Scarlett's Haven

mama wants sleep

2009-10-19T23:56:00.000+03:00

Its midnight and the room is in shadows. Anya has woken Connor. AND Rory up with her loud "talking and growling". Aidan is a little restless laying like a prince in our huge curtained four poster bed.

Rory is on my shoulder tossing and turning and Connor is in Nanny Siony's arms now WIDE awake looking at Anya through the shadows like "shut the heck up! And like he would dearly love to smack her one.

Connor loves his sleep. A LOT.

Aidan was cranky because MIL went on a trip for a month today. Wouldn't sleep nap, whatever and was generally grumpy until his big sister Arianna started making fart noises and asking him if he wanted to make pooopy, which he seemed to find utterly hilarious. Even with his beloved aunties doing their combined best to get him down to sleep it took a good long while.

Ah, all are settled now. Rory at my breast in bed, Aidan cuddled in daddys arms. Connor is with Siony having his midnight snack as usual and Anya is hogging up the crib at the foot of our bed, stretche out and deep asleep, just as she likes it. My little bed hog; I love them all so.

Now I will try and catch more than a catnap for a change.

Front Page

2009-10-16T22:03:00.000+03:00

Funny thing. After we had the quads, we were on the cover of the Gulf Weekly- all of us in bright color- yes, photo and interview. Now this week, my boss, the CEO of the company where I work is on the cover of the same paper!

We were on the cover, naturally, about having had the Fantastic Four. They were on the cover supporting freezing the stem cells from a newborn umbilicus. Which I totally agree with but unfortunately could not afford to do for my babies. I wish I could have, but it would have cost us roughly $16,000 to do for the babies. Out of the question financially for us.

But I digress.

I thought it was cool and very brave of he and his wife to come out and mention the loss of two previous children. He had personally mentioned this to me in complete confidence almost two years ago when I was having one of my miscarriages and was so supportive, understanding and positive even though his wife was pregnant again at the time. He told me not to stop trying - never to give up. My response? "You don't know me- I don't give up and believe me, I won't!" He smiled at me and said good!

It is nice to see him on the cover with his wife and two children- one of which was the baby that was on the way all those months ago.

Good on you man. You're one of the best and most honest men I've had the pleasure to work for.

But Andy? I was on the cover first! :)

Bon Apetit!

2009-10-16T21:53:00.000+03:00

I just have to say it- I absolutely LOVE my weird babies to death! They are weird cause they love, love, LOVE broccoli! They woof it. That and split green peas and carrots.

They just make me laugh so much. They growl and say muuum! And smack their hands on the highair tray for more and get really irritated if they don't get another spoonful fast enough for their liking.

I absolutley adore my little darlings so very much and am glad they enjoy the healthy homemade food I whip up for them. It gives me a real sense of satisfaction and is totally worth the time it takes to do it.

Bon Apetit my loves!

Angels really DO exist

2009-10-13T22:24:00.000+03:00

Ah let's see now... Last Thursday Anya decided to look me right in the face and say very clearly in a loud voice "MAMA!" I got so very happy, so she smiled at me with that ear-to-ear grin of hers and did it again.

As if that wasn't enough of a slice of Heaven, then yesterday when I came home from work I was standing just inside the front door and saw Anya in the living room investigating things in the walker. I watched her for a minute and then softly called her name- she startles easily at times- and her head whipped around. She stared at me with what seemed like disbelief and then a huge smile plastered her beautiful face and she turned the walker around in a heartbeat and RAN as fast as her little legs could push her in that contraption to me. When she skidded to a halt by slamming into my shins, she looked up at me with an expression of triumph and held her arms up an open to me.

I melted.

Then leaned over and snatched her up into my arms and held her so very tight while I kissed her to bits.

She did the same again this morning when I was coming down the stairs to leave for work.

She is my angel... And the best surprise I have ever had in my entire life. I am blessed and beyond grateful for all of my children.

blogging from my BB!

2009-10-12T01:00:00.000+03:00

Well this IS fascinating! I finally had the thought that even though Ari hoggs up the laptop 24/7 I could perhaps blog from my BB. Fancy that! Oh well, better late than ever, eh? And MUCH easier than fighting a teenager for the one working laptop in the house. Gasp!

So, let's try this on for size and see how it goes, shall we? We shall see just how much I can multi-task. Or something.

Mama Cyn

2009-08-09T22:35:00.002+03:00

Something funny has happened since I gave birth to quadruplets.... I've apparently become the 'go to' person for expectant & new fathers (particulary those with twins on the way) that know me at work, and their wives, which in a way is kind of cool. Like I'm some kind of expert. Well I suppose that in some weird way I am.

I mean, I got pregnant, I carried them well, worked until about 5 weeks prior to delivery, no serious complications in a very uneventful pregnancy until I developed a nasty lung infection that made all hell break loose and sent my ass straight into ICU for a week prior to delivering. Had nice gorgeous babies with good Apgars. I'm back at work. I haven't totally lost my mind(yet) - I dont' think. I'm managing... somehow.

Ok, I have in-house live-in help while I'm at work. I pay for it, which I call piece of mind while I am at work that allows me to concentrate and do what I need to do to get paid, have medical insurance for all of us, life insurance coverage on me, and the benefits I get via my job that benefit my whole family and literally put food on the table and diapers on my babies precious little butts.

But when I'm home, and in the middle of the night, and all weekend long- I'm very hands on. I stayed home till the babies were almost 5 months old. I was ON 24/7 and looked it. I slept precisely 2 hours a day - not counting the couple of times I would fall asleep while peeing. Not for long, but you know, a catnap. My numb butt woke me up. It got to the point during my 3am-5am sleep that when a baby would cry and I would fly upright in the bed, hubby would force me back down and I would pop right back up, mostly still asleep. Again, he would gently push me down until I would stay down, insisiting that i would get those couple of hours in my tired self.

I guess what I'm getting at is that what I started my blog for, and am continuing it, has been mirrored in real life. And for that, I'm doubly grateful. Because if my experiences and 'knowledge' such as it is, can help someone have a better day, or make their pregnancy or infertility journey a little bit easier to get through, then all the better in my book.

Mama's Haven

2009-08-07T21:21:00.004+03:00

Hello again! Have had several things running in my mind to post, but unfortunately, trying to get Arianna off of the laptop during summer break is proving to be mission impossible. I think she's upstairs in the shower or something right now... saw no one on it so I jumped while I could.

I just want to say thank you. Thank you to those of you who have hung in there, and wondered just what in the hell I've been up to for such a long time, and those of you who know me from other bloggers comments sections, and those of you that have gone from my first blog here on blogger.com to my own domain that has gone batshit crazy- then into hiatus when all computer devices were dead, then took forever to get internet up in our new house, then for me to get my mind back in order to blog again... so glad you've stuck around. It means the world.

Think I will make some modifications to how I blogged before. I want this to not only be my haven, and it is, but also to be a record of the Quads baby and childhood memories.

It is only logical for it to work this way in my mind since it began and was a chronicle of my rollercoaster adventure to get and stay pregnant. I have to admit though, never in my wildest dreams did I think I would end up with anything more than, possibly twins, by some weird chance. I only thought I would possibly get pregnant with one, and that would be ok. To end up so blessed? Not in a million years.

So I think I will seperate specific stories with labels of each child's name. Aidan, Anya, Connor, and Rory respectively. Tales about the quads in general under a seperate label within this blog, and of course, my usual antics about the rest of my world.

So, thanks for coming. Get some snacks, have a seat, fasten your seatbelt, and hang on for one hell of a ride!

Mama Needs A Snuggle

2009-07-20T22:40:00.003+03:00

Hello. Am tired. Beyond. Belief.

Had a L-O-N-G day and then when I got home, late, things kinda went downhill from there- with the excecption of Z holding Connor at the front gate waiting for me to come from parking my car. (with my horny cat half-draped off the upstairs balcony yowling for someone to come make her day and be quick about it!) That's some welcome home, I tell you.

Z's friends came over for a bit while I was making dinner (and burning onions on low instead of sauteeing them.) How I managed to burn them on low temp I'll never know. Aidan had fallen asleep in my arms, so Z put him on his mom's bed in her downstairs bedroom and I thought he took him upstairs to his own bed with the others with nannies watching over them while I cook.

I heard crying but thought it was upstairs, so I didn't go running. Turns out Z's mom had gone in her room, and then come back out again shutting the damn door- Aidan woke up, cried a bit, then freaked the hell out at being alone and went into total meltdown. When I realized, I ran to him, and it took a good 45 min to get him calmed down. So I guess that means i'm pissed and tired. my poor guy. You wouldn't believe that about an hour after his freak out he was sitting on my lap rocking himself back and forth like he's in a rocking chair laughing uncontrollably at his daddy telling him "I LOVE YOU!" over and over again.

Party at my place!

2009-07-18T22:51:00.004+03:00

Okay, so most weekends I might leave the house once and thats to raid the nearest drive-thru and run back home faster than you can blink. Well, that and to get formula. (because seriously, I have TWO breasts, not FOUR Of course I have to supplement with formula.) But more often than not, there is a baby hanging from my boob- or more accurately, wrapped around one.

Due to other varied circumstances beyond my/our control, my bestest girlfriends and I don't get to see each other as much as we'd like. We're closer than close, and really, both of them were really there -specially N- when I was pregnant and in ICU, hospital, and hell, prior to my quad pregnancy even through my miscarriages. I miss my girls, ya know?

Well totally unplanned, they both, plus 1.5 (another friend who's hugely pregnant from work) all showed up at my house today. Well SURPRISE! YAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay. My afternoon turned into "musical laps" for the babies and it was great. Made my whole month, I swear.

Kisses

Thanks ladies, it was great to see you.

Ugh, back to work tomorrow...I wonder who's not going to show up this week?

Scarlett Cyn is BACK from hiatus!

2009-07-17T23:19:00.005+03:00

I've been awfully quiet for a year now. I was without inet service since we moved into our new place last fall for 6 months. Then my laptop died. Hubby's laptop also bit the dust. My WP blog is down for whatever reason and I am back to my original blog here- at least for now- indefinetly.

I have been busy and rather... occupied. Pun entirely intended.

I became mother to quadruplets on February 1st of this year. I had my 3 boys and another girl who was the surprise of my life- we didn't know she was in there. I thought I was having triplets all along -and so did my doctors. Imagine our collective surprise there in the operating room? Boy, Girl, Boy..BOY! I thought we were having triplet boys. So much for that. Fortunately, I got to use all the names we had picked out. Aidan, Anya, Connor, and Rory - in order of birth, respectively. Big sister Arianna is so happy and so proud. She's absolutely wonderful with them.

I went back to work on May 11th. Things have been a little, well, busy, ever since.

I find myself missing my blog. Blogging in general. And, I want to document all that I've gone through not only for myself to look back on, not only to share with others, but so that my children will have something to look back on, so that everything is documented- my mommy memories and experiences. I've already waited too long, and I don't want to miss anything else.

So I invite you to join me in my daiy shennagans and new multiple mommyhood to the Fantastic Four stories!

I didn't realize it was THAT BIG!

2005-10-14T00:25:00.000+03:00

I'm talking about my archives. What did you think I was talking about?

........

.......................

*gasps!!!* Y'all are SO DIRTY MINDED! What AM I going to do with ya?

Anyhoooo, I just realized that I have a gizillion posts in my archives that need transferring to my new blog over at Scarlett's Haven. And I think I will wait for my laptop to do that.

Yeah, my laptop should be out of the shop very soon. My MOTHERBOARD crashed. ugh.

Bear with me.

2005-08-01T19:46:00.000+03:00

DOES THIS EVEN WORK ANYMORE?

Ugh!!

Blogger.com has totally betrayed my loyalty and perserverance.

Fuckers.

No wonder I finally got my own domain name....you know... this one: www.scarlettcyn.com

2005-07-14T17:31:00.000+03:00

SO FED UP!!!!!!!!!

To all my loyal and faithful readers, aka "my posse":

I think you will all agree with me that it is waaaay past time for me to kiss blogger.com adieu. Right?

To that end, I've moved on to greener pastures and decided to get my own private digs where I will (hopefully) not have to deal with crazy-ass shit like my blog freezing up for over a week and NO ONE AT BLOGGER HELPING (OTHER THAN A LAME ASS COMPUTER GENERATED EMAIL that was good for NOTHING WHATSOEVER) REGARDLESS OF HOW MANY DAMN HELP MEEEEEEEE PLEEEASE???!!! EMAILS I SEND! (hint, hint!!)

Say it with me now, "Blogger.com!?! It's been great, but, KISS MY GRITS!"

Yes! That's RIGHT! I've got my own brand-spankin new HAVEN! WHOOOOOOOOO!!!!! Check it out: For a good time, click this link!

Let me know what you think! Until then,

"Why don't you come up and see me sometime?"

2005-07-11T18:21:00.000+03:00

Hello?

I think my blog went on vacation and didn't bother to take me along. Damn traitor.

Will anyone even SEE this post?

Blogger helpdesk is SO NOT HELPFUL. So thanks for nothing guys.

*crickets chirping.....louder and louder* (or is that locusts?)

sigh.

2005-07-09T01:26:00.000+03:00

Oh What The Hell!???

Hello. Is this thing on??? *taps screen* Can't seem to get my posts to display on my blog lately. Hell if I know why.

I, my dears, feel like absolute shit right now.

My day was ok until my daughter asked me at lunch (in a restaurant) "Mom, what is a hooker?" After I picked up my dropped jaw from the tabletop, I replied "well...... um, a hooker is a woman who expects and gets money from a man in return for affection, to put it simply."

How'd I do y'all?? Well, it shut HER up, at least.

so far, so good.

Mama 1, Arianna 0

Then came Z a little while later interjecting a very odd question into the silence at the table. Curious? Who's curious?

He asked Ari, "So, do you think Mom and Dad still love each other and will stay together or do you think that they will separate like sometimes happens to families and maybe some of your friends parents too, when the parents change and don't feel the same way and don't love each other the same anymore? You know, like your Aunties (his sisters) and uncles. Your uncles aren't bad people, they and your aunties just didn't feel the same way anymore as they initally did, is all." (these divorces he is referring to happened six and ten years ago respectively.)

I don't know who was more shocked, me or Ari. We stared at him, then each other, then....

Well, it was a weird-ass question, I tell you.

She just stared at him with big eyes and said "what brought that on?" and I just looked down at my plate. He just shrugged and said "I dunno, answer me."

Dad 2 billion, Mama 1 and confused and feeling slightly nauseous, Ari ......confused.

He sort of dropped it, sort of. But then, later tonight, Ari was freaking out on me, and when I asked her what was wrong, she wailed (and she is not a wailer) "I don't want to be an only child! Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa"

Great. Now I feel like shit. A useless, reproductively-challenged, confused woman. The worst thing is that I'm letting her down, not just myself.

I just found myself apologizing to her, and we both ended up crying. God knows I've tried so hard for another child. God knows I want another one. FOR ME. For her, and to hell with everyone else. To fail in this most simplest of things for most women is so damn frustrating.

Ugh. Somebody get me an Amaretto drip, STAT!!

Geee, and how was YOUR day?

2005-07-08T01:28:00.000+03:00

Testing, TESTING!!!

Hey, I've been trying to post something all day long and both from work and home, it is just NOT showing.

So, I am asking for a little help, from you, my beloved readers.

1) If you see this post, please let me know.

2) Could you be a sweetheart (as I know you ALL are already!) and tell me the title of the last post YOU see? (cause frankly? I'm getting irritated as hell.) And it's getting on my last damn nerve that it isn't showing up. And due to the occurances in London today, my neves are already pretty much shot to hell anyway as horrified and disgusted as I am!

And in case what I wanted to show ISN"T showing, I simply wanted to say this: My prayers and thoughts go out to all of those affected by todays terrible events. God Bless you all.

2005-07-07T15:54:00.000+03:00

Horrifying Deja Vu

I was just wrapping up a meeting I was attending away from my office when I saw the news starting to trickle in on Sky News (the UK version of CNN) on the wall of plasma screen tv's of the explosions in London today.

I had the same sick feeling that I did back on September 11 when I first heard about the attacks on the WTC buildings. I thought to myself "power surge, my ass, this is an attack of some kind. I hope it isn't only the beginning."

Never have I wished I was more wrong.

In the past hours, I have been glued to my cnn.com homepage, watching the unfolding scenes and news with complete horror.

It's happening all over again, and I'm willing to put my money on the brain behind it, too. It has all the earmarks of The mad genius, for that is what you-know-who is, perverting and distorting the tennants of a religion for his own purposes. The timeline, the synchronization was too disgustingly, sickeningly perfect. One hell of a trademark.

My heart, prayers, and sympathy goes out to the people of London.

What is interesting is my theory about the whole horrific happenings today. The day after it was announced that London had won the Olympics bid and the G8 Summit. Coincidence? I doubt it. I wouldn't be surprised if there were 'sleepers' waiting for news of which city won the bid to make their move today. Sick bastards.

If you will excuse me, I need to go email a few friends that live in the London area. To say I'm concerned would be an understatement.

The world is a frightening place my friends. Truly.

2005-07-07T15:53:00.000+03:00

2005-07-05T22:54:00.000+03:00

What day (week) is it again?

Well! I must say that my Amaretto stupor induced by my dear friend Bre was a doozy, apparently. Since I JUST realized that I never posted any answers to last week's Inquisition questions. Yup, definetly going to hell for that!

My most sincere apologies, since I'm sure you were all salivating into buckets waiting in anticipation for my answers! (Yeah, RIGHT!)

Let's cut to the chase, shall we?

Cheryl b asked me:

Aside from having Ari and not murdering Monster what is the thing you have done in your life that you are the most proud of?

That I have survived this situation I've gotten myself into (where, exactly to begin?)with my dignity and self respect pretty much intact, all things considered. Although I 'm pretty sure that I will at least be beatified for the letting Monster continue to walk the Earth, or I got a "Go Straight To Heaven for all the Hell in your Earthly endeavours" card.

I'm proud of the fact that I've survived this long after so much hardship. God knows it has NOT been easy. I've always believed in doing my very best and giving my all in everything I do. That way, in case things don't work out the way I hoped/planned/dreamed, I know that I did everything I could possibly do, and this applies to all aspects of my life. I hope that at the end of my life, whenever that may be, that I don't have many more regrets than I already do.

When I was so sick, back in 99, dying actually, and all of the hell I was going through, I had severe insomnia on top of everyting else, and I kept wondering why was he letting me live? What was his reasoning? I figured that he must mean for me to do something that I hadn't gotten around to yet.

Perhaps He just didn't want Arianna to be raised by the crazy old bat from such a young age as 4 or 5. I was terrified I wouldn't survive any of it at the same time, afraid, knowing there were problems and complications and risk each time they put me under anesthesia that I could never wake up and that Ari, my beautiful angel that I wanted so badly, that I went through so much to have with a relentless determination, I knew that if I died with her so young, that Monster would so completely spoil and ruin any good memories of me and poison her memory of me, if not erease me altogether. This thought kept me fighting and determined to overcome it all.

As is, it's bad enough the damage done with me around. *shudder, gag*

Mare asked me something that had me hunting back in the foggy recesses of my childhood.

Question, question...okay, since I just got done throwing my son his first real birthday party (he turned two, but he didn't have a party last year, oh and I'm exhausted by the way), what was your favorite childhood birthday party?

It's funny, whereas some things are so crystal clear, others I have to really concentrate on. I think its fascinating how our memory works. So mare, here's what I came up with.:

Probably when I turned 7. It was my first birthday in Los Angeles. I had a Wonder Woman cake, a bunch of girls from school over, and I got a portable record player and the soundtracks for Grease and Saturday Night Fever. (Quiet, wiseasses!) Oh, and a really cute basset hound stuffed animal. These are the things that stick out in my mind.

Man, but that cake was bad-ass.

Either this b-day or a couple of years later…. Farell's Ice Cream Parlour. (a very close call indeed) It was very old fashioned, like from the Victorian era, and they had massive sundaes. I chose the 'Pike's Peak' for my party. They were named after various mountains because, well, that's what they looked like. Mountains of icecream! They would put about 40 scoops of ice cream or so – I'm serious!- in what looked like an old silver washtub, with toppings, like hot fudge, pineapple sauce, caramel, strawberries, etc… whipped cream, nuts, sprinkles… etc! After we ate proper food, they brought this sucker out on a STRETCHER! Then we all attacked it like little heathens!

Afterwards we went to the local roller rink and ice skated for hours. That was fun too!

Oh, and happy belated birthday to your little man!

The remainder of my answers will follow in a while........ (that will keep y'all on your toes, now won't it?????) Now if you will excuse me, I need to go have a nice allergy-triggered sneezing fit. (Damn sandstorms all day have screwed with my allergies and sinuses. AAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Kisses,

Scarlett Cyn

2005-07-04T22:26:00.000+03:00

PROOF

Because I wasn't really sure that you'd believe me if I just wrote about it.

See, on a little trip to my local 7-11 type store nearby, I went to buy some soap and while browsing, I happened to look up and THIS (naturally!) caught my eye.

See? This is why there is such a thing as CAMERA PHONES, people!

And it says "For external use only".

Number one... WHY?

Number two..... Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?????

This is a hoot, is it not??

It's really just so that you don't have that "not so fresh" feeling, but if so, then what the HELL with the name? Jeez.

Some pervert with a fantastic sense of humor, no doubt.

What do YOU all think?

2005-07-03T00:08:00.000+03:00

Good Lord Above!

Michael Jackson.

Is here.

Where I live.

I dare you to find where I live on ANY map without using your internet. Go on. I dare ya!

Have you heard that he had left the country about 3 days ago for some 'rest and relaxation'? The tiny-ass little island -smaller than Washington DC -I live on is presently hosting MICHAEL JACKSON as a guest ofone of the King's adult sons! They flew him- in with them- in on the private jet.

Of course, the private jet is a 747 last I heard and cost a few hundered milion bucks after fitting it out with God knows what.

And I swear, if I hear ANY MORE MJ songs, which are not played normally all that often, on the local radio station and the Brit DJ's begging (read WHINING. Krazy Kevin in particular was overdoing it this morning) over the air for an interview, and the local DJ's not much better, I just might scream loud enough for y'all to hear me back home in the US.

In case you're wondering "WHAT THE FUCK IS MJ DOING THERE?" well...

He isn't visiting with me, that's for damn sure.

See, MJ's big brother Jermaine (remember "Do What You Do (when you did what you did)" back in the early 80's? THAT Jermaine. Well, he converted to Islam ages back and practically lives here. Apparently he loves it. Well, it is charming here where I live. Definetly. (excecpt for the god-awful heat, but otherwise, ok.) He wears the full Arab kit - out (clothes) and blends right in. Loads of people have seen him hanging out in Starbucks in the mall having a coffee with friends. No paparazzi, nothin.Once in a blue moon you see in the paper that Jermaine was here at all.

I'll bet you MJ would kill for that kind of life. Although,poor thing, you can't exactly compare the two brother's careers. It would be like comparing LaToya and Janet. Apples. Oranges. But still and all.

I seriously never, ever would have thought that of all the places in the world MJ would go to after that trial would be here. Amazing. Seems he's been friends with this ADULT son of the King for many years.

Well, that's nice. I hope MJ gets the rest and relaxation he obviously needs here. Heaven knows he'll never find anywhere as perfect as here to hide out and be on the down -lo. Who knows? Maybe he'll find some inspiration in the region and make a new album, with a whole Arabic music flavor and have a huge hit. I'd honestly like to see his kids have something in the end, not see it all squandered away.

Today? Today I feel super sorry for Michael Jackson. Because I guarantee he is EXHAUSTED and jet-lagged out of his mind. The Jet lag to get here from Los Angeles is hell on earth.

Been there, done that Michael. BBLEAAAH.

Now for a quickie Movie review.

If you go see War of the Worlds? Don't forget to breathe. There were parts that had me..... gasping for breath and jumping in my seat.

Spielberg is a freaking genius. As if THAT is a newsflash. Tom was "eh" in the film, but considering the character, he did well, I think. The story line was a bit predictable after the first 30 min, and I admittedly wanted to smack Dakota Fanning once or 10 times,perhaps even 20 times, but other than that, generally a good movie (even tho I predicted the ending, as usual)

This movie MUST be seen in a cinema. Not on DVD for the first time. Even if you have a big screen TV and surround sound. I have these and I'm telling you... go to the cinema. Buy some over priced popcorn (don't get me started. I was brushing my teeth for 30 minutes) and raisinetts (buy two and eat one for me. I love those and can't get em here!) and an even more overpriced ticket and sit back and enjoy Spielberg's genius. Because really, no one does alien life forms quite like him!

Ta ta for now. Inquisition answers coming in a bit.

2005-07-01T22:59:00.000+03:00

Who Else But ME?

Who else, I ask you, could attend a farewell party where there were Secret Service agents to be found (who for obvious reasons shouldn't be found)?

Yes, yours truly!

Z and I went to a farewell dinner party at this GORGEOUS restaurant/contemporary art gallery set in a huge old... traditionally styled estate property in the heart of the city with huge courtyards. It was just like something out of an old movie like Ali Baba and the 40 thieves or Aladdin or something. Absolutely gorgeous. In the middle of one of them was one of the largest single centerpiece fountains I've ever seen. I could have stayed at this place forever. I could not help but wonder where the 'harem' or ladies quarters used to be!

But, as usual, I digress.

So, Z and I walk in, greet our darling hosts, and they direct us to the bar. Yaaay. (Pay attention Wenchie!) I sashay up to the bar, I notice everyone else is having wine, but I'm just not in the mood for wine... and then I spy rum! La la... I order some grog... erm, I mean a rum drink, and then I scan around to see if there is anyone I know.

Well, there isn't anyone, but I noticed a guy off in the corner near a window overlooking the other room where the guests are.... so he smiles at me,I smile in greeting (I always get a little nervous initially when I dont know anyone at a party.. then I make the rounds) and he smiles back, then gets a "Oh shit!" look on his face and ducks his head down.....

and that's when I realize I was making nice and friendly to the Secret Service agent assigned to watch over the Admiral of the 5th Fleet who was in attendance and who probably wasn't supposed to be making friendly with the other guests, I presume. I turned back to face Z and muttered "Shit, shit, secret service, shit!" to which he replied "huh??". I whispered very quietly making motions behind me with my eyes to indicate the guy at my back.

