me off about this saying that this has NEVER EVER happened in this compound or any of the other properties they own. HE told me that it could have possibly caused an electrical fire or something or burnt up the wiring in the walls, so we are lucky. I apologize profusely but ask can he PLEASE rush the fixing a bit?
Monster is a quiet as a mouse in her room, except for the odd muttering under her breath “But I ALWAYS DO THIS!”.
Az then called me having NO idea what G-ma did to our house. I told her right as Z sent her an SMS message on her cell phone. She read the message to me aloud, then said “FUCK! What the FUCK was G-ma doing??? She is nuts. She needs to see a freaking shrink ASAP. Damn.Go sit in my house in the a/c. NO WAIT! You’re SICK. DON”T GO NEAR MY BABIES! Sit in the heat. Hahahaha.” I told her “Look sukah, that’s WHY I haven’t been over to your house in like, 2 weeks!” She said “oh, ok!”.
People, we had to wait till late afternoon. When Z came home from work, we had to go present ourselves to the Management. I chickened out and sat in the car. 5 minutes later, Z came back out rolling his eyes and looking embarrassed. It turns out that the manager came to the house and asked Monster as best as he could what happened and she tried to blame the gardener and his sprinkler. Then he pointed out to her the amount of water still in the panel and told her, NO. She finally had to admit what she did. Thing is, when the Mgr was trying to tell Z, he was laughing hysterically in Z’s face. He just couldn’t get over the fact that she poured the water on it and he told him so…..repeatedly. Heh. Z told me when he got in the car “yeah, he couldn’t believe it, but that’s because he’s never run into a villager from Shiraz before!”
All I could keep thinking, the whole time, over and over was: “I am SO blogging this!”
Today my lovelies have I got a post for YOU!
From time to time I like to post about stupid people tricks I hear about in the news or entertainment industry or sometimes, right here in my own backyard, so to speak. This is freaking HILARIOUS, hence the brilliant and witty title of my post today!
So you all be good readers and go pee first before you read any further. Go on, I’ll wait for you…………… Ok, you back? Good. Now put down that glass of wine, soda, milk, coffee, whatever (Genuine, for you, DO NOT DRINK THE WHISKEY WHILE READING THIS!), cause we don’t want you snorting out of your nose, now DO WE? No.
Ahem!
Around 6am today I was fortunately deep asleep. What woke me up was the lack of air conditioning. (I am very temperature sensitive when I sleep – ie: heat no good) I groggily ask Z, who, bless his soul is going to do the school run “Whaaa? No A/C?……huh?… mumble… bleh”. Z:”Nope.” Me: “Electricity dead again??” Z: “Yeah” Me: “Stupid Assholes”. Z: “-----“.
I try to doze off and on fitfully, since I didn’t sleep last night, AS USUAL. Finally, I give up… waiting for the electricity to come back on. One hour…. Two hours….and I’m kind pissed by hour #4 so I send a SMS message on my mobile to Z, N (Hamster owner), and Az, (Triplets Mom) asking roughly “Do you have elect or is the whole country dead again cause it’s 4 damn hours now?”
From Z, I get no response, which you will understand WHY in just a minute or so. From N I get a PHONE CALL that went like this:
N: ‘Hi! Didn’t you KNOW?’
ME: ‘Hi, um, know WHAT?’
N: ‘ You mean Z didn’t TELL you? Figures.’
ME: ‘No, so why don’t YOU tell me, hmmmm?’
N: *snickering* ‘Your house is the only one without electricity! Grandma had the garden hose on the front porch this morning and…..she poured a ton of water on the electricial panel & circuit breaker box there.(Y’all? It’s as tall as I am, 5’7, and has a painted wooden door that is pretty tightly sealed) Flooded it, and then it exploded.’
ME: * sputtering* ‘WHAT THE FUCK??????????????? It…. EXPLODED?’
N: ‘Yeah.’
ME: ‘Why the HELL did she pour water on the fucking ELECTRICAL PANEL OF ALL PLACES?’
N: ‘You sure you wanna know?’
ME: ‘yeah….’
N: ‘she was killing ants’
ME: ‘-------------‘
N: ‘U there?’
ME: ‘ uh-huh, sorta…there’s 2 cans of RAID next to the elect panel! What the hell?’
N: ‘who the hell knows?’
ME: ‘She could have been electrocuted! What dumb ass pours water near electricity? ON ELECTRICITY??”
N: ‘No such luck’ (this is her granddaughter that she hates, remember)
ME: *more muttering and sputtering*
N: ‘Call Z and see if he will admit it to you!’
ME: ‘Ok.’
I call him and he tells me. THEN he tells me what the compound manager has said to him. The WHOLE panel has to be replaced, BUT, they can’t do anything because the panel is flooded with water. So we have to wait for it to dry. I got FOUR phone calls from the manager telling me off about this saying that this has NEVER EVER happened in this compound or any of the other properties they own. HE told me that it could have possibly caused an electrical fire or something or burnt up the wiring in the walls, so we are lucky. I apologize profusely but ask can he PLEASE rush the fixing a bit?
Monster is a quiet as a mouse in her room, except for the odd muttering under her breath “But I ALWAYS DO THIS!”.
Az then called me having NO idea what G-ma did to our house. I told her right as Z sent her an SMS message on her cell phone. She read the message to me aloud, then said “FUCK! What the FUCK was G-ma doing??? She is nuts. She needs to see a freaking shrink ASAP. Damn.Go sit in my house in the a/c. NO WAIT! You’re SICK. DON”T GO NEAR MY BABIES! Sit in the heat. Hahahaha.” I told her “Look sukah, that’s WHY I haven’t been over to your house in like, 2 weeks!” She said “oh, ok!”.
People, we had to wait till late afternoon. When Z came home from work, we had to go present ourselves to the Management. I chickened out and sat in the car. 5 minutes later, Z came back out rolling his eyes and looking embarrassed. It turns out that the manager came to the house and asked Monster as best as he could what happened and she tried to blame the gardener and his sprinkler. Then he pointed out to her the amount of water still in the panel and told her, NO. She finally had to admit what she did. Thing is, when the Mgr was trying to tell Z, he was laughing hysterically in Z’s face. He just couldn’t get over the fact that she poured the water on it and he told him so…..repeatedly. Heh. Z told me when he got in the car “yeah, he couldn’t believe it, but that’s because he’s never run into a villager from Shiraz before!”
All I could keep thinking, the whole time, over and over was: “I am SO blogging this!”
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