But I couldn't help thinking to myself... I'm at a party and there's Secret Service agents! Cool!

Ok, the party was crawling with Americans and boy was I loving it! I went around introducing myself, rum in hand, and, as it was 'open seating', picked a table with Z in tow, made friendly with the other people at the table, Z realized the lovely lady from South Carolina was a former client of his, and we had a nice time.

Dinner was served, made more acquaintences in the buffet line, mostly Navy personnell, and later, after a few more rum drinks when dessert was served and I had just placed a particulary luscious sliver of dark chocolate cake on my plate was I yanked over by an acquaintance of Z's ,Cleo, a lady from the US Base, to meet the Admiral. Literally dragged by the arm (she is a lovely funny lady and the Admirals secretary) by this petite 4' 11 lady with a 6'5 personality.

And honeys? He is the youngest Admiral I've ever seen. Early 40's would be my guess and such a lovely, funny gentleman. So, somehow, cake abandoned, the Admiral of the Largest fleet in the US Navy and I had a lovely chat with Cleo about oh so many things for a good 45 minutes. And all the time, I could feel the eyes of the S. S. boring into my back. Well, with him and the head of PR for the base, who, ladies? Was freaking GORGEOUS.

I mean, that was a yummy piece of man. Did I get a good pre-Independence Day gift of what? Maybe I didn't get fireworks, but I got SAILORS and senior officers with impeccable manners! If there is one thing I really love, it's great conversation. It was a nice bit of home, and it never fails to make me homesick. I was in my element and extremely comfortable. I come from a family of military men. My father and brother were both in the Navy. As was one of my maternal uncles, who was, at the time, the youngest EVER Lt. Cmdr in the US Navy. Others in my family were in the Air Force or Army. Dad tried to get me to join the Navy in fact. (If that isn't hilarious, I don't know what is! Me? In the navy? Uh, no.)

Before I knew it, the party wound down, and people began saying their goodbyes. The Admiral was bundled out from some alternate secret exit just like in the movies by his 'keepers'.

All in all, a very lovely evening that I hated to see end.

2005-06-29T00:31:00.000+03:00

Two Questions

Hi everyone!

Monster in Law is gone. Whooooooooooooooooooo hoooooooooooooooooo!!!I have a question or two for you....

1) WHERE'S MY DRINK?? I thought it was a party!

2) Has anyone got any more questions for me this week?

3) I saw the movie Monster In Law last night. Anyone curious as to my reaction? (ok, so asked 3. It IS MY blog, after all!)

Bre?? Pirate Wench? Cheryl?

Man I hate drinking alone!

Oh wait a tic! I'm not alone! Garfield, say hello to the nice people! Good BOY!

2005-06-28T14:15:00.000+03:00

I Just Wanted To Say

Daddy, I TOLD YOU SO! (how many times in my life have I ever been able to say that?)

Further proof that my reasoning as a child under the age of 8 was flawless and frighteningly accurate found on CNN.com today:

There were 12 shark attacks on Florida beaches in 2004, down sharply from 30 in 2003. Experts credit the busy hurricane season in 2004 for the lower numbers.

Hah! "Sharks don't come this close to shore", my ass!

2005-06-28T11:23:00.000+03:00

You know that you’re tired when…

As you may have probably guessed….I overslept this morning. Then, thanks to the Ministry of Works (whom I assume are responsible for the morass that are the Kingdom’s crap infrastructure) and the Ministry of Transportation (read: police) I was even later to work, along with half the country who encountered more than one closed or heavily under construction (read: torn up less than single lane-yes, it’s possible) road on a main artery into town from the ‘suburbs’. For those that would say it’s just ‘Growing Pains’ of a country that is ever increasing and growing, I say bullshit and it shows a complete lack of forethought.

But that is neither here, nor there… much like me in the car this morning! Back to the oversleeping part.

Because, well, advances in technology continue to amaze me. At the rate we’re going, I wouldn’t be surprised if there are robots and civilization much like in the movie I Robot within my lifetime.

Why, you may ask?

Because this morning I hit the snooze button on my mobile phone (cell) so many times that finally, I got a note pop up on the screen that said: “CHECK ALARM TIME”.

Heh. That’s funny. Wise-ass Nokia. I, even in my comatose-like sleep was amused by that message.

But you know what is even funnier?

I shut the damn thing OFF after that. I was having such a good, deep sleep… and SUCH wonderful dreams – no, I’m NOT gonna tell you!- that I just didn’t want to get out of bed.

Guess what woke me up, finally?

My husband? Nope.

Arianna? Nope.

Siony pounding on my door? Nuh-uh.

It was Angel. ONE of my cats. (Homeland Security, remember?) The one that usually wakes me up if Garfield doesn’t. But I guess she was as frustrated as the damn phone alarm was… she tried nudging my shoulder with her head. I pushed her away sleepily. She nudged my cheek with hers, (and she has the longest, thickest whiskers I’ve ever seen on any cat ever so you can imagine the tickling sensation!) She then tried meooowing loudly in my face as I vaguely recall. NOPE. Nada.

Next thing I know, she is standing with her front paws on my cheek, claws carefully in (I was sleeping curled up on my side), and pushing down with all her strength.

She is a goddamn huge animal, people! She is a supermodel of cats, big, long legged and strong and beautiful.

Did you catch that ‘strong’ part?

Needless to say, I’m awake now. She bitched at me, following me around the house as I got ready in a constant stream of chatter until I walked out the door.

Great. One of my damn cats is lecturing me. How do I know she was lecturing me? Because of the looks of pity on the faces of the other cats that could understand her, sitting there looking from her to me, that’s why!

Sheesh! Hope you guys had a better start to your day than I did!

2005-06-25T22:22:00.000+03:00

So Close....

And yet, so far! I am sadly excited that today I went to the local telephone bastar...erm phone company to sign up for wireless broadband internet!

Yaaaaayyyy!

Not that this was entirely without incident. Oh NOOOOO. My buddy H and I decided to go into debt... uhhhh.... I mean sign up for this wi-fi (oooh, I sound like I know what I'm talking about, and I so... DON'T!Ha haaaa!) (Ok, I know more now then I did this morning when I woke up. I'm a quick learner, what can I say?) broadband/get a laptop too dealie bob that the bastar... phone company MONOPOLY have on offer.

You pick and choose whichever laptop of 5 major brands your little heart desires and then, they let you pay for it as part of your inet bill till it's paid off. Yes I did my due dilligence (as if I wouldn't ! PLEASE!!!! Give me a LITTLE credit! Jeez!)! It is actually a good deal. Better than having to shell out up front and you (read: ME! I GET! I GET!) a nifty kick ass laptop, and not some toy looking one either! But a bad ass one with lots of STUFF and goodies and- aw HELL YEAH! - surround sound speakers built in! *shakes butt, Shakira style* ( cause you know I can and DO!) And my laptop is so PURTY TOO!!!

Only I don't have it in my clutches... yet.

H and I went to one of the distributors she knows of who is participating in this scheme. They had tons of laptops and so we made like little girls in Toys R Us! Giggling and tapping and playing with each and every one, verbally dissecting whatever dork designed some of them making them look like something you buy for a child in Toys R Us. We both drooled over the RED Ferrari Accer laptop, and she's saying to me "I think Scarlett should SO have this! Scarlett. Red laptop. Scarlett. Haaaaaaa." While looking at each other, then to the laptop wistfully, back. forth. back. stroking the damn thing... petting it nicely... playing with the keys...then I looked at the price and we both backed the hell up likity-spllit.

No babies, Scarlett is not going to have the pretty, pretty Ferrari Red laptop. (It was designed for the Ferrari F1 team) Somebody pass me a tissue. It was like freshly lacqured red nails. It ws the same color as the Maranello I was drooling over on the road the other day and I don't even drive stick shift, officially. *sigh* Lets be realistic here.

Ok, I was NOT being cheap. It just wasn't part of the 'package dealie bob" thinkg from the tel company is all!

In the end, H and I decide to go for the same one and do a few extras while we are at it. I love her to pieces, this woman. I'm so glad I've stolen her away from the evil bastards we both worked for and she will be working with me again in my current job in a few weeks. Yaaay! but I digress.

Because then, once we decided, we had to go to the phone co office down the street and apply for the special offer thingie. And that is where our fun began.

Nobody knew diddly squat. We stood in line, got out, then went to butt in line and got help, if you want to call it that. Turns out the guy we were dealing with was SO DAMN CLUELESS. He ended up making some lame ass excuse and sending us to another branch... in a mall on the other side of town. I thought "Cool, cause Z's cousin works there, she is very sweet and helpful. Maybe she can help us.".

Excecpt she'd already gone home for the day. GREAT! Then? H and I managed to find an absolute tortoise to help us do everything. Touche the Turtle took, I swear to you, a minimum of 20 minutes to imput 5 lines of information,(ie: address for installation, name, user Id name, and what type of inet service. which laptop make I wanted. Yes, that's it.) get a printout, and hand it to me. Another 15 min for H's application. He moved so damn slow, and looked, well, asleep, and we were SO THIRSTY DAMMIT and the lights were cooking our brains they were so hot and we were both exhausted and dizzy by the time he finished with us.

At the end of it all... H said "Maybe their computer system is just old and slow" to which I replied "if THEIR computer system is slow, what the hell are WE GONNA GET? We're screwed."

Now we are just waiting for the approval message to go pick up our shiny silver and black new laptops.

I hope it's faster than Touche was! Jeez.

PS:

a) Monster's flight is confirmed for Monday, ie: day after tomorrow. Party is at my blog on Tuesday if you're interested! Please RSVP if you are WoooohooOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooo (Cat, thank you for your prayers. Since you're on a roll with the big guy upstairs, wanna buy a lotto ticket and we split it 60/40? (me 40) ) Just a suggestion.

b) I.... shit. I forgot what I was gonna say...... oh yeah! Questions for this week's Inquisiton please darlings.

c) I'm in the market for a digital camera. I don't suppose anyone is going to give any suggestions or props for a good one that you might have and just love to pieces. I want minimum 5.1 megapixels and must have digital zoom of 3 or 4. Preferably one of these Cram It In The Purse sizes, not the big clunky ones. Thanks in advance.

That is all.

2005-06-25T01:26:00.000+03:00

Dude Looks Like A Lady!

The little while back I was IM'ing with a friend and she said something to me that took me by surprise.

I saw her online and so I IM'ed her to see how she was feeling and how the recovery was. You see, my friend Sheena used to be my friend Robie. Yeah, as in used to be a man. Sheena and Nikki (my New SIL, former BIL) are very good friends and it seems that although Sheena was taking the meds and in transition to become a woman for much longer Nikki was, and it appears that Nikki's gender reassignment surgery was just the kick in the ass that Sheena needed, so to speak because a couple of months she did the first part of it, and when we talked, she was still high on morphiene from the second "beautificaiton" part of it. (Nikki did it all one shot! And she told me the breast implants she had done at the same time was MORE PAINFUL than the whole 'make a kitty' surgery! Of course, that also could have been her residual morphiene talking.. I must ask again!)

So..... Sheena said "I'm doing ok. It's painful, but I'm glad it's all finally done now! Cyn I only wish I could have: your skin, your hairline, and your ovaries."

Well slap me with a silly stick! My first response was "Thanks for the compliment. My ovaries aren't good for anything, why the hell would you want em?" Poor Sheena didn't know about my infertility problems - I thought Nikki had told her ages ago- so it was a totally innocent comment. She simply said after I explained that 'just look at your gorgeous daughter! I'd love to get my hands on some of your dna, is all honey!".

Aw, that was sweet. Sheena is pretty damn gorgeous herself. When she was living in NYC before she went home to Sweden to do her surgery, modeling scouts used to approach her on the street (from BIG AGENCIES, TOO!) to some in. About 6 feet tall, long viking golden blond hair and big blue eyes, killer bone structure. Absolutely gorgeous. I haven't seen her after all the hormones and now that the surgery is done, but she must be even more beautiful now with all that estrogen softening up the hard edges.

As a side note to all the ladies out there: But you know what I 've noticed? That both Sheena and Nikki have hormonal mood swings just like PMS. Isn't that fascinating?

There is a huge difference between Nikki's situation and Sheena's. While Sheena's family welcomed her with open arms and have gotten past her life-changing decision, I can truthfully say that Nikki's haven't.

It is as if, to the majority of them, that she is dead. In the seven months since I told them, one SIL refused to accept it, (well, both did actually and the third one was just floored because she didn't even know that he had been living as a gay man for years in the first place!) But the eldest SIL, she said for no one to ever mention HIM to her again, that as far as she is concerned HE is dead. I replied, "well, HE is dead, but SHE lives." Whatever. No. They are all, and I quote "humilated and embarassed" about 'his' "selfish choice and didn't he think?? WHat will people say?" I was , frankly, appalled by their reactions. What will people say? Who gives a shit? Nothing if you don't tell them! DOH! The one in the US says that she is too ashamed and embarassed and will not tell her husband (who is the biggest pervert you never would want to meet) nor her 30-something kids.

Give me a damn break.

It is odd though, Nikki is the baby of the family and whereas previously, 'his' name was constantly mentioned at least once whenever we were all together, now? Nothin. Zero. Zip. Zilch. No one mentions him now, and when friends or people here ask how "he is" I sit silent and watch Z and his mother trip over each other to lie about where 'he' is and what 'he' is doing because in this society, it's not actually something you can talk about, so they maintain that Nikki is still a 'he'.

Sigh. At least there are a few that have hung in there.

There is the gay older brother, who is the most EVIL Queen I have ever met in my life. Friends, that appple did not fall far from the tree, let me tell you! He is over the moon about the whole thing, which also strikes me as false because he has loathed and despised Nikki her whole life. Then there is monster, who can't stop calling her by her male name, and boy is she gonna be in trouble when she's with Nikki in Iran and she calls her by the old male name!! Gah!!

Then there is Z. I guess he has accepted it, he had to. He and Nikki were always inseperable. Z is 3 years older than Nikki, and they grew up thick as thieves. But I can tell it makes him awkward. But I can tell you that Nikki is his favorite sister! So that is something. Ari and I remain.

Ari and I are of the same mindset, which makes me very happy. Nikki is the same person on the inside, just the outside is a bit different. Ari agrees with this. As Arianna says: "I don't get it, the how part of it, but I understand that for 'her' it makes sense. I've always told him he was girly! Whatever makes her happy is ok by me! I still love her."

She asks to IM with Auntie Nikki whenever she gets a chance! Arianna and Nikki have always been close since she was only a few weeks old and I'm glad they are continuing that way.

The same goes for me and my Mama. Nikki is the same exact person on the inside... only the packaging is different.

And that is pretty much what it boils down to: It's what's on the inside of a person that counts. Do what you can and be happy. No one is promised tomorrow.

So Nikki and Sheena, this one's for you! I love ya girlies from the bottom of my heart!

2005-06-24T00:28:00.000+03:00

Better Late Than Never!

Terribly sorry for the delay in answers, everyone!

This week I asked my own question about what I apparently have in common with Sa*dam Huss*in.

Ollie was almost spot on about the Sad*am H question: I have a deep love of Cheetos- and I'm bad I guess, cause my child and fuzzball cats are all equally addicted to them. Turns out he got grumpy when he didn't get any Cheetos…. His guards didn't know what to do. So they substituted Doritos… no more grumpy dictator!! Apparently he can finish off a family size bag in 10 min flat. Impressive. I won't claim such a feat, definitely!

Now then, let's cut to the chase, shall we?

This week, Mare Imbrium asked me:

Somebody gives you a gold card and tells you to have fun. Where do you go and what do you buy?

EVERYWHERE! I'd go all over the world shopping! Italy, Spain, Hong Kong (I love my electronics!), London, New York, shall I continue? I think you get the drift. Anywhere I can. I guess the easy call for me would be shoes, bags, and jewellery. Since you ruled out the car and house *pouts* (haha) I would also buy things for others too, because I really like giving gifts. Also perhaps some furniture, but I have to be in the mood for that, really.

Cheryl b, my sweet, reliably naughty friend came at me with:

Speaking of......your question is: Have you ever faked an orgasm? Remember, you promised to answer ALL questions truthfully.

I wish I could answer that question with an explanation like Mare's, but I have to just bite the bullet and sadly say that Carrie Jo honey, you DID answer it for me. "BTW, I could answer Cyn's question for you, Cheryl: What woman who has ever been sexually active HASN'T? ;o) -Carrie Jo "

Not that I make a habit of it or anything… and I honestly did it more, the few times I have done it,, when I was younger. (Hah! Me sitting here at the ripe old age of 33!!)

Bre asked me on a more serious note:

uhm, with all the shit you put up with, have you ever thought of seriously taking Ari and leaving Z?

I'd be lying if I said I haven't. Every now and then, for years, yes I have considered it. Even before I moved here 7 years ago. But so far I haven't obviously done anything about it.

I must admit that being a child of divorce I always swore to myself I would do everything I could to avoid subjecting my own children (child) to that. To that end, I have seriously worked my tail off at this marriage. I can honestly say that, completely at peace, finally having realized it for myself that it is a two-way street, and it takes both people to make any relationship work, not just marriage. More than anything, I am glad that at least, the fundamental friendship that Z and I had from the beginning is there still. When HE wants to, we can laugh and joke and enjoy a song, and that is nice.

That isn't to say I don't understand why my parents divorced. I really honestly do, and I never blamed myself, or either one of them (although, if we are pointing fingers, Dad didn't help things any!), it just made me sad, period.

That being said, I believe that everyone has a limit that they must reach that enables them to make that final step, and I just guess mine has not been reached quite yet. That's what happened with Mama and Daddy. Mama put up with a lot too. I guess I am like her in that respect as well, the internal strength, and that makes me very glad to have learned/inherited that from her.

Wow! This week's answers have ended on a rather serious note, have they not?!

Thank you for your questions ladies. Most appreciated!

2005-06-23T00:50:00.000+03:00

Light a Candle...

Guess who is going away for a few weeks?

Monster! She's going to Iran!! Whoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooot!!!! Well, she's going to sell her house, because her relatives there are just as whacked as she is and waited until my New SIL (the one that used to be my BIL) was at work, went past the doorman with a locksmith friend, and broke into it and stole whatever cash and stuff they could find.

Yes, kind of scary, that, isn't it?

But hey! It's all good, right? Even if it's only for a few weeks, and not the 3 months its supposed to be... I have to look on the bright side, right?

One teensy problem, friends: There is one flight a week to Tehran, and it is on Monday... and the one for the coming Monday? Is. FULL, She is on waitlist. SO, please light a candle and say a prayer that come Monday, I can sing "And she's leavin... on a jet plane... I don't know when she'll be back again!... blah blahllllllllaaaaaaaaaaaaa *hums rest of song*

2005-06-21T08:42:00.000+03:00

Giggle, Snort,*MOAN* Snicker, GUFFAW!!!!!!

While cruising about the net this morning, something caught my attention (you will SO understand in a minute... keep reading!) I had yet another instance of "I'VE GOTTA BLOG THIS!!!!". I realize I normally just link to an article, but this was too good not to post in it's entirety.

The comments in blue are, obviously, my comments) Check it out:

COPENHAGEN, Denmark - New research indicates parts of the brain that govern fear and anxiety are switched off when a woman is having an orgasm but remain active if she is faking. (well DUUUUUHHHHH)

In the first study to map brain function during orgasm, scientists from the Netherlands also found that as a woman climaxes, an area of the brain governing emotional control is largely deactivated. (Hmm, now that is truly interesting.)

"The fact that there is no deactivation in faked orgasms means a basic part of a real orgasm is letting go. (And you needed to do a study for this? Isn't it just common sense? I mean REALLY!! I could have told all of this to them and pocketed the research money AND saved them a lot of time and effort!!) Women can imitate orgasm quite well, as we know, but there is nothing really happening in the brain," said neuroscientist Gert Holstege, presenting his findings Monday to the annual meeting of the European Society of Human Reproduction and Embryology. (Well, nothing happening but the intense concentration of the woman woman making DAMN sure her partner doesn't KNOW she's faking it!)

In the study, Holstege and his colleagues at Groningen University recruited 11 men, 13 women and their partners. (Ah, a man did this study. Wouldn't you like 10 minutes alone with his wife for a little chat? I bet she fakes it and he's wondering!) I'm sure the women neuroscientists there were sniggering behind his back, don't you?

The volunteers were injected with a dye that shows changes in brain function on a scan. For men, the scanner tracked activity at rest, during erection, during manual stimulation by their partner and during ejaculation brought on by the partner's hand. (Am I mistaken, or aren't the last two techniques the same thing? What about Oral? Man, I'm naughty!!)

For women, the scanner measured brain activity at rest, while they faked an orgasm, while their partners stimulated their clitoris and while they experienced orgasm. (Where do I sign up?)

Holstege said he had trouble getting reliable results from the study on men because the scanner needs activities lasting at least two minutes and the men's climaxes didn't last that long. (Awwww, poor things!) However, the scans did show activation of reward centers in the brain for men, but not for women. (No shit Sherlock!)

Holstege said his results on women were more clear.

When women faked orgasm, the cortex, the part of the brain governing conscious action, lit up. It was not activated during a genuine orgasm. Even the body movements made during a real orgasm were unconscious, Holstege said.

The most striking results were seen in the parts of the brain that shut down, or deactivated. Deactivation was visible in the amygdala, a part of the brain thought to be involved in the neurobiology of fear and anxiety.

"During orgasm, there was strong, enormous deactivation in the brain. During fake orgasm, there was no deactivation of the brain at all. None," Holstege said.

Shutting down the brain during orgasm may ensure that obstacles such as fear and stress did not get in the way, Holstege proposed. "Deactivation of these very important parts of the brain might be the most important necessity for having an orgasm," he said. (Really? You don't say? Might be? Again... DUHHHHH!!)

Donald Pfaff, professor of neurobiology and behavior at Rockefeller University in New York, said the interpretations were reasonable. "It makes poetic sense," said Pfaff, who was not connected with the research. By EMMA ROSS, AP Medical Writer

I still say they are schmucks since pulling any woman off the street and asking her would have had the same basic result (without the nifty pictures and stuff, but still!) I basically boils down to this:

As womankind has known since the begining of time, a Genuine Orgasm is best!(how I would love to trademark that phrase!)

Author's Note: (Quiet Peanut Gallery! You know what I mean!) Basically experiencing the real thing vs. a "When Harry Met Sally" incident.

Women don't choose to NOT have an orgasm, it's something that either happens or doesn't largely based on the willingness of their partner to ensure that they are relaxed and comfortable enough to 'let go' to have a real one. But in faking it, they make a concious decision (obviously) to make their partner happy, since they get nothing from faking it at all. It's all a matter of stroking the male ego while ours is left at their mercy.

2005-06-20T19:01:00.000+03:00

Drat, and Double Drat!

I almost forgot to beg... erm grovel.... uh, nag-ahem!- request/remind you all to get a question in for this week's Inquisition. So do it already, willya?

Shall I give you a deadline and make you completely jittery and anxious about getting your question in on time? Ok. 12 noon on Wednesday, Pacific Time is your deadline. Answers to follow soon thereafter!

In the meantime, I'll ask you this: What do I (apparently) have in common with Sadd*m Huss*in? (I bet THAT woke y'all up, now didn't it?) I'll give you a hint... it's not day of birth! (crappy hint, huh?)

2005-06-20T13:59:00.000+03:00

Hide and Go Seek!!!

I have a problem. Things like this really bother me. Yes, reading things like "CIA chief has 'excellent idea' where bin Laden is" as a news headline irritate the shit out of me.

Now while I am not the most violent and bloodthirsty of wenches you may ever encounter, this whole "the US respects Sovreign Nations" bullshit and applying it to the whole situation regarding O*ama Bin La*in, rubs me the wrong way.

There are plenty of ways that this tall, evil, and unfortunately intelligent problem could be, ahem, taken care of, no matter where he is hiding. I mean jeez, isn't that one of the proper uses of US Special Forces and MI5? All those legions of James Bond type guys and they aren't being used for such a good cause? How depressing. Some people need to be obliterated from planet Earth, and he is one of them. Definetly.

But I'm slightly confused, because one minute we hear from "intelligence officials" that: "We don't know where he is" then the next "We think we know where he is", and then two breaths later "We have an excellent idea where he is" then we back to the "We don't have a friggin clue". I'm sure that O*ama the psychopath is sitting in his hidey hole somewhere laughing his freaky ass off at the whole hide and seek game he is playing, and apparently winning.

As Mama always said "there is a time and place for everything" and honestly, it is way past time to get this lunatic, particularly when it seems that the people that should know WHERE he is already do!

Ok, I'm through ranting now.

2005-06-19T22:55:00.000+03:00

I Was Sort Of Wondering.....

I have a little question for any of you out there (and if you have PCOS, even better! You know what I mean!! That it would be for the same reason!) that might have taken Glucophage, aka Metformin:

When kicking in with a newly prescribed 'high' dose, (ie: I was taking it previously, but NOT LIKE THIS! Stopped it, and have now begun taking it all over again) have any of you ever felt so sick and near to vomiting that all you could do was take very shallow breaths to keep from hurling? I can usually handle nausea, but this is particulary bad. Doc has put me on two tabs in the am and two in the pm and damn me if it hasn't brought me low yesterday and today! I'm kind of hoping this feeling will pass sooner than later. As is, as I type, it's all I can do to just sit here and not make for the porcelain throne.

Help a sistah out, willya?

PS: In vengance for Z being a weak schmuck, I did what any caring wife would do...... I snitched to his Diabetes specialist that he has been cheating on his diet (when I'm not around) and eating all sorts of things he shouldn't,(other than sugar and sweets, I mean), like very oily fatty foods, particulary prepared by Monster, whose motto has always been "the more oil the better", and he's not checking his blood for days unless I nag him into doing it, etc.. ie: he has become complacent since it is 'under control' and since he views me as a nagging shrew and refuses to understand that I have only his best long term intrest at heart, I had to whip out the big guns.

Whew! That was a derious run on sentence, wasn't it? Anyway, Doc said thank you for informing him of all this, and he looked quite ready to nail him to the wall. I told Doc that I've repeatedly told him when he tries to come back with the argument "see? I will check my blood after eating such and such a food... my sugar level is ok" to which I reply, I'm 'nagging' not because of your sugar level, but because Type 2 diabetes doesn't disappear one day, and these things you eat affect your whole body! Heart, liver, kidneys, etc... everything! But he doesn't listen. So I snitched.

Heh. Didn't I tell y'all that on my shitlist is not somewhere you want to be?

2005-06-19T17:54:00.000+03:00

Further Proof

I had earlier briefly considered also posting another Monster vs. my cats incident, thought better of it, and now, based on a few of the comments I recieved on the last one about Little Man, I've decided to go ahead and post it after all although, I truly believe that what she did the other day was one of the most evil things she has done yet.

When I was living in the US , I came to Bahrain on vacation right before I moved, when Z was recruited to work over here . That was when she and her evil then 51 year-old son that was freeloading off of us for two years called the Humane Society to come and take away my cats.. all 12 of them.

I had arranged for a friend from work, Veronica, to look after them every day that I would be gone for me (monster didn't even have to sneeze on them). Poor Veronica freaked the hell out when she came over to feed, water and clean up after them after work one day after I had been gone 4-5 days and discovered the cats GONE. V later told me that when she arrived at my apartment, Monster was happily cleaning up- going through my personal things, and throwing all the cat things out (meds, shampoos, food,toys, food dishes, brushes and grooming tools, everything you can think of- and it was a LOT of stuff!) and told her "ALL GONE! Heh heh" with a big toothy grin. She said "cat police take". Poor Veronica was freaking the hell out cause they were her responsiblity in my absence. She was begging monster to give her whatever paperwork they had left so she could go and get them out and keep them at her place! but monster said "no paper give. no no.". smiling all the while.

Then I get a call here ON VACATION- 4 days in- from monster saying the "cat police come and take them ALL". I was 10,000 miles away on the other side of the planet unable to do anything. I felt like I was in the worst kind of hell. She kept saying there was no paperwork left, which I felt sure was a big lie. (Veronica later told me she had been begging her for the paperwork for days and days and that she kept saying "No no. No police paper."

I kept wondering who called the Humane Society to come take them, even with my sneaking suspicion, I kept quiet till I got home, sure that they had all been put to sleep and heavily depressed. As soon as we got home -and very late at night - she handed the paperwork to Z saying "I don know, I don know". Y'all know which paper work, the paperwork from the "Cat police" that she said she never recieved!

The next day I called H.S. to see what had happened to my pets. Thank GOD they were a) still alive and had not been euthanized, and b) not been given away either. I begged them to tell me who had called them, but as per the rules, they wouldn't say anything, and thankfully, I explained to them that I had been away on vacation when someone did this and they let me BUY MY PETS BACK at about $75-80 bucks each.Yeah, you do the math. I will never forget the dejected looks on their sad little faces when I walked into the kitty jail before they saw me. I started calling them and they all jumped up and ran to the bars,sticking paws out and meowing like anything. I was SO angry, but relieved that they were all alive.

At the time, in my apartment complex, I a had a vet for a neighbor who took care of the racehorses at the racetrack nearby. When I came back, she took me aside and told me "did you get your cats back?" and I told her yes. She told me that she was there when the officers came and took them and when she identified herself as a Vet and asked what happened, one of the officers said "we were told the owners called and said they didn't want them anymore". She then went on to tell me that encountering my BIL in the laundry room, she asked him and managed to weasel out of him that he is the one that called for them to be taken away, that evil Queen.
I threw a complete hissyfit which was, as usual, no use, since Z refused to believe it.

I can tell you honestly that she is one of the most horrible people I have ever met, and it frightens the hell out of me that my husband came out of someone like that. It really does. He has some of her tendancies, but recieved most of his genetics from his father, thankfully. The "monster tendencies" that he did inherit, I didn't see when we were dating and engaged, mostly because he kept it very well hidden.

Sigh.

2005-06-19T08:41:00.000+03:00

Happy Daddy's Day!

*Cues 'Daddy Cool' by Boney M*

To all of you Daddies out there, I'd like to wish you a very Happy Father's Day! Regardless of whatever your kids may address you as, be it Father, Dad, Daddy, Da, DaDa Papa, Pa, Pere, Pop,اقاجان,Baba, Abu,爸, cha, татко ,‏بابا , I wish you all a relaxed, happy day and may your deepest dearest wishes come true!

Kick back, watch a ball game, play a round of golf, or don't do much of anything if you are so inclined, have a great meal and enjoy yourselves! You deserve it! I think we can all agree that without all of you, none of us would be here!

Have a great day, Daddies of the world!

2005-06-18T22:23:00.000+03:00

Heartless Murd*ring Bitch From Hell.

Uh huh. I just bet that has y'all wondering, now doesn't it? Some of you might even be thinking to yourself, "I wonder what the hell Monster has done now?".

Crazy old bitch. She just HAD to take a bad situation and make it worse. I'm SOOOOOO fed up.

You will please recall that I have a gizillion pedigree Persian cats. Ok, perhaps gizillion is exaggerating. But it definetely takes two hands to count em, and maybe a toe or two. Today, that number is down by ONE.

Last week I told y'all about Gypsy, she is my little angel kitten who is about 2 months old or so, give or take a week. Gypsy is one of a litter of two born to Isis in her golden years. (That Max is one horny devil, isn't he? He's getting everyone knocked up. You will also recall the 'discussion' (read- ongoing argument) between Z and I to take Max for the snippy of his nutsack, no? Yes!)

Anyhooo, I kind of purposly didn't mention Gypsy's litter mate, her brother, because there was something wrong with him that didn't allow him to grow and develop properly. He was sweet as pie, if a bit 'thick' if you get my drift and looked just like a 90-something year old man. This morning he had what appeared to be a massive stroke (remember Fred from last year? Same thing. I think its because Isis is too old to be getting knocked up- in cat years) and was basically dying for the early part of today. Now you all know that I'm too much of a softie to put him out of his misery by speeding him along personally to cat Heaven, but I am big on letting them go knowing they are loved and as comfortable as possible. Gypsy has always been particulary OVERPROTECTIVE of the little guy, and you could totally see the sadness in her eyes today as she hovered near him. She would go over and give him kisses and then walk away and look at him, standing guard. So I made sure he was in an air conditioned room (since it is about 110-ish plus humidity today) and told Shony to leave it on so he doesn't suffer unessarily. A while later is when IT struck.

I had a 'date' (read: appointment) with my ENT for him to shove all manner of things up my nose, in my ears, and down my throat because I just can't handle the raging sinus infection one day longer, so I left the house for my appointment, again reiterating to Shony to leave little man right where he is and she said "no problem. I'm gonna go take a shower now while you're gone." I go to the doc, much squirming (me) ensues, and shaking of head and tut-tutting (Doc), meds are prescribed, and I'm on my way to pick up Z to come home for lunch. I get home and I notice that Little Man is MIA. This made me sad, and I figured that he passed while I was out at the doctor and playing chauffeur for Z and Shony, um, took care of things so as not to traumatize Arianna.

Wrong. SO GODDAMN WRONG.

Later, when Ari was not around and after I again drove 30 min into town to drop Z off and returned home did I ask Shony for the low-down.

And then I got PISSSSSED OFF.

Turns out the old murdering BITCH FROM HELL, as soon as I was gone to the Doc and Shony in her room goes and...........

Yeah, you guessed it. Dumped Little Man outside in the FUCKING 110+ degree heat, MIDDAY, to finish dying. Do you have any idea how intense the sun is here?

Now I admit that little man already had one paw in the grave, so to speak, but what she did was absolutely horrifying.

By the time Shony FOUND HIM, it was too late, but when she started to describe his condition at the end, I started gagging and made her stop because it was really obvious that he suffered. I am SO PISSED. Turns out Shony already went ballistic on the old witch. Too bad I missed that.

So of course, I tell you-know-who about it, because if I let loose without his having the lowdown, well, it could get ugly, and plus, well, I might have made a lunge for her, and with no one to pull me off, I probably wouldn't have stopped till I was tired. So I tell him "She is a horrible creature. How in the hell could she do this to that poor little cat??" He started making excuses and I said "NO EXCUSES! She never does anything for or to the cats except to abuse them, but this is SICK SHIT! Remember how she admitted to us that not long after she and your father married she tossed his kitten off the roof? three stories? and puddytat went splat? She is an evil animal killer! Tell her she killed Little Man! Let her know that's on her head too, along with all the other stuff she's done!" Z tried to put me off. I have been saying ever since "Did you tell her she's a murderer yet?"

Nope. Of course he hasn't. Wimpy mama's boy. He said "why should I?" I told him he'd better say something, because if I get started it could get beyond ugly, and then I will say something to her face I really shouldn't. Something like, oh, I don't know... something like this: "The way Little Man died, all alone, suffereing and dumped in the heat, gasping for breath, alone, you might consider that the same could happen to you!" And it could totally happen too, that I say something like that, because my daughter found out what happened to Little Man and boy is she pissed.

Look y'all, I am a really kind and loving person, but if you piss me off, and pull cruel shit like this? Well, lets just say, on my shitlist is not somewhere you wanna be, okay? Guess who's on top of that list?

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.*talons OUT*

Now Gypsy is stuck to me like white on rice meowing plaintively. Ugh. Poor sister kitty.

2005-06-17T18:41:00.000+03:00

Cold Hard Truth

I've been thinkin.... I realize I'm being moody lately, and it's not just the fact that my boss has decided to bring a secretary into the department that will report to me that so far? Just based on what I've seen of her since her interview (snuck in under my radar) and a brief interaction or three when she came to sign a contract, she seems to have an attitude problem (and HR thinks this too, but the whole decision went over our heads) and that she will be paid a LOT more than my current salary before OT even though a) she will be reporting to me, b) I'm Executive Secretary (she, a lower grade to CEO only.) to not only the CEO, but to the Board of Directors AND Executive Office Manager. And she will be getting MORE THAN ME? That is just WAAAAAAAAAAAY fucked.

No, it's not just the whole injustice of that situation. Beyond that whole fucked up situation at work, you know what I think my problem is, among other things? I need to get laid, bigtime.

I seriously need not only to get laid, but to have a mind blowing orgasm or three. Or 5. It would be really nice to just lay back, relax and let go and be pleasured senseless, dazed, and left out of breath vaguely wondering where my asthma inhaler is.

Likliehood of that happening? Not bloody likely! I don't even remeber that last time something like THAT happened.

No wonder I'm moody, dammit! *cusses fluently in three langueages*

I mean jeez, there is only so much one can do for oneself, ya know?

2005-06-17T00:55:00.000+03:00

Pure GENUIS!

I have a friend, y'all. Her 'name' is Ollie and you might have noticed her commenting on my blog every now and then. She is one of my fellow infertile buddies who has not lost her sense of humor regardless of what has been thrown her way in her great baby quest. We're pals from a fellow blogger's comment section for what seems like ages now! Not only is she extremely talented and sweet, and super intelligent, but she is, well.....

She's all that and a Costco Size bag of Dorritos/Cheetos! That is some serious goodness right there!

She posted more of her usual GENUIS today, something that struck a chord with me and made me want to run over here and post about it too! There's just one teensy problem.

I couldn't have said it better myself, so hows about you just run over and have a gander yourselves?

You go girl! I'm with ya!

2005-06-16T00:07:00.000+03:00

Spilling My Guts

Hey y'all!

I thought I'd merge last week and this week's Inquisition into, well, this week's Inquisition Confession since I was so, erm, tardy in answering. *ahem!*

One or two of you actually threw me for a loop "this week" and made me – GASP!! – think!! Imagine that!?? Well, let's cut to the chase, shall we my darlings?

Bre asked me:

If you had to pick one book and one book only, to read for the rest of your life (say all other books mysteriously vanish) which one would it be and why? I already know, btw that it is some type of romance novel....lol

Bre hon, you've killed me! I have been dragging my tail around trying to figure out what book to tell you. I really have!

That, my dear, was the question from hell for a person that loves reading and is really a voracious reader. Add to the fact that while I may have a generally iffy memory for some things, I am a very 'visual' person and as such, when I read a book, I am immersed in it, in my head it is like watching a movie, if that makes any kind of sense to you.

All the books in the world vanishing but for one? Sounds like the work of Lord Voldemort to me! (Harry Potter fans will be nodding, the rest of you, stop with the blank looks and Google it already!)

Let me see. Some of you will probably be all disappointed in me if I don't say "The Bible", I am sure. And if all the books disappear, I suppose my holding on to a holy book would be a good thing for mankind, now wouldn't it?

But I'm not one to impose religion-any religion, nor am I one to be judgmental between the different religions. In fact, since the three MAIN religions (Christianity, Judaism, and Islam) worship the same entity, yet call Him by a different name; it's all good in my book. God is God and as the Muslims say "God is Great", period!

So, no Bible.

Maybe a huge ass medical reference book, if I want to do some good for mankind?

But that's kind of boring. Hmmm, something like History of the World perhaps from beginning to present. Boy, would that be a big book! I love me some history!

If you are insistent about a romance novel, then, anything by Kat Martin, Catherine Coulter, Jane Feather, Julie Garwood, or Amanda Scott.

Shylah, better late than never, said:

I'm slow and late and all that crap, but I wanna ask anyway. And I know you'll answer cause you love me. What's the funniest thing Ari's ever said?

You're right sweetie, I love ya to bits!!! You asked me a toughie because some pretty funny stuff comes flying out of her mouth. Constantly.

I can't even think, because my mind is occupied with the doozy I heard my boss say yesterday in a speech in front of the whole company! Bless his heart, I know it was meant in the best possible way, but... jeez! It went a little something like this!

He was speaking about people being human and making mistakes, and how that is acceptable, and that everybody screws up,but what he ended up saying was:

"You know, it's ok, because we are all human, and we all screw sometimes. You know! We all SCREW.. heh heh heh.... it's human nature!"

I shit you not, y'all. He really said that! Loud and serious, in front of the WHOLE ORGANIZATION! Now THAT'S what I call a realistic pep talk!

I was digging my nails into my palm and sniggering with my girlfriend at work as quietly as possible. Unfortunately it didn't work and I'm still laughing my ass off everytime I think about it, and that's pretty often!

Cheryl B. :

What is the nicest thing you have done for someone that didn't know it was you who did it?

Just at work I do that kind of thing about 90% of my day! I usually do things for people, fix things or protect them without them knowing so that my boss doesn't get pissed at them. Anyone that knows me, could tell you I tend to do nice things for people in general and I'm not usually one to brag about what I've done, so if you find out, it most likely wouldn't be from me! It's been said that I'm TOO NICE, in fact.

They're probably right. It always turns around to bite me in the ass. But I am who I am.

Well, thank you all for being so patient with me. I hope you enjoyed reading the answers to your questions. If you don't hear from me before the weekend, have a great one!

Love,

Scarlett Cyn

2005-06-14T13:47:00.000+03:00

Dude,Where’s My Dictionary?

Asshole.

I think I have the perfect definition of ‘asshole’, but I really think I need to do a cross check before I say anything.

Hmmmm… let me see now…. *flips through pages*

No, I think MY definition is infinitely better, and I will offer proof to go along with my ‘argument’, because frankly, I think that when you pick up a dictionary, my husband’s picture should be next to the word “asshole”, and this is why (Jeff Foxworthy style):

You might be an asshole if:

You pound-not nudge- your wife repeatedly on the shoulder-and not all too gently either- shouting WAKE UP!! from a sound (read: like a corpse) sleep after she suffered such horrible sinus blockage that she didn’t sleep the night before, felt as if she was being slowly suffocated, and her equilibrium was duly affected by said sinus blockage to the extent that she stumbled around her office like the town drunk for the majority of the day and was nauseated to the point of chucking her cookies and finally ended up medicating herself to the gills just to catch a few winks.

I'm SO not a morning person, even on a good day (well, excecpt in one way that is! hee hee!), and even the CATS and my daughter when she was 2 years old know/knew not to wake me up like this.

So I ask you is this really a way to get woken up? If you'll excuse me, I've got a few calls to make to Random House, Webster's, Oxford, etc... because I know I'm right.

2005-06-14T00:50:00.000+03:00

NOT GUILTY

Yes, I perversely sat up until almost 1 am watching the Michael Jackson trial verdicts read live.

One by one I heard 'Not Guilty' read on CNN. I can only imagine the terror MJ was feeling. I was actually quite impressed by the way he and the whole family conducted themselves upon exiting the courthouse.

I won't say whether I personally think he was guilty or not, but I will say this:

Michael, for the love of God, please, PLEASE stay away from males under 18 from now on, for your own sake and that of your children!

2005-06-13T11:42:00.000+03:00

Once Upon A Time...

Every now and then I come across an email that I have to post on my blog, not just mindlessly forward via email. Why? Because it just "tickles me scarlett" and I have to share it with you, that's why!!

In all fairness, I will give a shout out to the person who sent it to me... so thanks Haifa! I needed that chuckle honey!

This is the fairy tale we should have been reading as little girls!

Once upon a time, in a land far away, a beautiful, independent, self-assured princess happened upon a frog as she sat contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle.

The frog hopped into the princess' lap and said: "Elegant Lady, I was once a handsome prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me. One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back into the dapper young prince that I am. Then, my sweet, we can marry and set up housekeeping in your castle with my mother, where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children, and forever feel grateful and happy doing so.".

That night, as the princess dined sumptuously on lightly sauteed frog legs seasoned in a white wine and onion cream sauce, she chuckled and thought to herself:

'I don't fucking think so!!!!!!'

The End

Y'all know you loved it! Admit it!

2005-06-12T23:31:00.000+03:00

The answers.... part 1

Last one first y'all......

Catrina asked me:

Does Maman still smoke?

First off, she means Monster, for all of you curious readers.

And, before I answer that, may I just say that I finally saw a trailer for Monster-in-law? (Quiet, wiseguys!) Yes I did. And my daughter just happened to be sitting mnhest to me in the movie theater when I did, and into the silence that followed.... she was heard to state - not altogether quietly - after the cake scene and the shrieking antics of Jane Fonda......"Wow! That's just like Grandma about you! But... she's worse than that lady on the screen." Then she leaned around me and said, as she reached for some popcorn, "Don't you think that's just like your MOM, Dad?".

Uh. huh.

Have you guys ever choked on popcorn? No? For the record? It's awfully painful.

Now then Cat, she still sneaks and snoops around corners attempting to eavesdrop and spies on us as much as before, if not more which is beyond creepy. As far as the cigs go, Monster tells everyone that she doesn't smoke anymore...for ages. BUT. I've caught her smoking out in the garden. And if that isn't HER ciggie butts out in her favorite corner of the garden, I'll be dammed if I know whose they are.

And now, every afternoon around 4-ish, Shony sees her go in her room, LOCK the door from inside and hide out there for about 15 minutes. When the door is open again? Presto! The reek of cigarettes mixed with copious amounts of perfume.

Nawwwwww, she doesn't smoke. Do ya think?

Next answer will be in a little while. Keep your eyes peeled!

2005-06-09T18:14:00.000+03:00

Update.

So far, so good with my little sign project in the ladies room at work. We'll see how long they behave, hmmm?

I just realized that it's Thursday and I didn't ask for Inquisition questions. My bad.

Bad, bad Scarlett Cyn.

So, ask me a question. I'll still do it this week, if a bit belatedly.

For those of you chomping at the bit to know what an Islamic toilet is. Well, it's like a hole in the floor, with a ceramic basin, there is no seat, cause you have to squat. and when I say squat, I mean way the hell down on your haunches. Best description is that it is like a sunken toilet? There is a flush mechanism that works like a regular commode.

What is with the squatting thing, you may wonder? From what I understand it is a matter of cleanliness and not touching your skin somewhere that someone 'unclean' or heathen (ie: non-praying, someone that has not done the ritual absolution (washing) for them to pray) It is for the same reasons highly religious Muslims don't shake hands with the opposite sex or even touch.

I may have completely butchered that, but if there is a Muslim out there that would love to describe it better, please be my guest.

Now then.

Questions lovies, quesitons!

2005-06-08T08:52:00.000+03:00

Just Call Me...... SUBTLE

"Vengence is mine", sayeth the Lord. That's what I've always been told.

Well Lord, generally speaking, I tend to agree and leave things in your capable hands, (see? For instance, I've left Monster ALL for you to handle!) but You DID give me a brain, and sometimes, you just need to take matters into your own hands. I don't want to bother you with such teensy problems. You have more important things to worry about! Like the horrid things going on down here on Earth. Sick babies, World Peace, Terrorism, worrying about Monster showing up at your gates and wanting in (ha hahahahahah- yeah right!) and all that kind of stuff. I'm just trying to be helpful, you understand?

Dearest readers: You know something? Just when I thought (assumed) things were going along smoothly here with the bathroom situation at work when I got a DOUBLE surprise the other day.

Go on, I'll let you use your fertile imaginations before I break it to you. I'll wait.........

.....................................*looks at watch*.......................................

Well, the other day I had to tinkle, so off to the Ladies I go. I barrell into the usual stall and I skid to a dead stop in my tracks.

People, we had a floater. And by the looks of things, it had been there for a while.

Ewwwww.

I flushed as fast as possible (for those of you wondering why I didn't just choose another stall, it's because there are only TWO stalls, and the other one is an Islamic-style toilet.) and proceeded still irked like hell... only to disover a few seconds later that...........

no. fucking.paper. again.

In the immortal words of Charlie Brown: AAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!

)(*)&)^%^$%^$$$^$&*(%^())%^#*(%^#)*#%()*%#()#$)(&%^#((*)%^#(*&(%&

Enough is enough, and even I have my limits. So guess what I did?

I plotted and figured out how to get my message across without sounding like a completely accusatory bitch on wheels.

I ended up making a nice and tasteful COLOR sign with pictures and everything on my new toy(color copy machine/scanner/printer/BBQ Grill, that read: "Please flush when finished (with a cartoon-like pic of a toilet) and then a BIG cartoon pic of a roll of "Charmin" with the words "And make sure there is paper for the person after you. Thank you!!!!!!"

Fuck all with the being subtle stuff. I then went and taped the thing at EYE LEVEL inside the stall opposite the toilet so that when you're sitting down, you can't help but look at it! The only thing I didn't do was type it in Swahili, and that's only because the only one here that speaks it is my boss, and well, he's MALE.

2005-06-04T21:45:00.000+03:00

You KNOW You Want It! - WEEK 25

Well, well, well. I must say that I have been oh-so-pleasantly surprised by the new commenters here at Scarlett's Haven in the past week or so. Whether you realized it or not, you really made my day, so thank you! And believe you me, this week? I really needed it!

Before I get right into the Q&A session this week, one of you was sort of wondering if I had given in to the EXTREMELY strong urge to smack MIL around and wondering if I had managed to straighten Z out yet. I only have this to say:

She yet lives, un-molested by me, but HEY! The week is young! (just joking) Her ass IS on fire thinking that we took Shony to the movies yesterday, because she was screaming and INSISTING that she saw her in the back of the car with Arianna when we left, but I frankly find it hilarious. Why? Because Shony left for mass about 2 hours earlier. What a freak, huh?

Secondly, Z? Straightened out? Believe me honey, if he isn't straightened out after all my efforts, all my giving, understanding, and sacrificing in the past 16 years of our relationship, it can't be done. And sadly, I think the only time he might ever realize exactly what he has, and make any kind of effort, it will be way too late in the 'game', so to speak. Although it is nice to know that we can still snow some people over in public and put on a good show.

We did just that the other night, during my margarita binge (oopsy, did I neglect to mention that? Perhaps I was just a weeeee bit too tipsy to regale you with the stories. I distinctly remember there were a number of incidents that I thought – OH YEAH! I'm BLOGGING THAT, Yesireeeebob! Uh-huh!!!, but hell if I can remember any of them now. Truly, there was some really funny stuff and comments going on that night that had nothing to do with the fact that I was being slipped triple margaritas when I specifically recall asking for singles. Really!

Again I was sitting near the devastatingly, drop-your-panties-in-a-heap-on-the-floor-in-a-nanosecond GORGEOUS and SEXY half Scottish and half Persian (best of both, really) 6'4, IDENTICAL twins as the last birthday party I attended, but fortunately for me and my concentration, I didn't have BOTH of em sitting directly across from me this time. Why? Because last time, they were both sitting across from me, directly across from me, and, well, I, who happens to be the proud owner of fine table manners? Well, I was clanging my fork and knife and being generally clumsy in ways that I never am that I was all to happy to let some people blame on the WUSSY rum and coke I was consuming. I mean really! Rum and coke do that to me? Aw HELL NO! And then, while I was slightly mesmerized by the sexy smile and twinkle in their eyes, because, well, I'm not blind OR dead (and sitting next to Mr. Silent and obnoxious) and those deep yummy baritone voices… much later that evening, after lots and lots of conversation, because I am a nice person to sit next to-or across from- at a dinner party, I realized something. Their voice, even their way of speaking? Is exactly like my brother Joey. And that? Freaked me out. Although my brothers are pretty hot in their own right.

Ok, I'll behave now and cut to my answers.

Bre asked:

Have you ever thought of being a teacher again? What about being one in the U.S? Keeping in mind all the crap that has gone on in the past few years.

Well Bre, I did actually enjoy my year-long stint as a kindergarten teacher, I must admit. I'm not insane; it's just that I really do love kids that much. Unfortunately, it is bad for my health, a number of doctors have advised me against it, so I will never teach again.

I had a weak immune system to begin with after having a bout of Mono when I was 12 that took forever (read: six months) to get over. But the year I was teaching, 98-99, is when I came down with an almost lethal (literally) cocktail of illnesses: severe infection of my larynx and pharynx that made me lose my voice for almost 4 months, severe bronchitis and upper-respiratory infection that ended up developing into walking pneumonia and then full-blown pneumonia AND highly contagious mononucleosis along with a few other viruses - all at the same time. Which led to my two month long miscarriage of the miracle pregnancy baby I had no idea I was carrying- and the subsequent hemorrhaging that also almost killed me.

That second bout with Mono, which I was told was a particularly difficult strain to treat and get rid of, pretty much mutilated my already-weak immune system. I think we are all willing to admit that a schoolroom is chock-full of cooties, no matter how much Lysol and disinfectant you use.

I didn't notice the pregnancy symptoms because the infections had me so weak, dizzy, and heavily vomiting (ie: similar to my usual pregnancy symptoms) that I didn't realize it. Why in the HELL would I even think I was pregnant anyway? I have PCOS. Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome-which is now Grade 4. That means that the fact that I somehow ended up pregnant was a miracle. Also, it shows you just how horny Z used to be if he was able to get any when I was THAT sick. Ah… memories. *sniff*. Also, because of the PCOS, I tend to have horribly painful, heavy periods (I can just hear all the male readers going "EWWW") when I DO have one- it can go for months without coming-and once in a while, I have been known to bleed heavily for at least a month. But this time around was horrible, as I'm sure you can imagine. Now picture this: I was working every day while miscarrying. I still remember leaving my classroom with my helper to go to the bathroom and clean up, and when I went down the hall, I had to lean-full body- against the wall to stay upright and shuffle to the toilet. I used all my energy in class, but when I was out of that door, I allowed myself to give in to the hell my body was in. As I've said in an earlier post a while back, little did I know I was bleeding to death. Literally.

Even if I didn't have a weak immune system, for me to teach in the US, I would have to be properly educated and certified, which I'm not. Here I was just hired by Z's Auntie and her pervert husband (now that is another story altogether) because they have an American curriculum school, and they wanted the little ones to get that good American accent. *snap snap* I was just here a few months and desperate for work, so I took it. Great hours, decent pay, 3 months off a year. Why not? Ok, even if I was certified? Are you joking? The kids in the US take weapons and worse shit to school now. Imagine I gave some kid a bad and well-deserved grade and he/she came the next day for vengeance? Um, no thanks. I heard about this four months pregnant teacher that gave a girl an F on an exam and she came back to school the next day with a hammer and bashed the teachers' skull in…. repeatedly in. front. Of. The. Class. *shudder, gag* And as far as those two little delinquents in Ohio are concerned, I would probably have beaten BOTH their asses but good, (wrong tho it may be to smack a student.) called the cops, AND probably given a few smacks to the stupid ass principal too. What an ASSWIPE.

But now I realize you probably knew all of that since you've been marathon blogging reading my archives lately, now don't you? Well, hell.

Cheryl b asked:

Will you let Ari get tattoos/piercings before she is 18? Would she even want them?

Are you kidding? I won't even cut much of her hair off!! (heh) Well, now that's not true. I did take her for her FIRST EVER real haircut at the beginning of the school year and take about a forearm's length off, which took it from somewhere between her hips and knees up to just above waist-length, so….

But honestly, I pierced her ears at about 8 months old, and now, I have to force her to wear earrings so the holes won't close. I usually win this 'discussion' every few months or so. Also, she is a big ole wimp, which is just fine by me, meaning I don't see her garnering up the courage to even consider it, and they don't do that here, anyway.

She isn't particularly fond of tattoos either. A couple of her older cousins have them,-one of which is her son's name done in a beautiful vivid cobalt blue in the most gorgeous Arabic calligraphy in the shape of a teardrop the size of a silver dollar on her back right shoulder blade. But Arianna is much like me in that she thinks of it as art and sees the beauty in it, but doesn't necessarily want to have it done.

She gets her "body art" fix by doing henna, which is fine, and I like to do it too. It's the temporary part of it that I like, and I think that's what appeals to her as well. One of these days I'll get some henna done, take a pic and post it on my blog for all of you to goggle over.

Annie b, a new commenter here at my little Haven asked:

What's going on with Z's job? Would he consider looking back in the States again?

First of all, Hi ANNIE B!!!! Welcome.

Ahem, now then. As further proof of how busy I've been lately, It appears that I neglected to tell you that Z's old job here in Bahrain snapped him back up around mid-April. I gave him a shitload of advice before he went back and it appears that to some extent at least, for once in his life, he is actually following my well-meaning comments.

All of the Directors of the company are thrilled he is back because, even though he is now a manager of his former department, still, his old clients that they lost when he left are now slowly coming back and sales are WAAAY up from this time last year (when he wasn't working for them). The other day he told me "XYZ told me that sales are up $37,000 over May last year, heh." And I said unthinkingly "Oh, is that all?" and when he looked at me like I slapped him, I replied "Well, it's just that for you, that's not much for this time of year, the beginning of high-season. Your sales are usually at least 100,000 or more." To which his face relaxed and he said "that's because I haven't told all of my old customers I'm back yet. I'm working on it."

Smart ass. All I can say is its too bad the guy doesn't make commission. And no, he isn't considering going back to the US any time soon as far as I'm aware. At least not until Ari is ready for college maybe, from what I know.

But then again, what the hell DO I know where his thoughts are concerned?

Carrie Jo asked this:

It's actually for Ari, but you can answer for her) What does Ari want to be when she grows up?

Well honey, last I heard, she wants to be a scientist or in the medical profession somehow. Of course, she also said she wanted to be an actress too, and frankly, I think she has quite a strong natural acting ability. She loathes school, although she does well in it with a minimum (forced) effort. She is a really smart girl, and could probably do whatever she sets her mind to, if she is willing to find the get up and go to do it. Right now her teachers bash their heads because "She is so highly intelligent, but stubborn and obstinate. If she doesn't do something perfect the first time, she gets angry and frustrated and tosses down her pen. Hence, lazy tendencies."

Sigh. She gets pretty much straight B's, with minimal – again- effort, and that with me standing on her head to study, pushing and forcing her to actually whip out the books- and she could be a straight A student if she was so inclined.

IF.

Annnnnnd that just about wraps up this week's Inquisition Confession. Thank you all for your questions.

Ta-ta my lovelies!

2005-06-04T11:28:00.000+03:00

A Question

Does it make me a bad fur Mama if I let Gypsy drink the dregs of my hot tea w/milk?

Granted she is only 2 3/4 months old, but she already had her face in my teacup before I realized what she was up to, and she seemed to be enjoying herself so much, I let her finish. It's not as if I was going to drink any after that!

She's such a naughty, adorable little shit that I couldn't help it. With all that snow white fur and those big blue eyes in that innocent expression, I didn't have the heart to stop her.

Z is still arguing with me over the name I've given her, but I'll put it up to y'all, ok? She is absolutely gorgeous, perfect as perfect and adorable as a pedigree persian kitten can be, excecpt: behind that pretty fluffy coat, huge innocent looking blue eyes, chubby cobby body, schmoshy face and loving soul? Is a wild-tempered, naughty thing who will give you kisses with one breath and chew the hell out of your hand in the next and prefers to play rough and beat the crap out of Garfield and Bandit who are more than twice her size and 9 times out of 10 will instigate everything rather than play with, say, her litter- brother.

Personally, I think it's an absolutely perfect name for the shameless hussy!

PS: Keep on the lookout! Inquisition answers are coming shortly!! I promise!!!

2005-05-31T19:13:00.000+03:00

My New Toy

For anyone that truly knows me, they will know that sometimes even the smallest, or perhaps strangest thing makes me really happy.

Another little thing about me. Ever since I was a little girl, I've been obsessed with buttons and electronic gadgets. I was beginning to type properly by age 7. We are talking hitting the right keys with the proper fingers. (Thanks Daddy!) and I've always been pretty much mechanically inclined. (again, props to Daddy). He and I used to bum around car junkyards for the hell of it. Give me a screwdriver and some pliers and I was a happy thing, prying all sorts of stuff from those cars..right after I had made fast friends with the guard dog.

But I digress... sort of.

So today? Today I got a new toy at work. Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyy!!! Now you are all going to think I'm weird, probably. My new toy is......................

A Xerox Color photocopier machine.

Oh, but it is so much more than that, it can fax, is a printer (with all SORTS of options for printing....yaaay) a scanner, you can even email from it!

I don't know what I like more about it; all the gadgets and options it has, that it will make my life so much easier, is so much more cost efficent for my department, which will look great at year end review time,or the fact that I finagled the price down from US$16,000.00 to US$9,283.75 (plus a freeeeee desk color printer thrown in to boot!). This is just like the three Persian carpets I purchased for the bank's Executive floor recently. (read: area where I am. Hey! First impressions count! Must maintain an elegant standard.) By the time I was done with the price, it was basically buy one with a US$ 900.00 discount , get two free. I'm serious.

I'm good, huh?

It is so much fun! Plus? My boss loves it! The copier is probably his favorite. I don't know which part made me happiest.

Then again, it could be just the fact that it soothed my shopping itch by dropping that much cash that doesn't belong to me.

Yeah, probably.

2005-05-30T20:54:00.000+03:00

Scarlett's Pet Peeve

You know something? This enquiring mind wants to know, so I just have to ask my fellow women out there in the blogsphere because frankly, I'm both irritated and amazed.

Ladies of the world, how can you possibly not take the literally 3 seconds it will need to take the spare role of toilet paper into the stall for the next poor, unspecting female you WORK WITH, if you know damn well that you've just used the last of the bit on the roll? Really now. How in the hell would you feel if it were you stranded on the toilet seat?

I mean COME ON! We are all in this together. We have to wipe. We are not lucky like men who not only get to pee standing up but also just have to shake it a few times and they are good to go. Oh no, not us. Paper. We need it. I mean, thankfully they have that rinser thingiemajiggy that is a lot like the rinser dealie-bob in your kitchen sink, but STILL! It isn't as if I have the time to drip dry or anything, because as is, and you ALL KNOW IT, I barely have time to pee as is.

So as I'm sure you all have deduced by now, I was sort of caught off guard. SO there I sat, kind of stranded knowing, just KNOWING there is a big ass pile of spares out in the bathroom near the sink. Ummm-hmmm and I was not the least happy about it. I don't ask anything that I wouldn't do myself. I always take the time to put TWO for the other ladies that use the bathroom when I use the last of the roll. Hrumph! Thing is, I can pretty much narrow down my list of who it could be. Because out of the 40-odd staff on my floor, about 3 are ladies besides me.

This amazes me. And for those of you out there chuckling to yourselves about this, just remember one teensy thing:

It can happen to you my friend, and belive me, it will.

PS: Questions people, questions. And Carrie Jo honey? Um, can I have another one? I answered this one two weeks back I think. *ducks head*

2005-05-29T21:41:00.000+03:00

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

Forgive me. I'm channeling Macaulay Culkin today…for most of the day.

See, my assistant has moved on to greener pastures rather suddenly and quite unexpectedly, and while I wish her the very best of luck in her new position, that doesn't stop the fact that I am….

SO. VERY.screwed. Particularly today. Why? Because the other assistant in the office was out today, meaning I was all alone. So naturally it was busier than usual. My desk looked like an avalanche hit, and that is just NOT the way I work. I like tidy piles at least, but none of that today. Nuh-uh! The phones alone had me wanting to cry and everything of course was URGENT. My boss also has selective memory. He makes appointments and tells people to come see him and then when they show up (which I know nothing about because why on earth would he bother to put it on his schedule??) he blames me for making appointments without permission and YOU try telling him as politely as possible that HE told them on the phone to show up!! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh *yanks fistfuls of hair*. Can you just imagine the strange looks I get from the people when I tell them, "He wasn't expecting you and they say "But he said to come!??"? Arugh.

Here is another strange example. He has been trying to set up an appointment with a particular ambassador and vice versa. He just got through telling me on Thursday how much he wants me to get this appointment arranged. So this morning I finally got an appointment confirmed for tomorrow morning… when the morning was completely open on his planner. So what happens when I tell him on he phone all triumphantly that I secured the coveted appointment? He freaked about how busy he is this week, and he has no time for these kind of things blah blah blah. This as I'm looking at his pretty much empty schedule this week on the monitor in front of me, completely puzzled.

Oh well, he is a really nice guy though. I just could not get over the amount of work today is all.

Of course I managed, BUT…. I'm even more exhausted than usual too.

Maybe because I slept like hell last night tossing and turning incessantly, the sound of my own cries waking me up repeatedly. I was in a constant half awake half asleep state for most of the night and early morning hours. I guess it's a damn good thing I can't remember what I was dreaming, now isn't it?

I think I'm going to hit the hay early tonight. I just have one or two more things to impart to you all.

1) I'm actually going to ask you early (read: NOW PEOPLE) for Inquisition questions this week, and,
2) Garfield, my apparently highly overs*xed 4 month old bi/gay/WTF?? KITTEN was at it again humping on his… half brother Bandit. Z is so freaked out about it that he told me to "snip his nuts if you wanna keep his freaky ass". Well! This from the man with 2 gay brothers? (one of which is now his sister. HELLOOOOO????) I kinda feel sorry for the vet. These are some seriously HEWGE balls on this cat. Much like that hamster I spoke of oh so long ago. WHAAAAT? You can't help but see his equipment, even with all that fur. He likes to sit like a person on his ass with his legs out in front of him. It's kind of hard to miss, you realize?

Well, I'm off to get some beauty sleep, my lovelies. I'm burnt OUT today. Now don't forget to get your quesitons in!! I'll be waiting.

2005-05-27T23:09:00.000+03:00

I HATE This

Further to my earlier comment on my previous post about Z's odd behavour today, and the fact that I've felt like a single mother all day long. I find it fascinating to sit next to someone and feel like you are compleetely and totally alone in the room excecpt for the apparently homosexual (bi?) cat playing with your hair and trying to drink your tea.

The worst thing about me saying "to hell with him and his pouting" today and taking Ari out for a little retail therapy which didn't help because I was so sad about Z's actions that had me confused the WHOLE day and evening, and later to dinner at Chili's because, well, that's what Ari wanted is that? Monster is LOVING THIS.

Absolutely LOVING IT, y'all.

This is one of the few times I have ever gone out without him on a weekend. Wait. let me clarify that. Out by myself is one thing, ie: getting my nails done, or a haircut, or grocerey shopping. But to take Ari out for HOURS and all? No. On family day? The one day when we are all together and which, until now has always been kind of sacred to me? So it is very obvoious that something is up. It would be as if I kicked his ass on the sofa to sleep for a night, which I have never done. Not because I didn't want to, but because I didn't want to give her the satisfaction of seeing, knowing things were not right between us.

Hell, you'd have to be blind and deaf not to see it now. and that? She is not.

I felt bad while out, so I did what I always do and try to make nice nice. I called him from my mobile phone to see if he wanted to come eat with us and maybe catch a movie or something...and he was a complete ASSHOLE and I ended up hanging up. Imean what is wrong with just wanting to be a littl happy and spend a teensy bit of quality time toegther? Heh. Quality time. Now that is a joke.

Anyway, when I got home, he was nowhere to be found. (Did I ever mention we are sharing MY car?) Here it is 11:15pm and he walked in and went straight to bed without a single word or even look in my direction (unless you count that vacant look as his eyes passsed over me? Should I count that?) Ugh.

I neglected to share with you that I ripped him a good one about 2 weeks ago when he started being particulary mean telling me I'm running out of time to get pregnant and what the hell am I waiting for? That my biological clock is just about out of batteries, and here I sit doing nothing about it, blah blahblahhhhhh when I should at least go see the new specialist that replaced Wand Monkey talk to him and "see what he says", and why oh WHY am I so useless and lazy about it? I replied that 1) I'm only 33 and, 2) WHY get my hopes up by going to go see the new Wand Monkey and then want to start trying for another child FOR MYSELF when WE can't afford it right now? 3) Why are you saying I should go see him and not WE? My name is NOT Mary Magdeline- SO it takes TWO for this. and Don't forget he is going to ask how often we do the deed! Oh! Maybe that's why you don't want to go to the doctor's appointments!

For the record? I'm one of the nicest people you'll ever meet, just DON'T 1) mistreat me or 2) judge me unfairly without knowing the whole story or 3) maliciously slander and gossip about me and you will never ever get the razor sharp edge of my tongue and deadly intellect. Otherwise? If I find out either 1, 2 or 3 have happened? (God forbid all 3) After I get over the initial hurt? My protective instincts whip out and that means: The gloves are off and the talons extended.

And now? Monster is singing in her room and I just saw her doing a little dance in the hallway too. Evil old bitch. I guess to her twisted mind, maybe her prayers of so many years are slowly coming true.

Who knows? Maybe they are.

*sigh*

2005-05-27T21:40:00.000+03:00

Inquisition Confession - Week 25

Welcome to this week's delayed Inquisition Confession. Thank you all for being so patient. It was an insanely crazy week at work. Anyway, I must admit I received an interesting array of questions this time around! Take a look:

Catrina, you asked me a good one, that, I honestly felt bad answering, until Z acted like an asswipe the whole day-ie: today- that is supposed to be our ONE family day together with our daughter, so, in answer to your question:

Does Z still have all his hair?

The answer is: doesn't he wish? No. He has a ton in the back of his head that is soft as silk, but it is very thin on top now. You can see serious scalp, and he hates it, probably because he has such a big ole head. His hair is still that pretty deep chocolate brown though. He is absolutely dying to do a some type of hair grafting. Also, Mr. Z barely has any wrinkles either at almost 41, but that could very well be because he loves – and men, take note!- alpha hydroxy cream and uses it religiously on the borderline of fanatically every single day. He just has a faint smattering of crinkles at the corners of his eyes and his skin is baby soft.

Now then, Cheryl b thinks she asked me a lame question, but it would only be lame if I wasn't really in to the wholeHarry Potter phenomon, which I just happen to be! Books, movies, everything. In fact, Arianna and I sat today and plunked Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone in the DVD player and had a good ole time watching it together. So, Cheryl asked me this:

If you were a teacher at Hogwarts what would you teach?

Ooooh, I could SO fit in at Hogwarts - if I was a witch and had those talents, that is!- so I would have to say it's a toss up between Charms and Defense Against the Dark Arts. I also like the whole Transfiguration thing too, imagine! I could let my students practice on Monster! Whoot! All day long I could watch her turning from a bullfrog to a snake, to a rat, to a spider,to a fly, to an ardvark, to a squirrel.... ahhh, the possiblities are endless.

I'm curious about my readers. If YOU could be a teacher at Hogwarts, what would y'all teach? In order to help you decide, I've included this handy dandy little link for ya! Wasn't that nice of me?

Mare Imbrium said this, this week:

Okay. We can see you're not shy, and you're not messy...so what's your secret weakness (like kryptonite, maybe)? Do you procrastinate? Do you get distracted easily (that would be mine) or something like that? Sorry, that's all I can come up with.

Hey Mare, does French bread count? I'm a sucker for French bread. Proper French bread. With real creamy butter. *drool*. Um, no, I guess that doesn't count.

Ummm, let me see… I'd have to say that I do tend to get distracted somewhat easily, but just as often, I can be strangely focused as well. I used to be one hell of a procrastinator, but I've gotten so burned by being like that, that I'm much better now. I still sometimes procrastinate doing the one thing at work that I hate… filing. Which I always find strange, because I'm such a control freak and so organized that filing would naturally fall into that, but sometimes, I can let the filing pile up a bit (in organized piles, mind you) but then, as if I get a bee up my a*s or something, I will file like MAD one day and re-organize everything while I'm at it! Weird, I know.

I'd have to say my biggest weakness is daydreaming. Maybe because I am such a visual person, I'm not sure. But I'm a kid who always had written on their report cards, and notes from teacher "Cyn is habitually daydreaming in class and has been caught staring dazedly out the window". My answer when confronted with that was a sheepish look paired with "but the class was BORING". I can't begin to tell you the number of times I was moved from my window seat in school. Too bad the teacher didn't realize that it wasn't necessarily the window distracting me and that isn't what was needed for me to daydream or be distracted. Far from it. Hell, I could zone out on the pattern on my folder or the shirt of the guy sitting in front of me!

God help me if I had a really good descriptive textbook in something I liked like Science or History. If the history story was interesting to me, I'd be picturing the text like a movie in my head. (told you I'm a visual person, now didn't I?)

Another thing. I’m the last person who can sit in a lecture or conference. It has to be a very dynamic speaker to hold my attention, because otherwise? I get drowsy. This gave me serious problems in High School and College particularly. Not to mention seminars I've attended in my adult life. I think that is one of the reasons I like watching Bill Clinton give speeches. He is a very good, and dynamic speaker. He holds my attention, an impressive feat, I must admit.

How's THAT for Kryptonite, babycakes?

Carrie Jo asked me sometihng that was actually much more difucult to answer than I originally imagined it would be, if only because for my whole life I am used to putting others first, waaaay before me. Here it is:

If you had just ONE wish that you were required to use for yourself (no world peace or ending world hunger wishes), what would it be (beside Monster moving to Antarctica)?

Actually Carrie Jo, hell if I know. Let me think now....

How about money? Yeah, at the risk of sounding totally materialistic, and since you took away my world peace, and disappearing Monster options, I guess I have to go for money.

I wouldn't want to be Bill Gates rich, not by a long shot, but, I would wish for a never empty, interest-free bank account. That way I could always use whatever money I wanted, when I wanted it, and not have to worry about not having it, or too little.

At least I wouldn't have to work if I didn't want to, and I could travel and see all the places I've always wanted to see. Monster and her money lovin children could kiss my white ass, cause I'd be the one with the bucks then! (Severely materialistic people y'all). So I would do this with my bottomless pit bank account.Ahhhhh, all the things I could do. I could travel, as previously mentinoed, shop, not have to worry about paying for a top rate education for my daughter, get myself knocked up with the assistance of the finest IVF specialist in the world, THEN, get a killer tummy tuck and booby lift after I was all done breastfeeding my TWINS, while I was at it, have them do something about the part of my body I absolutely HATE.... my neck. then, of course, more shopping. (Did I mention that another kryptonite for me is jewellery? I love jewellery. Bring on the pretties!!!!) I'd buy myself a house in Ireland, and one in Scotland- a beautifully referbished castle, preferably! and custom build myself my dream house in the US. buy a couple of lovely cars. I'd buy a nice fat life-insurance policy on myself and make Arianna and the twins my beneficiaries so they would be set for life-just in case.

Hows that Carrie Jo? (you know I'd take you on some of my vacations, now dontcha? I just couldn't mention it up there, since you specified it had to be for ME!)

Well, that's about it for my answers this week. Until my next "I'm SO gonna blog THIS!" moment, I'm signing out.

Ta-ta my lovlies!

2005-05-27T21:20:00.000+03:00

???????????????????

As if I wasn't already saying "WHAT THE FU*K?" all day long due to Z a) ignoring me b) giving me the silent treatment c) choosing NOT to go anywhere with our daughter as a family d) being an obnoxious SCHMUCK for NO reason because I SWEAR I said or did nothing excecpt wake up and make breakfast.

SO then, after Ari and I basically left when we were told to, we crawled in about 9:15pm,me still kind of in a daze after having teenage guys checking out my daughter with a kind of stupefied, frozen wonder on their faces and her completely oblivious to it all (just the way I like it. Her. Oblivious to it). So now I'm still dazed and also kind of wondering just where Z might have gotten off to, and Shony and Ari try to go in her room when I hear Shony gasp at the other end of the hallway and say "COME HERE!". So, I walk down the hall and stand in the darkened doorway of Ari's room and I couldn't quite believe the sight that met my eyes in the sliver of light shining on my daughters bed..........

Garfield, my 4 month old MALE cat was on top of Bandit, my 4 month, 1 week old MALE cat and, well, after I flipped on the light just to be sure I wasn't seeing things.... people, I swear to you that Garfield was trying to hump Bandit. Really. I stared at Garfee's flanks just to make sure I wasn't seeing things, and Bandit, well, he was taking it. Shony said "Can you belive this?" to which I replied "At least they're on a bed. heh".

Garfield was so intent on what he was doing that he didn't even realize we were there until I yanked Bandit out from under him saying "HEY! I'm pretty damn sure you're a BOY!!!!!!!" after which I flipped him over and stared at his genitals just to make sure, then I showed Shony "ISN"T THIS a BOY?!!!??" to which she agreed.

Garfield was giving me dirty looks and I grabbed him up saying "AND YOU! YOU ARE WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYY too young to even be INTERESTED, learning bad habits from your Daddy, Huh?" (Maximus, not Z. Are you joking? Sex? What's THAT?) Because Z thought it would be fun to keep the 3 females that I didn't know were back in heat in with Max and Sigfried, who, up until a few days ago, was a virgin. I swear, he has to start buying the goddamn cat food.

I'm so shocked that I completely forgot which class at Hogwarts I was planning to teach, Cheryl b!

Oh my GOD. My CATS ARE GAY.

Inquisition answers to follow shortly, as soon as I get over my shock.

2005-05-26T23:57:00.000+03:00

A Confession of a Different Sort

Well friends, I think I know how Dr. Frankenstein felt. "I've created a Monster!"

He was such a wussy. I've created TWO. Et tu, mo-fo? And absolutely shameless ones at that. You see, as I type, I'm sort of ashamed to admit that, well, Garfield has his fat, orangey-red stripey head and ONE paw in a 'school size' pack of Fritos and he is growling his ass off, my dears. Growling at who, you may ask? Certainly not me (he knows better!), but at Bandit who is crunching the one or two I gave him to get Garfield off his butt. Excecpt that now? Bandit likes them VERY MUCH, and so we have a bit of a standoff.

Those Fritos were orignially mine, or at least I thought they were. At least they let me have a couple of them.

Let me, you may ask. Well, yes. See, one minute, I had the little pack in my hand, the next thing I knew, Bandit was on my lap with one paw in the bag, which kind ruined the whole guilty pleasure junk food fix.

And it wasn't just any junk food fix, either. It was real, honest-to-goodness AMERICAN JUNK FOOD, which is pretty much non existant where I live. Sure, they have products like Lays potato chips and Cheetos, Doritos (ohmygoid! yum) and such, but they are DIFFERENT, and made usually in Saudi Arabia by companies licsenced to do so but honestly, they DO NOT TASTE THE SAME AT ALL. SO imaine my pitiful excitement to find a motherload of American junk food being stocked on the shelves of the little 7-11 style grocerey store down the street from my house? Whooooooo. Hot DAMN y'all. I wanted to hug the owner of the store, and while he is really nice and friendly and kind of hot, well, who wants gossip, ya know? Over real Cheetos and Sour Cream n-Onion Ruffles? I think not. So I settled for drooling in the aisle and carefully palpatating the bags for least amount of breakage. I WILL admit that I did a little wiggle of happiness at the sight of the bag of Roll'd Gold pretzels, though. (think I have a chance of getting this guy to bring Hostess products? Hmmmm.)

Damn, I love me some pretzels.

So, did I also mention that the cats, my boys, are also addicted to Cheetos also? As is, Bandit is naturally terrotorial, and if Garfield even sits within a foot of me in either direction, Bandit gets up in his face like "a-hole! My MAMA!", then proceeds to walk up my body, press his nose to mine while looking in my eyes, then settles himself on my chest jealous as hell. Imagine if I DARE to give some yummy stuff to Garfee? Yeah, Me, SO in trouble if I don't distribute evenly.

So,I suppose my only solution now is to hide and munch, huh?

Figures.

On a different note.

By the way, questions? Any last questions? you've got about 10 hours to get them in.

2005-05-25T17:42:00.000+03:00

Bush-ism’s my SWEET ASS.

Because really, I’m discovering Dubya has very little over on my boss. Or is it the other way around? I'm not quite sure. You be the judge, hmm?

Here’s proof just in case you think I might be being a tad bit unfair. I mean, don’t get me wrong, he is a real sweetheart, but, jeeeeeeez!!!! Sometimes? Serious Dubya/Homer moments. (Lord give me strength):

My boss was giving interviews to the press yesterday (he's in all the papers today) and he was telling them information "off the record" ie: stuff that isn't supposed to be widely known or things that haven’t happened yet but are in the pipeline.
So of course you know exactly what they printed, right? Yeah. Precisely.
Then today, while going through the articles and coverage, he said to our head guy in Marketing & PR: "Oh NO!! I told them not to quote me and that it was off the record!"
The Marketing & PR guy had a BLAST telling me this, and really, who could blame him?
Hellooooooooooooo? The PRESS? “Off the record”? Are you HIGH ON CRACK???? Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhahahahahahahahaa.

I rest my case. What is your verdict?

2005-05-24T19:38:00.000+03:00

This is a test............

Well darlings, I'm busy drowning at work- board meeting tomorrow and I'm in charge of the board, soooooooooooooooo........... ie: no time to blog. How depressing.

Therefore, please be so KIND as to leave me a question or 3 for this week's Inquisition and I will answer it (them) for you as soon as I get done.

And collapse from exhaustion.

We now return to our regularly scheduled program.........

2005-05-21T20:41:00.000+03:00

Time to Pray

Just got a call from Mama a little bit ago. Seems that she has spoken with my step-mother and my Daddy is not doing too well. (I was right. I told Mama on the phone the other day something was wrong with him. WHY did I have to be right??) He's been in the hospital since last Friday, so that is 9 days now, with pneumonia. Step-mom told Mama not to tell me, and Mama said "The Hell I won't! She adores her father, you should see his picture all over her house! She deserves to know, she will want to pray for him." Hence my phone call. (Ok, well, she told me that, and the fact that my brothers had a knock down drag out argument that, it seems, escelated into a full blown whopass brawl and now they aren't on speaking terms. No one knows what triggered it. Ugh.)

While pneumonia isn't always fatal there are a few concerns. He'll be 75 in September, and has had numerous strokes and heart attacks, to the point of flat-lining and being brought back more than twice. He's also a Type 2 diabetic that is barely kept under control with meds. Obviously, Daddy is a fighter. But I'm worried because he's been in so long with what he is in with.

Worried is actually quite an understatement and I feel like absolute crap too. I was supposed to go see him last October, but had to cancel my trip when I lost my job. It was so hard for me to tell him that I wasn't coming, when he was honestly so excited I was coming.

Mama told me last time she spoke with him he kept asking her "What happened to October? I was supposed to see my girl finally. What happened to October?" Man, I feel like a heel. Felt like one then, feel like an even bigger one now.

I think I'll go pray now, bad Catholic that I am. He can probably use all the prayers he can.

"Our Father, who art in Heaven... hallowed be thy name...."

2005-05-21T18:20:00.000+03:00

The ROWRRR Factor

I've got a new crush, y'all,or maybe just a previous one recently rekindled, I'm not really sure. The new object of my affections at present is…

Rob Thomas. Rowwwwwwwwwwwwrrrrr. *shudder, droool*

For those of you giving your monitor a blank stare, let me educate you. He is the lead singer of of Matchbox 20 and wrote the song "Tragedy" (which I really like also, come to think of it!) for Marc Anthony (aka Mr. J-Lo) and if you are still thinking "wtf?" then perhaps you remember him from a song he did with Carlos SANTANA a couple of years ago that was played to DEATH.

Ah! I see light bulbs going off now! Yesssss! And he has a new solo album out and a single "Don't Want To Be Lonely" on the Billboard Top 20 right now. Go on, have a listen. Oh my! Listen to the words. Oh my, oh my, ohhhh my!

I really LOVE that song. I have to go buy that cd. *Chants 'Come on Payday'! " Rob has major ROWRRRRR factor. He is damn sexy. He's mmmm mmmmm, GOOD! And I lurve the way he sings… it's like he's growling. Like I said, rowrrrrrr.

You all know my tastes tend to run to the dark haired, tall Irish or Scottish men, but once in a while there is a yummy American to tempt my taste buds and my, but he is awfully tempting. Yes, I think he'll do nicely in my male harem.

ROWRR Factor is for someone that appeals to you in such a way as to get your senses thrumming, for whatever reason. The sound of their voice sends a shiver down your spine. When you look at them, you have very naughty and wonderful thoughts of what you wouldn't mind doing to them, with them, whatever. Someone that makes you body tingle in interesting places. Ie: all over and in some places more than others.

Does anyone else agree with me about his level of hotness? Who do YOU think has ROWRRR Factor?

And Rob honey? You don't have to be lonely any more! *kiss*

2005-05-20T22:27:00.000+03:00

Scarlett Cyn , the MYTH BUSTER

This is basically a Public Service Announcement for women .

Why? Because while mall prowling with Z and Arianna - ok, fine, Ari and I were plowing our way through a scoop of Orange Sherbert (me) and Red raspberry Sherbert (Ari) - and I see something from far that just strikes me as... hootchie. It's been a while since I've seen something this... wrong and I just have to do my little bit for the planet.

Ladies, Sisters! Lend me your ears!

There is a myth that I must fix. I cannot handle seeing this. It is SO Britney Spears, and we don't want to look trashy, now do we?

Therefore, I feel I must let those of you not in the know, well, know! Wearing a black bra under a white blouse is just WRONG. If your mama told you that a black bra under white doesn't show? She lied. I'm sorry, but she did. Proof was the girl I saw today. I could see that black bra from good 75 feet away. It was even more obvious the closer she got to me.

SO please. Don't do it. It just looks tacky. Ok? Blush, or beige or cream under white is fine if you are Caucasian. Black? DOES NOT WORK.

Thank you. This is my good deed for the day.

2005-05-19T21:08:00.000+03:00

The Inquisition Confession – Week 24 (I think)

Am I a tease or what?

I totally planned on answering your questions last night, but I got a wee bit tied up, and SO not in a fun way!

Anyway, on to my answers.

Cheryl b asked me something really different and unique:

Close your eyes and picture the perfect meal. Tell me about it. Who's there? What are you eating, drinking? What do you smell? If you're talking, what about? What is the table set with?

Food: Roast beef. A huge roasted turkey. both will all the trimmings. A leg of lamb (although I don't eat It personally, my guests may!) Soup, salad, appetizers, lots of freshly made bread. (I'm such a meat eater) A lovely fine wine with the meal. A dazzling array of desserts. After dinner liqueur.

What do I smell? I smell the faint perfume of a 100 beeswax candles in candelabras and set around the room and the fragrance of the fresh flowers in the centerpiece. The slight smell of the polish used to wax the cherrywood table to a high sheen. The smell of the perfumes of the women present mingling together, myself included. and of course, I can smell the delicious food.

The table is set with the most beautiful fine china and Bacarrat Crystal. Beautifully polished sterling silver flatware. Fine Irish lace on the table and edging the cloth napkins.

The people I'm sitting with? A strange combination, I'm sure. My Nana. (Oh to have her back, if only for one night) My sister. (ditto). Just to let them both know how much I love them, how much they mean to me, and how very much they are missed. I would want them to see Arianna. That they live on through her in so many ways, even though they are gone. On that note, I would like to have my Grandmother Mildred and Grandfather Randall there too, (Mama's Parents) since they died before I was born.

Queen Elizabeth I of England. The Virgin Queen. Oh. I would ask her everything! She is the most fascinating woman to me! Then, naturally, being the shy person I am, I'd ask if she was really a virgin, or was she a 'technical' one. (She had a few too many 'favorites' if you ask me!) Ha ha! I'd like her to see what her decisions and sacrifices did for the country. She made England what it is today. A superpower.

Bill Clinton (all you Republicans, HUSH!). I just like listening to his mind work and the stuff that comes out of his mouth. He is a brilliant speaker, I think. (Would have to keep him far away from Sister Shelly and Queen Bess. He's an awfully friendly fellow!)

My Dad. I'd love to watch He and Fmr President Clinton chat. Dad is pretty brilliant and charming too!

Mama. Because, well, DUH! Nana was her MIL, and they adored each other. Mama always says what a great MIL Nana was. There are a few others, but they escape me at present.

Perhaps because I think I'm running a fever.

Pirate Wench asked me this one:

What will your funeral be like?

Well, hopefully it won't be what Monster-In-Law hoped for me-and frequently. ie: the sooner the better and she said (well, prayed for actually) right in my face, spitting: "When you die, soon Inshallah (means: God Willing), I will laugh, dance at your gravesite and sing, then I will shit and pee on you before they cover you with the dirt! " I've actually heard this more times than I can count. (Hey Isabel!! This is merely when I cross the room or the hallway saying nothing, nor even looking at her.)

I know one thing for sure, I do NOT, repeat DO NOT want to be buried here in Bahrain, even if, God forbid, I die here in the near future, I want my body shipped out. (There! I put it on the internet. Now the whole planet will know my wishes!)

If I could have it done anyway I like, I would like to be buried in one of two places, even if it were alone. Either on the coast of Ireland or Scotland - two places I love in the whole world- under a tree, overlooking the sea. I hope that the people that truly loved me and respected me will come to my funeral, not people that come out of propriety, I don't want them there.

What will probably happen? I'll get dumped in a hole somewhere, no one will remember to even give me a gravestone and forget I even existed within 6 months. Well, except for my daughter. She'll remember me.

It's kind of funny you asked me this question Wenchie. I just received my life insurance certificate from work this week. I looked at it and thought "Damn! I'm more valuable dead than alive! Heh!"

Mare Imbrium ! Where have you been girlfriend and what have you been up to? I missed ya!

Mare asked me:

But what's your favorite part of life in Bahrain?

A very good question. There is good and bad everywhere. Probably quality of life, such as it is. It's a tax-haven. (Which is why it is the banking center of the whole Middle East!) No tax on food, cars, clothes, anything.

Aside from my crazy working hours sometimes. But that is just really because I have so very much responsibility at work and care a great deal about the quality of my work.

I also like the fact that the country is really developing and growing and I'm witnessing it, day by day, month by month, and now, since 1998, year-by-year. I like that Bahrain is a combination of the old, the traditional, and the new. It isn't one or the other. The Bahraini people are, for the most part, very kind and hospitable and friendly. Bahrain is called the Island of Smiles for good reason. The best way I can think of to explain it is that the people here are much like the Southerner's in the US. Renown for their kindness, graciousness and hospitality.

I like that most Arab and Middle Eastern men that I have run into here are still gentlemen. They hold a door for a lady, or the elevator for that matter and 9 times out of 10 will insist on a lady being first. If you go to the bank, Dept of Motor Vehicles, or other such places and there is a huge ass line with tons of men?? The security will come and take you to the front of the line so the woman doesn't have to wait if the staff that work there haven't already done so! I LOVE that about Bahrain, actually.

Isabel, a new commenter on my blog asked me this, which I choose to take as a question for me this week,

You tell us about Monster and how absolutely crazy she is. Why is that? What makes her do these crazy things and act this crazy way? What does she have against you?

Honestly Isabel, I have been trying to figure out for over 15 years what the real problem is. I've tried to understand her. I've tried like HELL to make her love me, I'd settle for LIKE me, even. I've bought her cigs for her and her booze too, and helped her hide it from her sons. I've kept her screwing our neighbor in America a secret too. (ok. Until now) I can say with a completely clear conscious that I have done everything possible to get along with her. She has called me bitch, whore, cu*t, sh*thole, cussed me out , spit in my face, hit me, slapped me, pulled my hair, and even this, I didn't yell at her. I just begged her to leave me alone and stop. I would lock myself in my bedroom and turn on the TV or radio or both to try to drown out her shouting and screaming curses at me from DOWNSTAIRS that even through the noise, I know Catrina heard at least once while on the phone and asked me what that was, and my mom heard it several times while on the phone too. (In case any of you are wondering, No. She did this when her sons were NOT around. When it was just she and I in the house.) I tried telling z when I would take all I could, she would lie and deny it, and he would always, ALWAYS believe her. (In fact, still does most of the time) I was too ashamed to tell my Mom. I definitely couldn't tell my dad or the rest of my family. They were all pretty much set against the marriage in the first place. And I was determined to make it work. My Mom had no idea of the extent of how bad things were until she came to visit me here in Bahrain in 1999 after my almost dying 3 times within 2 -3 months. Mama came to take care of me, because she knew without my saying that I was basically on my own here. Within 3 days, mama took me aside and told me she was pissed at me, pissed for not telling her what and how I've been living for years and years. At that point 9 years. Pissed at me suffering in virtual silence and not telling her. After 2 weeks, after the 3 days traveling it took her to get her, she wanted to turn around and go back home, but stayed because I had to have another surgery. Monster would love to throw the vacuum at my mom and tell her to go clean. Or go pick my dirty clothes out of the dirty laundry and toss them at my mom and tell her "go wash". Then, while mama was here, is when I caught her, finally, stealing money from my wallet with my own eyes.

The only time I have ever gone after verbally her was when she said anything against my mom. (She is jealous of my mom because my mama is everything, HONESTLY, that Monster is not and wishes to be. My mama is platinum blond, NATURALLY, big blue eyes, gorgeous high cheekbones, peaches and cream skin, really cute figure - 5'7-, great natural nose, 1000 watt smile and she lights up a room when she walks in. Men are drawn to her like bees to honey, and she does nothing to anyone. She is so good hearted and generous. Oh yeah, and Mama is about 17 years younger than her too.) Anyway, saying anything about my mom, like calling her a w*ore, THAT would send me over the edge and make my hand itch to smack her, which I never did but I will admit it was a close one once or twice..

It really began within days of our return from our honeymoon.

She didn't allow any photo of me in the house. Not even a wedding photo. I wasn't allowed to cook. The groceries that my husband's money (and mine too!) bought? I wasn't allowed to touch them. Here is a list of my grievous complaints: I drank too much milk. My solution, I'll buy extra. Except that she didn’t like me using HER fridge. Or HER plates. OR HER glasses. OR HER pots and pans. I used too much shampoo and conditioner. (Hello? My hair is THICK AND LONG?!!) I bought my own. And the toilet paper. And the Coke or Pepsi. And bread. AND fruit. AND cheese. And…cleaning solutions (I am a clean freak, and cannot stand dust. She is the OPPOSITE. The stove had thick hard sticky grease on it that took ME 4 days to scrape off) My solution was to buy my own stock of pretty much everything with my own salary so I wasn't wasting her son's money, as she said. I have repeatedly heard that nothing is mine, but all her son's. sofa. Chair fridge. Tv. Curtains. Dishes. Cups. Etc… its just ffing ridiculous.

I wasn't allowed to make him a cup of coffee or tea. Or give him a glass of water. (Catrina. Back me up. You've seen this first hand.) If I wanted to cook something for my husband and the rest of the family (ie: her and my brother in law), I had to give her at least ONE week's notice, then go buy my own ingredients and not use the ones already in the house. If I tried to watch something on TV, the second I looked mildly interested, she would change the channel. Catrina has seen this too and more.

We went visiting some of their friends and I had juuuust enough of the language to understand that she was entertaining the gathering at large with her stories of being on the other side of the door when we were making love. In detail. I. Wanted. To. Die. Right. There. It's bad enough she was listening at the door, but to TELL A ROOMFULL OF PEOPLE????? It was her opinion that her son was not noisy enough, so I must not be any good. Hmmmmm. Where is a sinkhole when you need one, I ask?

The tons of wedding gifts we received? Were stored in the garage. I didn't get to use ONE SINGLE thing, was not allowed (other than the odd picture frame or vase in my own room) until I had been married six years.

She would go through my room, take everything out of the closet and drawers, throw it in mountains in the floor of my bedroom, throw tons of my stuff away without asking, and tell me to clean it all up. This would be waiting for me when I crawled in from work. Often. Did I mention that I am a OCD neat freak? My closet is organized by color. Long sleeve with like, then short sleeve. Work, and casual. Etc… even my underwear drawer is like this. So it is NOT as if my room and closet and things were a mess or anything.

Z and I worked separate shifts. He worked nights. When he got home, ( we lived in a 4-story condo counting the garage). I would be waiting for him all dolled up in pretty lingerie in our room, and she? Would be waiting to start the second the garage door leading into the house was opened. It would be a goddamn report with LOTS of drama and stuff. By the time he got up the 3 flights of stairs to me, with her trailing behind him, more often than not, he would walk in upset with me. And I would be looking at him pretty much dazed and confused.

He would also receive, nightly, a detailed report of my activities, whether he wanted it or not. "C came home from work. She had two bags from xyz grocery store, and she bought (rattles off list) and I think she bought some other things she took upstairs to the room. Then she got a phone call. I don't know WHO it was. That lasted 15 minutes. Then she came down. Drank _____. Ate_____. Watched TV for 30 minutes, then the phone rang, she talked for HALF AN HOUR, maybe it was her mom? Then after that, another phone call, but for 5 minutes only. Then she went back upstairs. Took a shower FOR 20 MINUTES! SO LONG! (again, I have a ton of hair, y'all). I think she washed her hair, because I heard the blow-dryer, then she came down and left the house. I don't know where she went. An hour later, she came back with 3 bags from Target, and I think one from a book store, cause the bag had a book on the outside). Then she drank tea. Got another phone call, I think it was that pregnant one (Catrina) Sometimes Catrina would get URGENT cravings for hot fudge mint choc chip sundae cravings and there was this old Mom & Pop coffeeshop in Pasadena that had the best one you ever had in your LIFE with homemade hot fudge and homemade mint choc chip ice cream. It seems that She would tell EVERYONE that I was going to meet a lover probably. Finally, when I found out, I said "I doubt it unless my lover is a 7 month's pregnant woman, which..... ew, I don't swing that way!"

I think that I should say that in the early years of my marriage, hell, for most of my marriage until maybe 4-5 years ago, I rarely went anywhere on my own unless I was with Z. Unless it was with my Mom or his. One major exception to this was Catrina when she was pregnant. I was her sidekick through this pregnancy. I was so damn excited about her baby you can't imagine. My going, or not going out, was a personal choice, not one that was imposed on me by anyone. I was just so wrapped up in my husband that I preferred to be with him; it wasn't very fun for me otherwise.

There is one other thing. For years, I rarely went ANYWHERE, and I mean ANYWHERE with my husband without Monster. I'm serious. The 7-11 on the corner. The grocery store. To the gas station. To the MOVIES. To DINNER. Out to pick up a pizza. To COSTCO. To the Bank. Mailbox. Pharmacy. Doctor. Just to go out for a drive. And the very few times we DID leave her ass at home? There would be hell to pay for DAYS. Literally. And then? I noticed that our excursions out would coincide with long distance calls on the phone bill to Bahrain.

Apparently she was SO pissed she would call HERE, on the OTHER SIDE OF THE PLANET, to complain about it, when she got through calling her daughter down the street. An innocent outing for us to, say, Target then the gas station, and to pick up a pizza on the way home? Would end up costing us a $80.00 phone call at least. Sometimes upwards of $200. For ONE PHONE CALL. When I moved here I heard about it and how everyone was shocked that she would call because "you guys didn't take her to the movies with you". This is NOT including the SHREIKING, Screaming, howling, hitting herself, throwing things GORILLA FIT she would have when we got home.

I (now) truly believe that it is not just me. That whomever he married, she would have a problem with, regardless of nationality. I do not think that it is a culture thing, which I will get into in a minute. Frankly, if he had married a Persian girl, and I know many Persian girls – and the ones I've met, and it has been MANY- that wouldn't put up with her crap.

As is, I think it is more telling that she really has NO friends, and her own children and grandchildren have very little, if anything, to do with her. People have to drive by our house to get to her granddaughter's house. Do any of them stop? Her own daughter? No. Her granddaughters? No. Do they call? Rarely, if ever. No one can stand to be around her. She makes everyone miserable when she is around, which is why no one comes around.

I've done so much for her. More for her than her kids were doing for her. I would get off work (Z and I worked different shifts) and come home and tell her to go change, I was going to take her out. At least 5 nights a week, to do whatever she wanted.

I learned Persian mainly so that I could communicate with her, since we were living together and she refused to learn mine. THAT was both a curse and a blessing, speaking her language.

I thought maybe it was the fact that I was a foreigner, and that if I turned myself into the closest thing to a Persian girl I could, she would love me. I thought THAT was it. SO I learned the language. I can dance their different regional dances (better than many Iranians too!). I TAUGHT MYSELF to cook the food since she refused to teach me. There are very few dishes I don’t cook, and that is a HUGE repertoire- good enough that Persian natives have told me I should open my own Persian Restaurant. That didn't work either.

Then I thought if I gave her a grandchild, then she might love me just a little. Or at least be nice to me. Didn't work. She saw my child as a tool to use against me.

I've spent my whole day off driving her all over Southern California taking her to doctor's appointments when her own kids flat out refused to do so, and her grandkids too, then making a pleasant day of it by taking her to her own community for lunch and shopping. Then a nice 2 and a half hour drive in traffic home, then she would hop on the phone to her daughter that lived DOWN THE STREET and I would hear her say "ME? I didn't do anything today." WTF?? I did this for her even when I was 9 months pregnant in 110 degree temps that summer. Vomiting and getting car sick, having to pull over to the side of the road to puke every 15 minutes or so till we got there, because that's about the maximum time I could handle the nausea.

I used to believe my husband for many, MANY years when he made different excuses for her odd behavior. His favorite was "She's old, she's illiterate", and I believed it. He was lying to me. I can honestly say that if I had any inkling she would be like this, that my life would be like this, or, if I understood their language at that point, I don't think I would have married him, even as head over heels delusional and so full of hopes and dreams as I was then.

Anyway, I believed him and his excuses, making myself accept this strange ass stuff until I came HERE! Until I met her family in Iran. Until I met people that knew her when she was YOUNG.

Turns out she's always been like this, and her blood family is not a whole hell of a lot better!

I have met people that knew my husband from the time he was very young and they said "they were such sweet boys, we often wondered how they ever came out of a woman like that!". I don't instigate any of these conversations at all, they usually start with "We've known her for years, you poor thing! She still lives with you?"

Looking back on our early relationship, when we were engaged, there was one incident that I kind of blew off at the time, with the help of Z purposely not telling me what was being said. It was our first Valentine's Day together, and he knew that I had always wanted a Persian cat. A cream one in particular. So, one night, after I got off work, when I got to his house, I heard this noise. I see something doing laps on the dining room chairs and he told me it was my Valentine's present. It was a cream colored Persian cat.

Monster threw the BIGGEST hissy fit that he spent that much money on me (I understand now, but didn't know what the hell her problem was at the time). I mean, we were engaged, and he was making pretty good money. What is the big deal? If he bought me anything, for anniversary, Christmas, birthday, any occasion, she would have a fit. And start throwing stuff. If he bought me jewelry, he bought for her also, then she threw it across the living room because the stone in mine was nicer she thought. No matter what I said to her, the most benign, innocent thing you could think of, like "Oh how blue the sky is today!" she would go and start gossip saying, "Can you BELIEVE she said the sky is black and is gonna rain."

This could go on for tons more. But it boils down to this: She has told me she wants him to divorce me. This she has said it often and right up in my face. And she went on to say she won't rest until he does. It doesn't matter that I have stood by her son and loved him with everything I have in me. Given all I have to give, financially, mentally, physically. Supported him and helped him through complete and total bankruptcy when he lost his job weeks after Ari was born, where he lost everything. (since nothing was in my name) And I mean everything. I swallowed my pride when I was breastfeeding Ari and went to WIC, for government help and coupons for milk, beans, cheese, cereal, etc.. so that my milk, at least, would be rich for Ari. Meanwhile trying to do everything I could; running from court to court trying to delay the inevitable. She cares about nothing, except herself. Problem is. I'm stubborn and determined, and that is probably why, along with, admittedly, a big old dose of stupidity, that I am still here. I looked at it as her winning, if I leave. Her getting her way.

I've done my best. And I truthfully can say, I have done NOTHING to deserve this.

Well, if you've made it to the bottom of this post, thanks for continuing to read.

I'm certain the next one will be more… cheerful.

2005-05-18T23:09:00.000+03:00

It's COMING!

Patience is a virtue, my Mama always said.

I'll give you a little tease of my Confession this week, shall I?

Here's the question I got from Carrie Jo this week:

My Q is: Do you always wear matching bra and undies or do you care? Weird question, but some women are really into that and some (like me) could care less usually but sometimes I like to match.

Actually Carrie Jo, I'm quite a bit like you for the most part but probably a bit more anal. I used to be more into it than I am now. It's not so much that I care, but that it's a habit.

But old habits DO die hard. SO, usually, even if it isn't a matching set, per se, if it's a white bra, white undies. Black bra, black undies. Pink, etc.. More often than not tho, it depends on what I'm wearing.

What's weird is that lately? I've been matching my undies to my nightie. which makes no sense since I refuse to, um, sleep in a nightie! Hell if I know why I do this.

And that, my darling, is your answer!

The rest to come later on. See you in a bit!

2005-05-16T17:34:00.000+03:00

Oh NO!

Hell. I've gone and done it again! *Sigh*

I completely forgot to ask for Inquisition questions this week. So. Please, GIVE ME SOME, hmmm???

Questions! I meant QUESTIONS! What AM I going to do with you all? *flutters eyelashes*

Damn work. It totally distracts me from the more important things in life... like blogging.

Everyone, get your questions in, and I'll give you your answer as soon as humanly possible.

Also, as a side note. To all you bloggers out thereI would like your valued opinion, if you don't mind. What do you prefer? Movable type or TypePad or something else altogether? I would greatly appreciate any advice you would like to give me. Now keep in mind that html is not my forte, so I need to consider something user friendly.

2005-05-15T17:12:00.000+03:00

Dazed and Confused (more than usual)

My only excuse today is.... I had a crappy day at work.

Boss was being SNIDE to everyone, including me, and ballsy broad that I am? I didn't just take it. I politely pointed out that... well, he was "misinformed". (read: out of his fu*king mind WRONG)

It was one of those kind of days that NEVER seem to pass, which is rare for me,especially here at this job.

So, this afternoon I find myself sending my friend emails to work, to which I usually get a pretty prompt response (damn firewall, IM isn't available here, sob!) but I kept wondering why no reply? After about email no 3,one of which was "Monday greeting" where I was getting progressively more and more smart-ass, as usual, I realized one itsy problem.....

It's SUNDAY.

Make sure you guys don't pull anything while you're laughing at me, hmmm?

2005-05-14T09:58:00.000+03:00

Smile

Here are a few things that give me a 'feel good' feeling, sure to get my undivided attention, and bring a smile to my face and a happy, peaceful feeling:

The sight of a big jet plane taking off from a runway in the distance. I've been fascinated with planes since I was a toddler. "Mama, Daddy, AIPANE! AIPANE!!!" was commonly heard from me even if I only heard one overhead.
A BIG flag - any flag basically- rippling and undulating in the wind.
Windows down in the car, my face leaning into the wind-preferably with me in the passenger seat so I can close my eyes and enjoy it. I'm such a dog, huh?
A sunset
A soft breeze caressing my face and blowing through my hair
Wiggling my bare toes in springy grass
The laughter of a small child; the giggle of an infant
A hug from my daughter
The feel of a baby in cuddled close in my arms
Remembrance of a kiss full of passion
The sound of bagpipes
Dolphins
Waves lapping or crashing on the shore
The beauty of a waterfall
An email from a friend I haven't heard from in a while
A new commenter on my blog
A song on the radio that reminds me of someone special in my heart
Being in a church - an instantaneous feeling of peace, calm, and warmth seeping through me from head to foot, like warm honey.
The purring of a cat (surprise, surprise!)
Floppy doggy and bunny ears- I've just GOT to touch and play with them, too!

What are some of yours?

2005-05-14T09:24:00.000+03:00

A One Way Ticket

Welcome to another look into a day in the life of Scarlett Cyn. I hope you're prepared and don't have a weak stomach. It started off normal, whatever THAT is.

Interesting things get said at my dinner table. Like yesterday for instance.

Sitting with my husband and daughter having a sit down meal, the conversation turned weird. Weird because Arianna was playing 200 questions. Then she told her Dad "Enough with grandma. She is really psycho and needs to GO. Why don't you DO anything about her?" Oh yeah, now I remember what brought that comment on; he was talking about getting Ari a grown-up bedset and said he would give her wrought iron daybed (that I bought, HELLO!!!!???) to his mother. and I said "Cause she is obviously staying HERE forever...." That's what brought Ari's comment on.

Anyhooo, I stayed quiet, for now, and let Ari do all the talking. And BOY did she. She told her Dad that g-ma is really mean and horrible, espcically to Mom and how bad she is. He told her to be nice. Ari came back with "Why should I? I keep trying, but she is mean to everyone but you. Look at all the stuff she does and says to Mom!" and he just looks at me with this complacent look. I told him, "She is really bad, Z. You don't see things, because she controls herself when you are around, so DON"T play the age card on me anymore." He said "Well, I never see that side, so that makes it really hard to believe. And if it's that bad, you should defend your mother." Ari said "I do! But how much can I do? What about you? You should defend her too!" (That was priceless)I said, with Ari echoing me "When you aren't around, even in the TOILET/SHOWER, taking a walk, asleep, the stuff she does, the things she says, the behaviour is absolutely horrible. Ari: "She cusses and curses all the time at mom AND me too sometimes aaaaand Shony." then Ari went on to repeat what the usual/favorite things are that get said.

Now, apparently, the scary episode at 2am where MIL was cussing at me and placing curses (literally) on my head that had me frazzled all day at work last Sunday also woke Ari up. The witch was ooooozing evil- it was an actual presence, like how a high level of humidity feels- and it really, REALLY shook me up, even though I didn't let it show. I was also contemplating telling her off in return, but (!) It was some seriously skeery sh*t people! (Every time she does it this particular way, at this time of night, bad, really bad stuff happens to me. Every. Time. Sh*t like a miscarriage when I didn't know I was even pregnant (a miracle in itself), deathly ill-literally- I almost died a few times in a short span of months; I lost a job and financally was in very bad shape....for NINE MONTHS, serious car accidents where I was hospitalized for a week, shall I continue?) and she was behaving the way that used to give me night terrors about her stabbing me with a kitchen knife as I slept and scrawling my blood on the walls, so my tongue was kind of tied. I was also kind of afraid that if I lost my temper what I would do without anyone awake to interevene.

Anyway, did I forget to tell y'all about that episode the other night? Maybe because I was too freaked to re-live it so soon. Could be.

So. It seems that this woke Arianna up, and she proceeded to tell her dad this, that she was just sitting up in her bed in the dark, listening and repeated what she heard. He just shook his head and said "well... I don't see that side.." and Ari and I both looked at each other in exasperation and I said "wake UP." He said "Well, give me proof. Buy one of those little recorder things and tape her. Wait, you already have one." I said "She stole it ages ago. Remember? I bought it when Ari was little to record her babblings and giggles and whatnot to have forever. Remember? She took it AND the tapes, and then taped over them ALL, putting them in her answering machine that she DOES NOT KNOW HOW TO USE." to which Ari said "Yeah, I've seen it, the little black Sony one." Z: ----blank stare. Then I reminded him of the VIDEO I shot one morning. Nothin.

Then he said "Well, no one lives forever..." and I said "She will. She's doing a damn good job of it so far." to which Ari said something in such a blase, resigned, world weary tone, that the way,combined with the comment itself, made me choke on the bite of food I just put in my mouth.

Ready for the genuis that is my 10 1/2 year-old-going-on-40 daughter?

"Oh well, she's going STRAIGHT TO HELL ANYWAY. A One way ticket somewhere-finally."

No kidding! Amen.

*(A disclaimer: all conversations in this post were in normal speaking volume-excecpt for MIL's part. A discussion. It was NOT an argument. I don't allow that at my table!)

2005-05-13T00:34:00.000+03:00

Sleep Tight

A few observations as I ready myself (and the house) for bed.

My husband once upon a time used to tell me "good night" at the very least while stumbling off to bed. Now, I think he is going to the bathroom and then I realize he is sound asleep in bed. So much for manners!

My daughter is at that 'quirky' (how I hate that term, but hell! It applies.) age where sometimes she wants lovin from Mama before bed and a story (Harry Potter usually!) or a song. Those nights are becoming few and far between. Usually when I insist on (duh!) installing some manners in her, ie: saying good night to your mom and dad, she balks. Oh. Joy.

In my mind, the score is 0 - 2 in the opposing team's favor.

I kind of sadly realized that Garfield, (remember him? He is getting freaking HEWGE, Y'all. So grown into the name. 100% Even the WALK.) and Bandit, my two little furball boys have set a bedtime routine. If I'm up too late, one of them comes, walks onto my shoulder down to my breasts and flops down for a snooze, after looking me in the eyes and meowing at me like "Yo! MOM! Get your butt in bed NOW! I wanna snuggle. SEE?" after which heproceeds to have a nice nap on. my. tits. people! This is cute now, but what about when he is full grown? I mean, yeah, there is plenty of room, but jeez! Not that much!

Anyhow, Garfee and Bandit escort me to the bedroom, follow me around like the secret service -one on each side-or something, until finally escorting me between the sheets. Then? Lots of purring and.. Bandit between the pillows with his chin on my shoulder. Garfield stretched out above my head playing with my hair until one of us passes out.

Fine. Excecpt, I just discovered one of the other girls snores like a freightratin. OH. My Heavens.

Meow! I'm off to bed now. Good Night darlings!

2005-05-12T20:35:00.000+03:00

S.H.I.T. & Answers

Hi there everyone! All I can say is SHIT. So Happy It's Thursday! Yeeeeeee-haawwwww!! Here Thursday is like Friday everywhere else. WHOOOOT. A big shout out to one of my favoritest people in the whole world for helping me find an appropriate tagline for Thursdays on short notice. That's what a friend will do for you, yep! (By the way, SHUT UP about favoritest not being a real word. It is today.) heee. Thanks darlin, you're the BEST!

Sorry for the delay, but things have been crazily hectic at work the last couple of days and I’ve dragged myself home completely exhausted. Too exhausted, sadly, to even glance at my home PC to post my answers. I’m sure you all can say “Been there, done that!” and understand.

So, without further ado, lets cut to the chase, shall we?

Cheryl b asked:

If it was up to you what would Arianna be when she grows up? And none of this "she can be whatever she wants to be". I KNOW that you will let (and help) her to do what it is that SHE wants. What does she currently want to do with her life?

Of course you are right Cheryl b, I will let and help her do what SHE wants to do with her life (well, as long as it’s legal!). She is actually at that age, 10 ½ where she is back and forth about what she wants to do.

She already talks about going to college, which she wants to do back home in the US, but not necessarily what subject she wanted to persue. She even had planned to go to live in my Nana’s house-which belongs currently to my Aunt Arlene- in Long Island (Nana passed away almost 10 years ago) and maybe go to Stonybrook University which is 5 minutes from the house. Then one day last year she caught me kind of upset after I read an email from my aunt that she was considering selling the property. I’ve got a lot of nostalgia and memories in that house. My father helped build it with his own hands when he was 18-19 years old. His step-father’s (Aunt’s dad) thumb is in the foundation even! Arianna looked at me all sad and said “That SUCKS mom! I hope not. Cause then where are we gonna stay when I’m in college?” This is when I heard her whole master plan. I must say I was quite impressed that she had things this deeply thought out. She has mentioned several times she’d like to be a scientist or perhaps something in the medical field. I mentioned that maybe if she decided to go into medicine that she might like to consider something in the reproductive field, seeing as how I fight with infertility and she herself is a result of it, and if there wasn’t these medicines and doctors, I wouldn’t even have her. She thought it a valid point to consider and she got it right off. “That way Mom, I can help people have kids that have problems like you and some of your friends.”

Precisely darling!

That being said, about six months or so ago, she told me in the car (for some reason, she loves having deep conversations when it is just me and her in the car) “Mom, if I tell you what I want to be when I get older, you promise you won’t get mad?” I told her no. She hmmmmd and haawwwwed for a bit, throwing hints. But she said she was toying with the whole acting thing. She completely idolizes Hillary Duff, by the way, and the fact that she makes “decent” movies. I said to her “I’m not mad, I actually think you would probably be a good actress (she has some scary-serious natural talent), and my only remark is this. If you decide to follow this, it’s probably a shame I moved you away from Los Angeles. She was pleasantly surprised.

Like I said, whatever she wants to do. I just prefer that she not struggle any more than necessary and have a good enough job so that she doesn’t have to depend on anyone else, but be able to take good care of herself as an adult. But I guess that’s what every parent wants for their child.

Anonymous asked me:

What is your opinion on Mt. St. Helens today?

Okaaaaaay Anon. I think that Mt. St. Helen’s is going to erupt in a big way and fairly soon. In fact, geologically speaking, how she has been behaving in the past 6 months or so, I’m frankly surprised it hasn’t blown it’s lid yet.

How’s that? And thanks for asking, whomever you may be!

Pirate Wench (Wenchie) asked me:

If you could relive your senior prom, without changes, would you? Why or why not?

Aw HELL NO, woman! I got stood up for prom.

My STUPID ASSHOLE date apparently was hanging out with his friends earlier that day, got stoned (I found out 2 years later) and forgot everything. I was really pissed. I kept calling his house when he was really late and no one would give me a straight answer. It would be a cold day in hell before I went stag, considering I had planned to go with a guy that was a year or two older. I finally gave up and changed from my clothes and went out to a horribly expensive dinner with my best friend instead.

The fillet mignon I had that night was particularly tasty, so no, I wouldn’t change that part of the evening one bit!!

Well, thanks for dropping by. See ya!

2005-05-10T14:08:00.000+03:00

Finally

Sombody kiss me. I'm officially permanent at my job as of 1 hour ago!

The other day my boss handed me a blank performance appraisal and told me "How do you think you've done?" me: *blank stare* then, the quick save "I"ve done quite well, I think!". Jeez y'all, what did he think I would say? I don't know why I'm still here? I mean REALLY NOW!

So I did what any intelligent person would do. I filled out the form myself and handed it in to him the next morning for discussion.

First, he laughed at my audacity, to which I pointed out one of my positive points "Is pro-active;takes initiative" Granted, I did fill out one or three little things in the "Areas of Improvement" section. I was frankly stumped on how to re-word "Get it through CEO's thick, habitually-late-couldn't-be-on-time-to-his-own-funeral skull that when I gently remind him 5 times that he really must leave for that appointment, like, 15 minutes ago because there is traffic- OHMYGOD LOOK DOWN AT THE TRAFFIC OUTSIDE YOUR WINDOW FOR HEAVENS SAKE ITS LIKE A PARKING LOT-MOOOOVVVEEEEEE!", then he tells me later: "you have to manage me and make sure I leave!" and I somehow manage to keep myself from leaping for his throat with claws extended but not, I fear, stop myself from staring at him goggle-eyed in shock because I literally walk in, after about the 3rd or 4th reminder and, depending on who if anyone is inside with him, I take his blazer off the hanger on the back of the door, walk over to him and pick up his mobile phone and hold them both out to him, arms extended while backing towards the door.

So, I worded it to read like this: "Needs to managed CEO better with regard to scheduled meetings/appointments." Although, I honestly don't know what else I could do unless........

I think I just gave myself carte blanche to drag him out by his ears, didn't I? Woohooo! Love that!

Now then, ranking myself for the key points of the company philosophy: scale of 1-5 1 being unsatisfactory and 5 being excellent, 4 being very good, etc..) I rated myself all 4's and 5's. This illicited a grin from him when reading it. I could have put all 5's, but he is a tough cookie, so I took it easy on him. hee hee. Two things I didn't skimp on were a) Personal Characteristics and core Skills and b) Interpersonal Qualities/Communication and c) job knowledge. THOSE were all a 5.

The best thing of all? He didn't change ANY OF IT, but instead added positive and good comments to it in writing. Verbally he looked at me,grinned and said "Congratulations! You are officially permanent. That is saying a lot, because I do not make people permanant easily. You have met my admittedly high expectations and surpassed them." Lord knows he is right. He has let TWO members of senior management go before they could finish 5 weeks with the bank! I thanked him, shook his hand, took my review, and hightailed it out of the office!

Finally, thank GOD, some form of stability. Amen.

2005-05-10T12:46:00.000+03:00

Ewwwwwww!!!

I have been noticing a very strange occurance while driving lately. It seems that, I'd say, about 80% of the people I see in my rearview mirror are picking their noses.

And not just the unobtrusive style picking of the nose either. I mean, if they dig any deeper they might be mining diamonds, or drilling for oil. This morning I saw a guy behind me with half his index finger crammed, hook style up his nostrils, first one, then the other-over and over again. Apparently it was a particulary stubborn booger. 7am is WAAAY too early for me to see this. (traffic was like a parking lot, so not too much else to do particulary when I almost got rear-ended by the nose picker who was too busy drilling his schnozz to hit the brakes!)

Actually, any time of day is the wrong time for me to see this. Then imagine this dude goes to work and shakes hands with people? My boss is a compulsive hand shaker. I wonder if he also is a nose picker?

OMIGOD! Somebody pass me the Lysol Spray, QUICK! and while you're at it, post me some questions!

Meanwhile, I'll go wash my hands with scalding water.

2005-05-09T21:09:00.000+03:00

Guess What?

I have to admit it.

I know you're out there reading my blog, right now. Even if you don't comment. How?

Beacause I've been nursing a secret addiction for months now. I just want y'all to know.....I'm *deep breath*... addicted to Site Meter.

I check it compulsively. Throughout the day. Just so you know?

Peek-a-boo! I see youuuu!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hi! Thanks for stopping by. Get comfy. Hang out awhile whydontcha?

2005-05-09T17:16:00.000+03:00

*Crickets Chirping*

I just wanted to get my shameless request for Inquisition questions this week out early. Or is it on time? Who knows?

Anyhoo, you can ask me a question, whatever you like, by Tuesday, 12 noon Pacific Time (for those of you that blog at work!) and then I will, hopefully, in short order answer them all.

Carrie Jo, did you want a reminder this week honey? You told me you forgot last time.

Gimmie. Gimmie.

2005-05-09T00:57:00.000+03:00

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!!!!!!!!

I'd like to wish all you Mommy's and all you Mommy-to-be's out there a very Happy Mother's Day!

But most especially, I'd like to wish my own Mama a Happy Mother's Day.

Thanks for not only teaching me all the things you did, but for raising me right and with loads of love, caring and understanding. You always seem to know right when I need you, no matter the distance between us. Be it 10 minutes or 10,000 miles away.

Thank you for being the best role model in so many ways to me. You taught me by example how to be a good Mom, loyal friend, dedicated worker, and all-round decent (I think) person. To keep a promise given, always love with all my whole heart, to smile and laugh through the pain, be it physical, mental or emotional, to never give up, to understand the true meaning of sacrifice for the sake of others, and to be gracious in defeat. I've yet to meet a more genuine person than you. Some come close, but somehow, not quite the same. The beauty you have outside pales in comparison to the beauty within your heart and soul.

I've always thought that if I could be half as good a person as you are, then that would be more than most people could ever be. It's a tall order to fill, but I'm still trying!

Thanks for everything. There are not words enough to express how much I love you and admire you for all that you are. You're one special lady, today and every day.

I love you Mama....forever and ever.

2005-05-09T00:42:00.000+03:00

Wandering Thoughts

Does anyone else occasionally yearn for the days when your greatest worry was trying to figure out:

a) How many licks DOES it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?
b) What Mom was making for dinner.
c) When Dad would get home from work
d) How to convince mom/dad to let you stay up an extra half hour.

I know I do. Like today for instance. Who knew back then what a pain in the ass it sometimes is to be an adult?

Now I'm Mom and I'm wondering - on the way home from work- what in the HELL am I going to make for dinner and too brain fried to put much-ok, any!!- concentration into it. Then later, trying to figure out how to get to bed a half an hour EARLY. (which I never seem to do!)

Sigh. I didn't realize how good I had it.

Although, to be completely honest? I sometimes do wonder how many licks it takes...............

...............to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop, you sickos!

Damn! Get your minds out of the gutter! There's only room for me in the gutter today, and I'm doing laps!

2005-05-07T22:03:00.000+03:00

The Inquisition Confession - Week 23 (or something)

It's that time of the week again. The time when I unleash the bits and pieces that make me, me at your request. Sometimes the questions are easy to answer, others? I have to reach back in my memory and dig out, and occasionally it takes a lot of nerve for me to post the answer at all. God help you all, it's a long one this week.

But I always do. So. To this week's questions:

Catrina asked me :

Have you ever bought something from the Home Shopping Network on television?

Nope honey, I sure haven't. Not that I haven't been tempted and come damn close several times.

I had a funny feeling someone might ask me what Wenchie did this week:

How did you and your husband meet?

We met on the way to a gay club.

I bet THAT got your attention, now didn't it?

Actually, in LA? At least back then, I'd found, the best music, least hassle, and most fun is in the gay clubs. You can let your hair down and have a good time dancing without worrying about feeling like you're in a meat market. (Back me up here, Cat! HELP!) Well, in my case, except for the odd lesbian that grabbed my ass once or twice, but that's neither here nor there.

Soooooo, anyway, I was very good friends in college with Z's younger brother for at least 8 months and I had heard a lot about this older brother, but had never met him, (who happened to be gay) and a bunch of friends were going out dancing that night, and I was invited to come along. At the time I was taking more than a full load of classes day and night, AND working full time as well and had just dragged my tired ass in from a night class. They kept insisting I come along, and I said "I'm really not in the mood to drive all that way" and they said oh, don't worry! C's brother is gonna drive us! So, I said "I finally get to meet the elusive "Z", huh? Well, ok, I'll come." I got ready and eventually they showed up.

He was driving his jeep, I hopped in the backseat with my pal Bonnie after a brief introduction to Z and off we all went, music blaring to go meet our friends at the club. Sitting behind Z, every now and then I caught him looking at me in the rearview mirror (which he still denies vehemently to this day!), but I didn't think much of it. So…….

It was really fun. A big group of us dancing, then later we all went to a huge booth and started talking. Z and I started talking, and we kind of 'clicked', even though he was going on and on about the breakup of his relationship and about the girl he had been seeing (he denies this too- SO delusional, poor schmuck). I distinctly remember thinking to myself, "What the hell am I? Dr. Ruth? Every single guy friend I've been talking to lately has been talking to me about his relationship problems!?UGH." On and on he went about the breakup of the relationship…yadda yadda yadda….but still and all, we got along really well. Like I said, we 'clicked'.

The next day in class, C told me "you know? I've NEVER seen my brother click like that with anyone before! I think he really likes you." After that, Z and I went from friendship to dating at light speed. There wasn't one day that we didn't see each other. It's all kind of a blur, honestly. I kept on dating him even after I found out he dragged me to his ex's work to show me off to make her jealous-which she WAS. (AFTER I ripped him a new orifice or two for using me like that). I can't even define when things changed between us from friend to more than that, but I know it was more than a month till he kissed me. (I remember thinking he must not like me that way-other than as a friend- since he hadn't made a move of any kind up to that point.). One night he told me how much he liked me and I said "you're kidding? I thought you didn't like me in that way!" and he said "Why on Earth would you think that?" I said "You haven't even tried to give me even the smallest kiss!". He told me he had decided to take it slow. Well, up until that point, anyway. Next thing I knew, I was being kissed out of my mind! Heh. So much for taking it slow. He went from not kissing me at all, to taking any opportunity to do so. More often than not, I would find myself backed against a wall being kissed senseless when no one was around.(which wasn't all that often at his house, people were always over and monster and brother living there too!) He loved those sneaky, blow-your-mind kisses. Ok, ok. So did I. I am still fond of them, whenever I get one. My favorite memory? We went down to the garage to go somewhere (it was a condo), I don't remember where, he looked at me, then in my eyes, and next thing I knew, he had me seated up on the jeep bonnet, standing between my knees, hands in my hair, and his mouth plastered to mine. When HE was done, he helped me down, and got me seated in the jeep somehow. Talk about blow-your-mind! Whooh.

Even after I found myself developing feelings for him, I recall devoutly praying he wouldn't turn out to be a jerk in the end like so many others. He tended to do sweet things that really appealed to me. He would come visit me at work, just because he missed me, with a rose in hand. Once he surprised me with a bottle of perfume 'because it smelled like you, to me". Ahhhh, those were the days.

I had promised myself I would NEVER be the first one to say the words "I love you" ever again. The death-knell with most men, those 3 little words. Then one night he dropped me off at Bonnie's to get my car, and as I hopped out of the passenger seat, those very words exploded from his mouth: "Good night! I love you.". I froze, then slowly turned around to look at him, not sure I'd heard correctly. He looked horrified like he wanted to bang his head against the steering wheel or something in disbelief.

One thing that made me look at him as more than a friend was something he told me late one night when we were talking. (That was one thing I liked. We could talk about anything back then.) He told me about his eldest sister and her husband and how much he HATED him for fucking around on his wife (Z's sis). I said "Are you sure?" He said "from a very young age, I saw him with his hand up my other sister's SIL's (got that?) skirt working her with a fervor. I was about all of 9 years old. He tried to blackmail me with money and candy to keep my mouth shut. Even then I wouldn't have told her. Later as I got older, when I moved here to the States, he got me jobs where he worked under the condition I not say we're family. So, my co-workers not knowing that this dork is my brother-in-law, were talking about him screwing this co worker and that, Male and female. Anything he could get INTO he would do. I hate him for screwing around on my sister. The whole family does. But we can never tell my sister, because it would kill her. And she's in denial about him besides." I looked at him in a totally different light from that moment on. I'd been cheated on in the past, and, emotional baggage and all, was really afraid of getting hurt again. I figured that someone that was that incensed over infidelity would probably never cheat on me. (His ex had cheated on him too, btw, and that's why he broke up with her.) I thought, I could marry a person like this.

We met March 21. He asked me to marry him June 21. We were engaged for about a year and a half. So, basically, it's all my BIL C's (Shayda's) doing, my marriage, when you get right down to it. He was even our best man.

What's funny is that most everyone that knew us, all the people he worked with too, we're all betting it wouldn't last more than 1 year. (The ex and her friends gave us 6 months, actually.) That I would get fed up with his shit-cause, well, he CAN be a real bastard when he wants to and likes to mind fuck with people and push every last button (although at the time, he really didn't do that with me)- and we'd divorce. C still talks to z's ex every now and then, and her ass is still burning. She STILL asks "are they STILL married?" all snide like. Even with his mother's daily OUT LOUD chanting prayers that he divorce me (even telling Ari this) and doing her best to make it happen I was determined to show them all…….

And here I sit over 14 years later, somewhat worse for wear, tortured by a truly evil woman, emotionally worn out more often than not, but still here. But, I've worked my ass off in this marriage to make it last as long as it has, to make it work. No one can ever say I didn't, cause they would be lying through their teeth Damn me, but I'm a stubborn, determined, obstinate wench. Stubborn, stupid, whichever way you want to look at it, I suppose.

It'll probably be my undoing eventually, you know?

Next question. Last question.

Ah, Cheryl b.; I love her. I really do. Sometimes she's so predictable. (Once upon a time she worked in a s*x shop, you understand?) SO that is why I say she is 'predictable', so to speak. Don't believe me? Check out what she asked me *snicker* :

Do you own a vibrator? If so, what kind?

I could have sworn I had this conversation on IM with someone, and I mistakenly thought in my muddy memory it was Cheryl, but now, on further consideration, I remember it was …. Carrie Jo.

No Cheryl honey, *sobs* I don't own one. *whimper, sob, sniffle* They don't sell them here where I live and customs goes through the packages IN FRONT OF YOU at the post office. *waaaaaaaaaaaah* Can you just imagine if they whipped one of those out of a box at the PO? Sweet Lord.

*Stomps feet like 2-year old* (hee heee) I don't. I don't. I don't.have.one… more's the pity. Unlike SOMEONE I know that received FOUR for Christmas last year. Look babe, you have got to get ME in good - or put in the good word for me at least woman! - with Santa for this year! Hook me up, yo!

But hey, I'm not against a 'care' package!

Well, thanks one and all for the questions this week. Sorry I didn't get my replies up sooner. Work was a tad bit hectic this week. I'll do better next week, I promise.

2005-05-06T19:49:00.000+03:00

Entertainment and Stuff....

Lets see now, I've been requested -very politely, I might add-to post something entertaining. Let me think.....

*blank stare....crickets chirping*

Entertaining.... could that be the instantaneous onset of a migrane right after a big-ass sneeze about an hour ago? No. I don't think that's particulary entertaining.

How about Miss Scarlett, my hussy cat having kittens today? (for the record 1 solid black boy who has already been named Merlin and a black&white... girl, I think) That's mildly entertaining. Also the fascination all the other cats have with the whole birthing box thing. They are all taking turns hanging over the side and looking in, then looking at me like "What the hell?".

Still, only mildly enteratining.

What was a wee bit entertaining was the wedding reception party I attended last night. It was a bit entertaining and a wee bit sad when this older woman (early 50's) tripped on the hem of her evening gown and fell down-backwards!- in the middle of the dance floor directly in front of where I was sitting. 3 people tried to help her up but she almost took them down with her in the process. Did I mention that it was all on video? Good lord, better her than me!

Now that was actually a bit amusing.

What I find highly amusing is that when I was driving home at about 2:15am, my Mama called my mobile phone and we had a lovely chat for well over an hour. I got home about 2:35 and, since the reception is horrid in my house AND Monster likes to try and eavesdrop even though she knows next-to-nil English, so I sat in the car talking in peace, quiet, and relative privacy. What's amusing about that?

Monster spying on me from the windows, is what! And then? When I thought Mama was winding down and gonna hang up, I got out and started towards the front door from the garage with the strong wind whipping my floor length Carribbean blue organza gown and my almost waist length hair around me, still chatting. I stood at the little wrought iron gate with its arch of fuschia bourganvilia that opens onto the walkway to my front door, enoying the night, enjoying just hearing my Mom's voice when I see it, a movement at the window.

Monster's window. Once........ Twice.............. and again 10 minutes later, thrice.

Nosy old bat. I knew what she was going to do. Silly old nosy bitch.

and boy did she.

She snitched to Z this morning. Gave her typical report.. with her own evil, insuinating slant to things. Can you guess?

"Yeah, Z, "C"came home at 2:35 and then she sat in the car talking on the phone until3:00, then she got out and stood at the gate talking on the phone until about 3:15-3:20. What was she doing? Who do you think she was talking to? Hmmmm????"

This much I know she said. I don't know what else she said, because Z said to me "So, did Mom call you last night? And I said "Yeah. She said hi and sent you her love. She mailed a big summer care package of stuff for Arianna." He said "oH, what time?"

My reply? "The same time your mom told you, I'm sure, give or take 10-15 minutes." Stupid, y'all, I'm not.

I said "And the reason I stayed outside was so that I could talk to my Mother in privacy and peace without some nosey thing trying to eavesdrop and figure out what I was saying and who I was talking to." To which I recieved a simple nod.

Well darlin, that's about as entertaining as I'm gonna get this post. What can I say? It's been a slow week. But anything could happen, you know? Next post will be.......answers to the inquisition, and SOON!

2005-05-03T23:47:00.000+03:00

A Good One! Or Two.

What I love about these "reality" talk shows like Jerry Springer, for instance, are the comments from the audience.

I just HAD to share this one with you all because, well, it still has me chuckling.

Comment made to a transvestite (and an U.G.L.Y. one too, not one of those gorgeous ones!) by a really pretty female audience member:

"Honey, I know you got hit with an ugly stick, but DAYUM, did you have to hit every single branch on the way down the tree?"

bwahahahahahahaha. That IS good. I've never heard that before.

And a comment said to me today on the phone by someone (a male) trying to spell a company name to me...

Him: "P-T-D. P for Paul. T for Tree. D for... Degenerate."

Me: ------------blank look------"uhh"---------

Me: "Did you just say DEGENRATE OR AM I HEARING THINGS?"

Him: "Yeah. Degenerate. WHAT?"

Me: "Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhaaaa NO YOU DIDN"T! HAHAHAHAH DEGENERATE!??!!"
" Oh my God. Off the top of your head? "

Him: *laughing with me*"Well, what would you suggest Cyn?"

Me: "Oh I don't know, how about..... D for DOG?"

Him: "Well, I guess there is that."

Then both of us proceeded to laugh our buts off for a while longer until I eventually subsided into little giggles. Yeah. Giggles. Good thing I know him pretty well, huh? Extremely professional of me, isn't it?

As if I could control myself? As is, today, not much later, I heard one of the Sr. bosses say loudly to a manager in his office "well, your 5 minutes you asked for is up. Thanks!" to which he got up and walked out of his office leaving them sitting there.

This sent me in to fresh guffaws doubled over on my desk trying to muffle the almost shrieks escaping me.

At least my bosses like it when they make me laugh. This added to the fact that I picked up a pepsi from a fast food rest that was sitting on my desk, and the second I got the straw near me for a sip, the whole damn thing overflowed like a volcano... on my blouse, on my lap DOWN MY BLOUSE. It was like a puddle in my cleavage of Pepsi. Thank heavens my blouse was shades of brown and beige today. Poor H, my assistant, she was sitting in front of me and went into hysterics. I can't say I blame her. She told me "You should have seen your FACE!".... really, my week wanted only something like this.

Now then.

Any one have questions?

Carrie Jo? Ollie? ANYONE? Helloooooooooooooooo? Whasamatter? Yer fingers broken? Careful now, I've got a Pirate Wench friend now who'll make ya walk the plank!

I'm waitin. *twirls a lock of hair between fingers*

2005-05-03T09:24:00.000+03:00

The Brain Fart

That phrase, my friends, is the best thing to ever come out of Britney Spears' mouth. (Notice I said come out of, not go in? Heh heeeeee, I'm bad)

Anyhoo, it's the best thing Britney did because I had one, obviously,which Wenchie so adorably reminded me of. It seems I forgot - GASP!!!- to ask y'all to hit me with your Inquisition questions this week. My bad. (Why am I tempted to do a Dobby-like punishment of myself?) (for those of you with a blank look on your face, Dobby, the house elf from Harry Potter? Bashes the shit out of himself when he does something wrong with the nearest wall, or piece of furniture? Sigh. Go watch a H.P. movie, willya?)

So. QUESTIONS. BRING. THEM. ON.EVERYONE. I'm ready. (I think) Yes Wenchie, this means YOU!

2005-05-02T09:59:00.000+03:00

Now WHY Did I Do That?

I'm sure many of you have had people joke with you about putting your mobile phone on 'vibrate' and sticking it in your pocket, right? haha. Something along the lines of "the phone company will be running a test during which your cell phone will be vibrating for 10 minutes, sit on it and enjoy." or something like that. Yeah. Lord knows I have had it said to me and SMS'd it in return. I mean, it's a joke. Who the hell would actually do such a thing, right? Do you know anyone that would do such a thing? No?

Well now you do.

But I did not, I repeat DID NOT do it on purpose!!

I was at work and as a rule, I switch my mobile phone to silent. Now, whatever mode my phone may be in, it's always on "vibrate" as well, just so that I can notice it jumping around when it rings. Problem is that on this day I forgot to switch it to "silent" so it was on the usual MAX ringing volume 5 when I was talking to my assistant in my office. It started ringing loud and as there were lots of people around, including bosses, and I didn't want to get nailed for the phone ringing, I snatched up the phone with every intention of muffling the sound as best and as quickly as I could.

So I sat on it.

And then promptly jumped about a foot in my chair ("WOoooOH!") because I remembered about the whole vibration alert thing a little late. Like when it was under my buttcheek. My assistant was chuckling her head off (who could blame her, really?) and in the end I was laughing too. But hey! At least the sound was muffled and the phone didn't ring very long.

You know something? Those phones have quite a lot of kick in them!

I pray ONE of you at least can tell me they've done something almost as dumb as this. I feel like such an....ass. And a vibrating one at that!

2005-05-01T00:29:00.000+03:00

A Good Friend

Do you know what the sign of a really good friend is?

When you are feeling absolutely rotten, sad and down, moping and brooding all over the place and feeling a million miles away from the people that know and love you best. (Homesick x 100)

The phone rings, and it is your friend that lives in a completely different country on the other end of the line whose dear voice you haven't heard in ages calling for no specific reason other than to tell you how much they miss you and love you and when-oh-WHEN are you going to get around to bringing your ass over for a visit? (I'm trying honey, really, I'll be there before, oh, the end of the decade? Haha!)

That phone call is just what I needed, right when I needed it most. Never mind the fact that I was choked up by the end of the call, even as I laughed my tail off. How absolutely contradictory of me. It's amazing how much we crammed into such a short phone call particulary considering the fact that we speak in our own weird abbreviated code and double-time. .

So thanks, Breezie Lee, for the phone call. It and YOU was just what the proverbial Doctor ordered. You're a true-blue buddy and I love you for it. I was still in my funk, but feelin the love, long-distance style!

* Note to self : Must learn some Italian before visiting Breezie in Italy... whenever that will be.

2005-04-30T09:36:00.000+03:00

Red Haze Of Fury

Most all of you know I have infertility problems. That I have had these problems for the past 15 years at least. Those of you that know me personally and well, know how much I love and adore children. God above, I'm not even safe in a grocery store, since I had a hard time keeping my hands off this happy little strawberry blonde 6 month old girl I saw just an hour ago. I wanted to squeeze and kiss her to pieces, (ok, and take her home to love forever) but contented myself with talking to her and getting a big toothless smile instead.

Therefore, when I read something like this, my Irish temper, which is usually like Mt. Etna with rare but explosive eruptions, snaps. Completely and totally.

Someone let me at this bitch, PLEASE? I could pound her murderous ass to pieces using my bare hands with a smile on my face until I got tired. I'd like to grab her by that poofy bleached hair and drag her naked over hot coals mixed with broken glass. (Creative, aren't I?)What made me even more furious? That the autopsy showed that the 3 year old girl and 9 year old boy FOUGHT BACK. Or tried to.

These poor babies were fighting for their lives against... their mother who allegedly (HAH!) (for all you politically correct people out there) stabbed them EACH over 200 times. Goddammit, look at the size of your average 3 year old. How the hell is there even space to stab one over 200 times?

I'm not a person given to hate, I'm really not. I've hated, truly, about 1 or 2 people in my entire life. Even monster I don't hate, but I really dislike her INTENSLY and she disgusts me.

But this Tonya bitch? I hate her. If she hated her kids that much, she should have given them to Social Services or a relative. I've been mad as a parent, I'm sure everyone has at one point or another, but to use several different knives to hack up your own kids? That you carried in your own body? That you stayed up late with when they were teething, or sick. That give you unconditional love just because you are Mama?

What really disgusts me is that I'm sure she is going to cite "temporary insanity" and get off, or just get stuck in a mental ward somewhere. I have one hope for her....and it's called jail justice. If you don't know what it is, just remember what happened to Jeffrey Dhammer. THAT is jail justice. Scott Pe*erson will proably get his, too.

God I'm so pissed I have chest pains.

I can't belive I just ranted a whole post about this. I think I'm going to be sick.

Later babies.

2005-04-30T09:15:00.000+03:00

So Typical

"Recover Post" my ass, Blogger.com.

There is this cute little link-thingie staring at me from my blogger.com dashboard entitled "recover post". So, when I actually tried it after writing a LONG ASS POST (yes, even longer than usual to fully describe my trauma) and something went wrong, I tried to 'recover" said post with much hope.

It does NOT, repeat NOT, work, people.

But I bet you THIS post manages to get posted,huh?

WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY??????????*sob*

2005-04-28T19:50:00.000+03:00

The Post In Which I Spill My Guts

Or something like that. I think I'll cut right to the chase this week, hmmm?

Cheryl b sounds like she has had one helluva hard time lately. Check out her question this week:

Have you ever gotten so fed up with your piece of shit job that you walked out in the middle of your shift? (something I may or may not have done last night hee hee)

First things first. Cheryl b!!! What damn rock have you been hiding under, woman? I’ve missed you honeybunch! *Huuuuuuuuuuuuug*

Now to answer your question.

Hell yes. Been so fed up I almost walked out the front door. Several times. Fortunately -or unfortunately, depending on how you look at it- right as I got anywhere near the front door, I remembered the bills and the car loan payment going to be due that stopped me in my tracks. Barely. Most of the time it was when I waiting tables with Cat and trying to put my ass through school.

Cat, remember the square dancers? UGH. (“Gee, who wants the table of 25 that just crawled in 15 min to closing?”) Molly fixed them but GOOOOOD. I totally didn’t mind (ok, only a little) what she did to them. Best milkshake that boy ever had. Yeah, I bet. Goddamn Schooner Sundaes and milkshakes. I still have nightmares about that crap. Do you? Pop Quiz Cat: what’s “Sub 55”? Heh. Bet I got you.

Speaking of Cat, here’s her question:

At what age will you stop trying to get pregnant?

I’ll stop trying when :

a) they tell me I have no more eggs or they are all dried up
b) they decide that I need a hysterectomy (I hope to God not!) or I’ve hit my menopause
c) my early 40’s
d) when I’m dead.

You know how I am Cat, when I set my heart and mind on something. Determined and patient.

Hey Pirate Wench! You are safe darling, when you asked me:

Have you ever been stalked or stalked someone yourself? (I hope I haven't used this one already, or I'm going to have to resort to "If you were ice cream, what flavor would you be?")

Well, I haven’t really stalked anyone technically, although I was with a friend who was stalking this guy she had a crush on in High School, but I was truly trying to talk her out of it cause it freaked me out. So I guess you could say I was an accessory to the stalker?

I don’t think my autograph hunting really counts, because, well, I went where I knew the celebrity would be (inside info from my boyfriend, my first true love), and as they say: I came, I saw, I conquered. (If any of you are a wee bit hung over, that means I got my autograph and/or photo and left.)

Been stalked? Um, there was this guy here that was sorta stalking me for about 3 years. But in a non-threatening kind of way. He saw me at the weddings and would always try to chat me up in dark parking lots as I was leaving (with my then-young daughter- HELLO???) and I wouldn’t give him the time of day. Then one day I was in the elevator at work with him and didn’t realize it, and about 30 minutes later, he called my office looking for me. Turns out he had called every single company in the building trying to find me till he succeeded. I told him I am married and he said “So?”, which irritated me more than anything. I politelty told him to take a hike. I think he is one of Z’s distant cousins or something too. Lame, no? What a dork.

As for the flavor of ice cream I’d be…. That all depends on which flavor is most lickable. Yes, I said LICKABLE.

For the record? Can I just say that Ollie has me green with envy at her freezerful of FREE, yes FREE Dove ice-cream bar samples. But I love her anyway. Ollie baby, just remember… sharing is caring.

Well thank you my lovlies for your questions. I just LOVE IT when I get questions.

Until my next post, see ya!

2005-04-26T19:15:00.000+03:00

What's On…

This morning Z woke me up and said "You know something? You were singing in your sleep just now. You woke me up." Me, ever practical, said "What time is it? Oh. So basically you have to get ready for work anyway, hmm?" (yeah, I’m quick like this groggy and sleepy, imagine me wide awake with caffeine? Scary, huh?) Then, curious, I asked "How loud?" and he replied, "Loud enough to wake me up… and it was a slow song". Me : (in my head) So…. Loud enough to wake the dead, then. (Please understand that it took a 6.2 earthquake to wake his ass up, OK?) "Well, was I at least good?".

Hee hee heeeeeeeeeeeee.

So, further to my little nocturnal concert, I was thinking as I was driving today, -ok, when I wasn't singing-, "Hmm…. This is quite a mix of stuff, why not share the love?" And so I am. As if you give a damn. But Hey! It's my Haven, ie: I post, link, talk about, what I want, when I want. Nyah nyaaaah nyyyaaaaaaahhhhh! Every now and then when I'm surfing some of my favorite blogs, I notice that people mention what is their current playlist or what they are listening to lately and thought "why not?". I mean, I've picked up on some cool music that way!

So without further ado, the music that has me shaking my ass and other body parts, and singing my head off…. In the car, while watching a movie, listening to the radio, Italian & European Music TV (Love. It.), or, apparently, while sleeping…

Title / Artist

Keep This Fire Burning/ Beverly Knight
If There's Any Justice/ Lemar
Runaway / The Corrs
Breathless / " " (get the picture yet people?)
Best of The Corrs / The Corrs (ok, and the new CD too. Love THEM!)
*Signs / Snoop Dog featuring Justin Timberlake
*Femme Like You/ Kmaro
**I Just Wanna Live / Good Charlotte
Arms Wide Open / Creed
My Sacrifice/ Creed (Good Lord that singer is HOTT! )
*I Got It / Kevyn Lyttle
**Somebody Told Me / The Killers (it’s SO early 80’s)
**Billy Idol's Greatest Hits/ DHOH! Billy Idol (rowrrr)
*1/2 Step / Ciara featuring Missy Elliott
Someday / Nickelback
Astronaut (CD) / DuranDuran-my fave tracks,1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10..you get it Since U Been Gone / Kelly Clarkson (what? WHAT??!!!!)
Angels / Robbie Williams
No Regrets/ Robbie Williams (I love an underdog, you realize?)
*, ** Rag Doll / Aerosmith (Hell, I love me some Aerosmith too!)
Love Is Only A Feeling / The Darkness (I wonder if it hurts to hit notes like that?)
Dové L'amore / Cher (I love me some Cher like a drag queen does)
Shania Twain's Greatest Hits / Shania Twain (Yeah, I like select country music too!)
Songs About Jane (CD) / Maroon 5. All. Of . It. Y’all.

General listening from the top of my head, and I realize probably like you really give a damn…

Luna (the CD) / Allesandro Safina (Yes, Opera. SHUT. UP. DAMMIT)
Somethin Stupid / Nicole Kidman & Robbie Williams
I Will Love You / Nicole Kidman (again) & Ewan MacGregor(,drool-EWAN)
Braveheart Soundtrack/ Various
Anything sung by……/ ENYA
Marc Anthony (aka. Mr. Jennifer Lopez. waaaaahhhaa)
Ricky Martin (he makes me shake my bon bon. heh.)
Pretty much anything with a bagpipe
You name it… / Beethoven
You name it… / Tchaikovsky
Whatever show tune enters my mind……
Duran Duran / Anything sukahs! They are MY GUYS!!!!!

* Means shaking my booty, and getting DOWN, y'all! A real "ass shaker"!
** Rocking out

This is by no means a complete list. Not by a LONGSHOT. I love latin music too. Don’t even get me started. Nuh-uh. There is actually more country music too, but it’s particular songs I like as opposed to artists.

What I listen to all depends on my mood, or what I’m feeling. You might catch me listening to a double CD of Adam Ant one day, Classical the other, and Aerosmith the next.

Feel free to tell me some of your favorites. Do we share any? I’m sure I’ve forgotten to mention hundreds.

SPILL!!!!!!!!!!!!! (pretty please?)

2005-04-26T19:11:00.000+03:00

The Bird

Well dear readers, it seems we have a new take on an old favorite, courtesy of my Monster-In-Law.

It seems that I can't even go to the grocery store without some Sh*t going down at my house.

Today was a day off from school for Arianna and so she was having loads of fun with the live-in au pair I've arranged since I went back to work. Arianna really, REALLY likes her, and she is one picky kid, let me tell you! (For my peace of mind, you understand? Monster does NOT like to look after her granddaughter and throws it up in our face if she looked after her when I went to an interview or something so I said "F-her!" and arranged for the au pair, Shony. There are not babysitters like you find back home in the States, or in the West for that matter, so here? It's live-in nannies. Bless her heart, she does the laundry too!

Anyway, beyond MIL being an odd grandmonster for not liking to look after the kid, Ari doesn't like it either and it is a lot less hassle all the way around. It's worth every penny, since I have the aforementioned peace of mind. So.

You think you're safe going to the grocery store for a few items (literally), wouldn't you think? Yeah, I thought so too!

Not.

I came back 30-40 minutes later and heard the following:

1) Shony caught Monster throwing my SHOES across the (BIG) kitchen at the wall........ AGAIN. Usually she gets set off if a pair of my shoes is sitting next to Z's shoes. For some ffed up reason, this sets her off. Don't ask. Hell if I know why. Then again, if any of you have theories WHY, I'd LOVE to hear them. And speaking of clothes, personal effects, this leads me to….

2) MIL rummaging through the RUNNING washing machine-yet again- while I was away and taking MY STUFF ONLY out and tossing it EVERYWHERE. (Everywhere constitutes the following locations for your enlightenment: Behind the washer & drier and/or, on the floor wherever they may land and/or, (my personal WTF?? favorite) on top of the bowl of fruit in the middle of my kitchen table. Now me? All whites (me, Z, Ari) together to make up a load. Ditto for colors. Ditto for darks, you know to get optimum performance out of the machine and proper water useage. This drives MIL up the G.D. wall, seeing our clothes together. (No, not the kitchen one. Just in general) It would seem that the thought of my clothes being in the same wash cycle (much like the shoe situation) with her son's- you know, my husband!- is intolerable. Shony is completely baffled by this. Join the club honey. I mean, jeez. I'm MARRIED to the guy. You're freaking the hell out about my shoes sitting next to his or my clothes in the same washer? She must go completely APESHIT at the thought of he and I sleeping in the same bed together. And sweet lord, sometimes… you know, every once in a while, when we-gasp!- you know, do what most married couples do and have sex…his body is actually inside mine. You know, whenever THAT is. No wonder she freaks the f*ck out every time the door is shut and we are in there, nookie or not. By the way, did I ever tell y'all that one day she walked past Shony in my room and proceeded to take all of Z's work clothes (yeah, suits, dress shirts, ties, and belts) out of our closet and take them to her room? (Before ANY of you ask, NO, he said nothing about this even though I bitched my head off about it,(ok, I'm paranoid about her being near my closet, she has VERY STICKY FINGERS, if you get my drift) so he now has to go to MOMMY'S room to get dressed for work). I was so pissed, I told him "why don't you go sleep in her room too?" My bad. But it felt goooood.

So yeah, again with my laundry thrown all over the damn place. I really hate when she waits till they are clean AND dry and THEN dumps the clothes all over the damn floor. Best part? She lies about it. Now she tries to blame Shony. One teensy problem about this theory of hers…… she's been doing this crap for YEARS. Ie: waaaaay before Shony was ever in the picture. Liar liar pants on fire.

3) Now for the oddest and truly funny-in a sad sort of way- thing that happened while I was gone. Monster, pissed that Shony and Ari were having fun playing playstation or some such together, cursed them BOTH out pretty badly in Persian and then proceeded to flip them the bird. Or try to. Now this sent both Ari and Shony into bouts of hysterical laughter because instead of using the middle finger like the majority of the planet? She used her INDEX FINGER and wiggled it about. (I know about 75% of you made the motion with your own hand just to see the visual effect. Don't be embarrassed about it. I did it too. It's a hoot, no?) Arianna apparently laughed in her face, figuring out what she meant and said "Oh, you mean this?" and , well, did it properly and then, just to confuse her… made up her own version which entails doing the whole 'wiggle the finger thing" with your pinkie.

Now before any appalled people get all affronted about Ari doing the 'bird" properly, she knows what it is, but that she isn't allowed to use it (particularly around me!) Secondly, if anyone is offended that I don't reprimand her about being disrespectful to her evil grandmonster? I used to jump her tail about it every single time. But then? Monster was cussing me out and staring an all out war IN THE WHOLE DAMN FAMILY that I tell Ari off for nothing and punish her for nothing. (When what I was doing was admonishing her to treat elders with respect, don't talk to/ hit/yell at/ fill-in-the-blank, grandma like that) Basically, I'm fed up, so, I figure, Ari is just as big, physically, as monster, she can fight her own battles, especially if her Dad isn't going to involve himself in this. Kid has a lot of repressed anger towards G-ma because of all the stuff she's seen me go through- as a helpless spectator- all these years and the stuff she hears about me daily. Well, formally repressed anger. She doesn't take any crap anymore and gives as good as she gets.

So come on y'all, wiggle that index finger with me on the count of 3!!

1…………………..

2……………………………..

3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2005-04-25T15:13:00.000+03:00

Well, Hell.

I'm kind of embarassed, actually. I completely forgot to ask y'all for Inquisition questions this week. Must have been the coffeecake muffin orgasm from yesterday. Yeah. that's it. So on that note...

Questions! Questions! I'm taking questions (and Pirate Wench, you do in fact get to ask me TWO this week, if you are so inclined.), so, as it's a bit of a late start, y'all have till Wednesday (as in the day after tomorrow) morning, 11:00 am Pacific Time to get your questions in to me.

ie: NOW, sukahs. I'm waiting with bells on (but I won't tell you where!!!!!!!!!!!) hee heee heeeee!!!

*bells tinkle*

2005-04-24T11:19:00.000+03:00

MMMMmmmmmmmmm.......

I almost had an orgasm today at work. It was a near thing.

(Bet that got your attention, didn't it? Imagine the GOOGLE hits I'm going to get from this post. Heeeee, I'm such a blog whore sometimes!)

But I really did. Almost. Have. An Orgasm. A co-worker was very kind to assist me...

by giving me something new on the market here.... a Sara Lee Cinnamon Pecan Coffeecake Muffin. (Now, now, what did you think I meant??? Shame on you!) One bite of that coffecake muffin and I was moaning my head off, eyes closed in sheer bliss. Thank GOD I have my own little private office now and that my boss is away on a business trip. Whew!

It's. So. Goddamn. Good. Run.. don't walk(!!) to your nearest store and get one. See if I'm not right! (Which I am. Always.)

A question: based on this, does it mean if I eat more than one I can have multiple orgasms? I think I need to go shopping.

BYEEEEE!!!!!!!!!

2005-04-20T19:06:00.000+03:00

Inquisition Confession Week 2 Gazillion and three

Hey babies! Tomorrow is Scarlett's Haven's FIRST BIRTHDAY!!!

Happy Birthday to me! Happy Birthday to ME!

And to celebrate, I'm going to a friend's birthday tonight where I plan to get very friendly with the peach flavored vodka on the rocks, and/or lots of Amaretto most likely interspersed with rum. Most likely all , actually... Now to tide you over until you can find out how tipsy I ended up, read on babies, read on!

This week's questions read a little something like this:

Cheryl b asked me:

What is the weirdest thing you have ever eaten?

This is a good one. Really.

I’m not much into eating ‘unique things” in that, I’m basically a Beef, Chicken/Turkey or Veggies kind of woman. Well, don’t tell anyone (Shhhhh!) but I really LOVE me some BACON. I have a thing about eating cute animals. I just can’t do it.

Chickens? Ugly. Cows? Generally speaking? Ugly. Turkeys? FUGLY. Pigs? They fall into a middle ground. See, baby pigs are cute. Adult pigs? Ugly.

Things I won’t eat even if you beg me? Rabbit. Deer. Squirrel. Quail. Frog’s legs. *gag*. Snake. (Although I am of the opinion the only good snake is a dead one, preferably on my shoes or purse)

I don’t like eating odd organs and parts, either. My husband eats liver, chicken liver, and the neck and sucks on cartilage and crap from bones and it GROSSES ME THE HELL OUT. *gag, retch* And for some strange reason, that is the time he decides he wants a kiss from me. Sorry, um, nooooooooooooooo. Garlic I can handle. Onions, I can handle. Kidneys and liver and stuff? Um, NO. Those organs clean the crap out of our bodies and you wanna eat that? Hell no.

I think the weirdest thing I’ve eaten would have to a tie between be shark and elephant steak. Shark was in the form of soup and it was TOTALLY due to a language-barrier type accident…I think. It was when we were living in Paris when I was 8, and I asked an ADULT to order me chicken soup. I noticed it tasted funny. A few bites in… between much sign language and bad English… we finally figured out it was shark and next thing I knew? I was gagging and running for the toilet. Ditto for the steak.

Enough about the food. Damn, but I'm hungry.

Catrina made me nostalgic and her question is right on, since she knows me so well! Cat asked me….

Does Manama have any type of theater arts? If so, what plays have you seen recently?

Cat. The only real theater type stuff is in Arabic, and I can’t understand most of it,but it’s not what we are used to. I think it is in the works to make something to have such plays and stuff here. But not yet.

I’m DYING to go to the theater. Proper theater arts. I miss it So. I have to content myself with TCM Channel for now. That’s one of the things I want to do when I come home for my visit this year. Hit some quality production theater. And I know just who to drag with me!

Meow meow.

To my most favorite Pirate Wench- you get TWO questions next week due to the whole repeat thing. I understand darling. The rum made you do it. MWAH!

2005-04-20T18:27:00.000+03:00

Between A Rock And A Hard Place

That is precisely where I was the other evening at my SIL’s barbeque.

We were all sitting with my SIL’s lovely Irish neighbor and the neighbor’s Mom, who was visiting from Ireland and reminds me- personality wise- of my dearly departed Nana, and we were all discussing culture differences between Middle Eastern, Irish and Western men in general terms. More specifically the whole ‘Mama’s Boy’ issue and also care/responsibility of the elderly between different cultures.

Hmmmmm. You know this was interesting and awkward, now wasn’t it? Yes indeedy.

It was one of those instances where if I had said what I really wanted to (ie: hello? Hypocrites?? Stop acting for the benefit of the neighbors.) it would have resulted in a knock down drag out battle where I most likely would have been dog piled on by my husband’s respective family members. So I bit my lip, then tongue, and dug my nails into my palm in an effort to keep my thoughts to myself. But damn me it was a close one.

Although I admit, to some extent, it STILL cracks me up just thinking about it.

I can’t stand hypocrites. I do my best not to be one in fact. So much so that when my daughter brings home the odd C in Math and her dad is telling me to “Say something to her about that!” I say, “Well, I really can’t I rarely did much better than that…. EVER in Math.” (yeah, and here I sit working in a bank. That is hilarious, don’t you think?) So when the conversation switched to where parents should go to when they are O.L.D, that Nana jr said “well, I assume I will be in an old folks home at some point like most others, even though it is my understanding that things are different here in this part of the world.”. To which everyone (yeah, you know who I’m referring to.. the whole damn lot basically!) showed proper horror and disgust saying “well in this culture, it is a sign of respect to take your parents in once they are old, and everyone takes care of the parents needs, etc..”

I listened to this ever-increasing load of complete and utter BULLSHIT with complete astonishment while trying very hard to control my usually very expressive face. I came so close to saying-and embarrassing the lot of BIG FAT LIARS- “oh, and none of you do jack shit for your mother, and YOU in particular, Ms. Showoff “I’m-stinking-rich-now-and-always-said-that-once-I-became-successful-I would-take-care-of-mom-and-get –her out-of-your-hair C&Z-and-get-her-her-own-apartment-and-a-full-time-maid-nurse-and-driver-to-take-care-of-her-but-that-was-also-a-complete-load-of-shit-because-now-she-has-to-nag-for-TWO-FUCKING-MONTHS-for-me-to-send-my-DRIVER-cause-I-can’t-be-bothered-to-take-her-myself-to-buy-her-some-bread-and-veggies-to-shut-her-nagging-ass-up-for-a-day-or-two,but-have-no-problem-flaunting-my-new-$30,000 diamond watch (has her eye on a Chopard one that costs $90,000,btw)-and-new-$5,000-dollar-diamond,gold,ruby and turquoise-chandelier-earrings.” (Are y’all gagging and retching by now? Oh Goooooood. I have company at the porcelain throne. Uh-huh. Fab.)

More horror and disgust at the way “westerners” take care of their elderly by dumping them in a ‘home’, etc ensued to which Nana Jr said “well, in some cases, the parents don’t WANT to live with their children - she went on to put everyone in their respective places, so I felt she had it well in hand at this point--They prefer somewhere else, or a home where they can get proper medical attention. Also, usually they go live with the eldest son or child.” To which some at the table STUPIDLY said “oh yeah, they usually do that here too, so that’s alike.” I made sure I stared at EACH ONE IN THE EYES.

Did I ever mention that Z is the second youngest of 7? Yes, I said second YOUNGEST. Uh-huh.

This became a very uncomfortable conversation because… well, for obvious reasons.

Then they moved on to the Mama’s Boys topic. Heh. It’s better I not even consider joining in this conversation. But you know something? The Irish ladies noticed my silence because I had been extremely animated and talkative until then.

Did I ever mention that Z never knows where ANYTHING is in the kitchen? Or his bureau drawers? Or his wallet for that matter. Ok, basically anything, anywhere. Good thing some things are attached, huh? Yeah.

What I really wanted to say was “Honey, the Irish have NOTHIN on guys here!” and both Irish ladies, particularly Nana Jr. were looking at me wonderingly.

I don’t think I’ve been this uncomfortable in a coon’s age. Can you blame me?

I can just imagine the comments I’m going to get on this. Oh yeaaaahhhh. Anyone gonna help me out from this boulder?

2005-04-18T13:59:00.000+03:00

An Appetiser

First of all. I want questions. It's that time of the week again. You have roughly 48 hours to get your Inquistion question in. Just wanted to remind y'all is all. Thankseversomuch!!

Now then, I just HAD to blog this, cause it is really so damn funny. Well, at least I think so, for whatever that's worth.

Last night after dinner Z was sitting on the sofa watching-what else?- CNN holding one of our newest kittens whom I call Gypsy right now for lack of a better name, in his arms sitting on his chest. She can literally fit in your palm and her eyes opened last week. Gypsy is freaking GORGEOUS Y'ALL! She is pure snow white with huge blue eyes. I want to eat her up even on a bad day.

Anyway, Gypsy saw me walking through the room and started SCREAMING at me like"Hey! I'm OVER HEEEEEERRRRRREEEEEEE MOM!" and she looked so damn adorable that I couldn't resist and ran over to her making kissy noises and telling her what a pretty girl she is ......(now picture this)

And I end up standing between Z's knees in my nightie, bent over with my tail in the air and rubbing my nose back and forth on her soft fluffy big round white head making kissing noises while Gypsy's meows almost ceased and turned to purring interspersed with little mews (I translated this to mean "good slave".). Z was laughing at me with a smile on his face and then he suddenly got all tense and started pushing me away. This was right about the time I heard rude remarks coming from the hallway from the ever running mouth of my Monster-In-Law. She then slammed her bedroom door still ranting-loudly-under her breath and Z started laughing and said "She's SO pissed. Imagine how it looked and sounded from HER ANGLE? She couldn't see the cat for all that red hair and your butt waving in her face! She thought you were rubbing up on me! Wahahahahaaaaaaa." Me: "Like you let me???? hey, hang on a second......

Nnow that you put it that way.......... Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahhahaha. Here kitty kittyyyyyy!"

2005-04-17T16:47:00.000+03:00

Panties, etc....

Well! I bet that got your attention, now didn't it?? I can just imagine what kind of traffic I'm gonig to get from Google on that one! haha.

Actually, it refers not to what you are most likely assuming- yes, this means YOU!- but to the oh-so-appropriate phrase: Don't get your panties in a bunch.

So, like, DON'T, okay? Thanks.

There is a post in the works, a real one, not a bit like this little masterpiece here, no way! A real one. Just hold on a bit, hmmm? and remember one important thing....

Patience is a virtue, and who has many virtues left by now anyway? Do what you can.

Love,

Scarlett Cyn

2005-04-14T18:06:00.000+03:00

My Confession

Did you all know what next Thursday the 21st is? It's the first birthday of Scarlett's Haven! Wow! Almost a whole year. I can hardly belive it. You've been with me through my ups and downs. My struggles to become pregnant. My unemployment and job search, trials and tribulations and all the crap in between. Some readers have come and gone, but to those of you who have stuck with me, I give you my thanks and my love.

And to those of you who are fairly new to my Haven, welcome. Thanks for coming by and thinking it was worth another visit. I hope I can improve year by year. Hang around, it just might get interesting!

Now then.

Well everyone, it's that time of the week again. Thanks for visiting and giving me a few questions.

Catrina asked this week a medical question since she's a nurse and all (oh, and loves me):

Have YOU had your blood sugar checked?

To answer Cat and those of you that give a rats’s ass, yup, sure have! Every so often I check it. So far, so good. (now where-oh-where is some wood for me to knock on?) *tap,tap,tap* Yes, thankfully, so far my blood pressure is usually pretty much near if not perfect, good cholesterol levels, and blood sugar within normal range. Actually, I’m more hypoglycemic & anemic than anything.

Got wood? (Careful there wise-ass men readers!)

Now then, on to my next quesiton....

Carrie Jo, I believe, misses Yahoo! IM-ing with me, (I miss you too babycakes! MWAH!!) because she asked me:

Has anyone ever caught you doing something embarrassing? What was it? (heehee I'm evil, I know.)

Yeah Carrie Jo, you're evil, but I love you for it! Well, I have to say my most embarrassing moment(s) had to be when Monster walked in on Z and I making love. MORE THAN ONCE. (And what I still want to know to this day is….. “Why in the HELL did I have to be on TOP SEVERAL OF THE TIMES SHE WALKED IN?”. The ‘me being on top’ part is what stuck in my memory.) Also, she wouldn’t knock, she would just walk in and STARE at us in all our glory for the longest time before she would get the hell out and there we were, HORRIFIED. No knocking, or anything, just walks in and....... S.T.A.R.E.S.- A.T. - USSSSS.

Sicko freak. Traumatizing as hell too.

Before any of you say anything, yes, I’ve heard of locks, but we locked it, (or so we thought) but she kept screwing with the locks. I know for a fact, because we kept replacing them. And yes, all those caps were necessary!!

Cheryl b, my buddy, my pal asked me a sort of typical, yet somehow tame (and you long time readers will know what I mean) question this week:

Who is your favorite super hero and why? Also, are there any that you think are hot?

My favorite SUPERHERO has to be this guy! Heee hee!! But to answer your question properly, My favorite male superhero is Superman and my favorite female is Wonder Woman.

Superman, I think, because he was the underdog orphan, you know? He had to learn to deal with his superpowers but was still just an average Joe, or Clark to be more precise. He always took time to help people in need. Also? I always wished I could fly with him like that witch Lois Lane. Sigh.

Now Wonder Woman. I always wanted her golden lasso (still do), invisible airplane and those bulletproof bracelets. She was kick ass, but still very feminine. Gorgeous too. She always saved the world from bad guys, because she was all those things I listed before, and intelligent.

Superman. answers your second one too. He was damn hot! (oh yeah, double t)

Well, that's all the answers to the questions I had this week. Blogger must have pissed off Ollie and Wenchie this week. Blogger bastards.

2005-04-10T11:57:00.000+03:00

A Thought Or Three

It's sometimes a little bit scary, the avenues and paths my mind will wander along. But first. To begin with, a little reminder to get your questions in for this week's Inquisition. You have until 12 Noon, Tuesday, Pacific Time to get your question in for me to answer. All of you continue to amaze me with your questions.

Now then. I'm curious what you all are going to think of this. I found out that Z's specialist for his Diabetes ALSO specializes in treatment of PCOS. Hmmmmmm.Coincidence? I wonder. Turns out that Z spent as much time (giving wrong info about my past treatment history apparently. sigh.) talking about my PCOS as about his diabetes. If only he had given accurate information the doctor would have been informed. Like, for example, he neglected to mention that I had been taking glucophage AND Clomid when I got pregnant a few years ago with the baby I miscarried. He kind of left the bit about the Clomid out. Then, he couldn't remember the name of the meds I was taking for MY IVF trials after that first failed one. Uh huh. Shall I continue?

I will say one thing. I kinda love this doctor of his. Know why? Cause he asked Z last week "So, where's the boss?" (ie: me.) Love. That. Haaaaaaaaaaaahaaahaaahahahhahahahaha. He also complimented me and said that I made his life very easy since I apparently have such excellent medical knowledge and background.

Thanks doc. Right back atcha babe!

How about a casual observation from my desk here at work. It's a hoot, believe me.

Picture this: I'm sitting at my desk in my office talking to my assistant and another secretary when I notice out of the corner of my eye out on the triangular ledge outside my window a couple of pigeons. I casually remark "Oh look, he's showing off. I bet she's in heat". Mere seconds later, they start mating right there in front of us. Once. Twice. Thrice. and four times. I find I have only one thing to say to this really, once I stopped laughing.........

Lucky bitch.

2005-04-07T09:29:00.000+03:00

Clap On!

Reason Number 28 not to get dressed in a dark room early in the morning:

You look down at your lap at a red light about 3 blocks from work and realize that you didn't put on the black slacks with with your cream snakesin print blouse and matching open toed heels you thought you did, but Navy instead. Not a big deal you say?

It is when look over at the BLACK-AS-SIN BLAZER you brought with you lying on the passenger seat.

Say it with me now............."DOHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!"

Lets blame it on the fact that I left work at 9pm last night, hmmm? Will y'all let me?

Please tell me some of you have had such Homer moments?

2005-04-04T17:22:00.000+03:00

*Whimper*

Why is it that after two days of physio (and endless days of painkillers- love. them.)for my left shoulder that I have somehow managed to f*ck up the tendons that attach my arm to my body, do I find that almost EVERYONE that I come into contact with today feels the need to give me a good whack on the arm? (yeah, guess which one!?)

I'm serious. At least 10 people, pretty much ALL coworkers mind you, have smacked me or poked me on my left arm today. Add to that how completely BRAINLESS I apparently am because what did I do while showing my new Assistant things at work today? I reached into my filing cabinet, high (not supposed to do) for a ring binder file that is full to exploding and lifted it down one handed (Doh. guess which one?). Of course, I instanteneously remembered not to do it the millisecond after the pain shot through me. Although in all fairness to myself, I'd already been poked and smacked so much, it was pretty much just the icing on the cake.

OW-eee. (read: much cusssing)

Any suggestions on how to explain the quick 10 leaps backward on the improvement I had made to my physiotherapy doc without sounding like a complete brainless twit?

2005-04-03T15:37:00.000+03:00

The Confession

Better late than never, you know.

As promised, the answers to your questions. Man, y'all didn't hold back, now didja? Nuh-uh.

I'll answer in the order that I recieved the questions this week, if you don't mind.

Cheryl b naturally asked:

how often do you and Z have sex, and how often would you like to?

Sex? What’s that? Heh. Well, if I remember correctly, it is –fortunately for me- much like riding a bike, you never forget.

I honestly don’t remember the last time, which means waaaaaaaaaaay too long. Maybe near Valentine’s Day? Perhaps a little before. (Shall I wait for all of you to pick yourselves up off the floor before I continue?) I’ll probably have to check my calendar to give you a precise date. Yes, I’m serious.

He has gone and gotten pissy with me (and moody) regarding this once I started realizing (ok, and after I confronted him about the fact that…) he was initiating (or giving in to my requests/hints/blatant invitations/nagging) lovemaking only around my ‘fertile’ days of the month, where, if, by some MIRACLE OF GOD, I ovulated, I would end up pregnant. Other than that, nada. Nothing. This bullshit continues. Before any of you say anything, I've tried all the suggestions you could come up with and then some, ok? I'm a creative woman you know?

Anyway, for the longest time, I thought it was my imagination, but then? I started quietly marking down on my calendar and sure enough, it was on or around day 13-15 of my cycle and NOT any other time. So, he was in denial when I mentioned it, and I showed him, and he got quiet, and ever since? Hardly ever, even during potential ovulation time. Which brings us to the second part of Cheryl’s question….

How often would I like to do it? At least 3-4 days a week. (Notice I didn’t say times but days? Yeah, a couple of times a day is nice. Ahhhh, the good ole days.) But if it was more often, I wouldn’t complain, ya know? Hell at this point? I'd be happy with some heavy petting.

What? Believe it or not, I have a pretty –ahem!-high sex drive, although perhaps you wouldn’t know it to see how long I go in between. Bottom line is, I DO have some pride, and I’ll be god dammed if I’m going to beg for it. I honestly never, ever thought we would reach this point, not us, we used to have a great physical relationship. But that was then and this is now.

Well shit, now I’m depressed. Sexually frustrated and depressed. Hell, that is one bad combo.

Wenchie nailed me with:

Have you ever been arrested? If not, what's the closest you've ever come?

Wenchie, woman! You have the best blog name! I LOVE IT!!! Now, for the answer to your question.

Well, there was a little misunderstanding when I was 17 and boy did I learn my lesson!

It was all because of my stupidity & forgetfulness more than anything, really. I was working in retail, and mid-morning I tried on a belt (it was really nice), but then it got SUPER busy and I forgot I was wearing the damn thing. An hour or so later, it’s break time and –kapow- the store security pounced on me when I went to get a smoothie. I’m sure you can guess the rest.

Damn, it’s not like I’m Winona Ryder or anything sneaking around with scissors in a dressing room or something!

Now to a considerably more tame question from Catrina……

Now that you have your job, when can you take vacation? Hint Hint?

Well pussycat, funny you should ask me that! I’ve been thinking about when I should take it, when the best time will be lately. Yes, now I’m working, so I’m in the process of strategizing and planning for my trip.

My vacation is back on, exactly when, I can’t say yet, but trust me, you will know, (Since I’m planning on crashing at your place for a couple of days! Hint! Hint! Hee hee (Don’t y’all love the way I invited myself? Shut it. I’ve known Cat for – gulp – AGES.

In fact, Ollie might just get to see me too (you know, if she wants to!) espceically if my mom has relocated back home to S.C. like she is planning by then.

Oh and Rose? If you’re reading this? Don’t feel left out, I’m going to hit you up too, girlfriend!!!! (Yeah, I’m making the rounds of LA, aren’t I?!)

I'm hitting both coasts in the States and a point or two in between as of today. If you're anywhere near where I might be, let me know, I'd love to meet ya!

Thank you all for your questions. Adieu my darlings.

2005-04-03T10:51:00.000+03:00

Deepest Apologies

I am not,I repeat NOT a flake. i just didn't post because my inet at home is down. Boy, I could not wait to get in to work to post. I'm really so addicted to blogging, it's kind of like a crack addict needing a fix.

Mind you, I'm not a crack addict or anything, just an analogy, you understand.

Keep your eyes open, post will be up soon.

Love,
Scarlett Cyn

2005-03-31T08:53:00.000+03:00

"It's Beyond My Control....."

That is one of my favorite movie lines ..... EVAH. Do you recognise it, I wonder? Yes, I really DO want to know. Do you remember the movie it came from-one of my favorites- and even better, WHO said it? I love this actor. Hint: he's a bit weird, but sexy, in a weird way, and I'll watch just about anything he is in. PS: Duh, the hint was it is a MAN.

At any rate, it is very appropriate for why there hasn't been a blog post from little ole me in the past couple of days.

Blogger sucks ass lately, that's why. Therefore, it's beyond my control.

I've tried to post-count em- 3 posts in the past two days and I get everything all done and purty, ready to post for you and then I hit "publish" and..... Nothin. It -Blogger-crashes. Asswipes.

On another note, Z was diagnosed day before yesterday with Type 2 Diabetes, he was very close to falling into shock when I dragged his ass in to the doctor. (He's worse than a 3 year old going for immunizations) I got a crash course in injection giving (so did he) and how to check his glucose levels, what to eat, what NOT to eat...

Back to the needles. I don't know who was more traumatized, me or him. The jury is still out on that one. I managed to get sneaky when talking to his specailist when I said "Thanks Doc! He's gonna have to be a pussycat to me 24/7 now that I get to stick him with needles!" This was said with a BIG grin on my part. Next thing I know, I hear "GIVE ME THAT SYRINGE!". Heh. I'm a weasel, aren't I? But I'm still doing the glucose checking and preparation of the insulin shots, so, I get my sticking time in too! heee heee. Poor guy. *poke* I told him, one peep out of you and I'll remind you of ALLLLLLL those needles I've taken trying to get pregnant.

But my poor hubby, he is such a cookiemonster and chocoholic specifically, so when the whole "bye bye to real chocolate & sweets (and rice and pasta, and potatoes for the time being)" hit him, I swear he got teary. Funniest thing he said last night, when I pointed out all the stuff they have for diabetics, diabetic chocolate, cookies, etc.. for when his insulin gets under control, I guess he thought about it for a while, cause about 2 hours later, he looked at me and said "You think there is such a thing as diabetic chocolate cake?". I couldn't help but laugh. He looked so damn hopeful.

What sucks? Arianna. When she sees ME get injections, she is morbidly fascinated by the whole process, and laughs her ass off while I'm getting stuck. But last night? The mere thought of her Dad being poked with that gun-needle thingie for the glucose test got her choked up and covering her eyes (wtf??) and the whole injection of the insulin made her run sobbing out of the room. W.T.F.???

Man, that's unfair. And yes, I'm pouting.

Last chance y'all for questions for the Inquisition this week. Questions? Anyone? Anyone? Helloooooooooooo???????

*Crickets chirping*

2005-03-28T07:54:00.000+03:00

R.I.P.

A great woman has passed away. Dr. Georgeanna Seegar Jones, who helped develop the program that led to America's first "test-tube baby," has died. She was 92.

When I read of her many accomplishments here,-her work laid the foundations for home pregnancy tests, for example- I was even more amazed. And grateful. Because of her and her husband,(and the pioneer in England too) and work of others after her, many women like me who might never have had children or even the HOPE of having a child of their own now have an option. An expensive one, yes, but an option. Hope. A possibillity. As someone who has gone through four IVF proceedures, (although failed) I salute her.

Rest in peace Dr. Jones. You definetly deserve it. God Bless you.

2005-03-27T16:34:00.000+03:00

Happy Easter!

To all my readers and frequent or infrequent lurkers, I'd like to wish you a Happy Easter whether you're Christian or not!

I mean, The Easter Bunny has NOTHING to do with Christianity, now does he? Nope.

I'm accepting Easter gifts in the form of Chocolate covered marshmallow bunnies, cause I love them SO and we don't get them here where I live, which is thoroughly depressing in the extreme, believe me! Alternatively, Easter Egg shaped rescues Peanut Butter Cups will drive you DEEP into the recesses of my heart with the force of TNT.

I would also like to announce that I am formally re-instating The Weekly Inquisition, for those of you who have missed picking at my brains each week, starting this week.

In case you've forgotten, ask me a question , whatever strikes your fancy, by 12 Noon Pacific time on Tuesday and I'll reply by Wednesday morning. That's it.

Go on, I'll be waiting. For both your chocolate donations AND your questions.

2005-03-23T19:08:00.000+03:00

The Snooze Button.

You know its going to be a day from HELL when.................

You hit the "Off" button instead of "Snooze" and hell if you can remember doing it because you were sleeping the sleep of the truly exhausted and half dead.

You wake up, WIDE AWAKE AND HEART POUNNDING, look at the clock and realize in horror and dismay that you should be pulling out of the driveway..... NOW.

You suddenly remember in absolute terror what your travel agent manager husband said about the hotel you booked for your boss as you were drifting off to sleep last night. (Curious? The tidbit was that the 5* hotel you booked for your boss and the Deputy CE of the major investor of the bank has a truly spectacular view of................. a graveyard. What kind of dumb ass builds a 5-star hotel near a freaking graveyard I ask you?)

Just when you thought it was bad enough working 2 hrs past' going home time', some asshat walks up to you, hands you a proposal that MUST be on the desk of the BOARD OF DIRECTORS TOMORROW MORNING. Hint, only one of them lives in the same country I DO.

Its now after 7pm and you are still at work- tried to calm your frazzled nerves by sharing SOME.OF.IT with the internet on your blog, because you have no idea whatsoever when you are going to go home tonight.

See? I seek my blog readers - yes YOU!- for comfort.

And how was your day?

PS: Just so you don't think I'm ungrateful for the work, because I'm truly grateful for the work, realize this: While each of the people at work are stressed with 20 things to do today, NOTHING happens in this Bank without going through ME and my boss first, because, bless his heart, he is a control freak just like me. each of their 20 things, for 8 departments, I have to deal with, from small to big and it is ALL extremely sensitive, confidential material. Plus he has me Assisting the Head of HR until her assistant can start next month and I'm responsible for the Board of Directors.

Come on April 4! That's when my assistant starts working. Whoot!! I love her already. Oh yeah, I forgot to tell y'all. I hired myself an Assistant! Yaay. Hot Damn!